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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Top Ten Signs You've Eaten Tainted Lettuce
  
It tasted E. coli-y
You had to sign a waiver before a trip to the Olive Garden salad bar
It comes with penicillin vinaigrette
Most people don't bleed spontaneously after eating a BLT
Only respond when someone says, "Here kitty, kitty, kitty..."
Flip on CNN to see headline "Deadly Lettuce" and a photo of your house
You test a nuclear weapon in open defiance of the international community
All of your produce is bought from Tainted Valley Farms
On a hunting trip, you mistake an elderly lawyer for a quail
You feel weak and listless and your name's not "A-Rod"
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You find yourself thinking "That Dennis Hastert is a fine-looking hunk of a man"

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Your salad just bit you

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You look in the mirror, the Hulk looks back

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You're the only one at the salad bar not wearing a Hazmat suit

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First time buying radicchio where you had to sign a waiver

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