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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Top Ten Little Known Facts About Dick Cheney
  
Has iPod pacemaker that keeps his heart beating to Aerosmith
Enjoys reading his grandson excerpts from shady defense contracts
First vice president since Mondale to take a leak in the Rose Garden
Not sure if this is significant but he was the last to see Don Knotts alive
Has a daily 5 o'clock meeting with advisors Jim Beam and Jack Daniel's
In 1994, underwent a failed sneer-reduction procedure
The second the cameras are off, so are his pants
His undisclosed location is a Hooters in San Antonio
Loves the elderly -- well, shooting at them
His approval rating is now lower than his number of heart attacks
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When he does that little lip curl he thinks he looks like Billy Idol

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Doesn't want to jinx it, but he thinks he's front-runner to replace Meredith Vieira on "The View"

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Begins every day with a $50,000 Halliburton kickback

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Thinking of sending lesbian daughter to Iraq to crack some skulls

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Went to Vegas last month and put a lot of money on "Iraq"

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Even though it's proper etiquette to call him "Mr. Vice President," more people than ever have been calling him "Dick"

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His preferred afternoon snack? Sticks of butter dipped in gravy

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