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Monday, January 02, 2006

Top Ten George W. Bush New Year's Resolutions
  
Fewer decisions based on wild, drunken hunches
Have N.S.A. find out what really happened between Nick and Jessica
Stop using Situation Room monitors to play X-Box 360
More C-SPAN, less "Yes, Dear"
Team up with leading scientists to make Cheetos even cheesier
To capture and bring to justice King Kong
Beat the twins at beer pong
Respond to reporters questions with, "Bitch, don't go there"
Scale back on grueling 12-hour work week
"Who needs resolutons? Everythng is fine"
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Promote constitutional amendment to ban gay cowboy movies

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Stop drinking again

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Start disastrous war in Iraq

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Check out that "Band Camp" DVD

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Same thing he does whenever there's trouble. Get phony National Guard gig and "chill"

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