About 6 weeks ago, the Late Show offered the critically acclaimed Ventriloquist Week, a huge success in late night television. So successful was the event, we've decided to try it again but this time, with . . . . . impressionists! Yes, the week of November 13th through the 17th we'll have impressionists each night. It's a week you won't want to miss . . . or as Bowzer used to say, "Be there or be square."
The idea for Impressionist Week came up the other day in a meeting. As always since the . . . "incident" . . . all meetings are now photographed. Dave has two of the photos with him of that meeting. We see some of our top brains discussing the idea . . . and then in another photo of an argument breaking out. I've found that often times our best ideas spring forth when someone has someone else by the neck.

Bill O'Reilly is on our show Friday night. The last time he was on, Dave caught him in a lie and a dust up ensued. It wasn't pretty. So now that he's on again, Dave isn't sure how he will handle it. What will be Dave's strategy? Dave says we all know that Mr. O'Reilly is a blowhard, "so I'll be a blowhard." Dave says, "I know I have no idea what I'm talking about . . . . and neither does he!" Dave admits to being a big bag of gas . . and O'Reilly is a pompous bag. How did the interview go that has already been taped and will air Friday night? Tune in and find out. Dave proudly says, "I was able to call him a name!"

And on tonight, we have Gene Rurka, the exotic food chairman of the Explorer's Club. He's the guy in charge of snacks.

It's a very special night. In our green room we have Ben Harben, a graphic designer, who will be creating a portrait of Biff Henderson . . . using bubble gum. Assisting Ben is his wife, Katie. She helps in the chewing. Creating Biff portraits is a popular exercise on our show, having already experienced:
-a Biff tattoo inscribed into some kid's leg
-an ice sculpture
-legos
-dominoes
-cheese
-post-it notes
And tonight, Biff will be recreated in bubble gum.

We meet Ben in the green room. He is there with his wife, Katie, and Biff. Ben stands before a blank canvas. Ahh, the blank canvas . . . is anything more frightening to an artist . . .. or more exciting! Much like the blank page to a writer.
Tonight, Ben will be using Bazooka gum balls.
His wife, Katie, will assist in chewing the gum for her husband the artist.
Dave rightly says, "Now that's a marriage that's going to last . . . a woman that chews gum for her husband." Ben begins his work of art as Biff puts in his easiest day at work in months.

At the request of the attorneys general of more than 40 states, film producers have agreed to place anti-smoking messages on DVDs in which people smoke. Dave thought this was a great idea until he saw this clip.
We see a scene from "Casablanca." Rick is down in the dumps with his aching heart sitting alone at the bar. He then lifts his hand to place a cigarette up to his lips. Suddenly the new anti-smoking message appears in big bold red letters, "DON'T SMOKE! DON'T SMOKE!" A loud klaxon horn is sounded.

A 22-year-old computer hacker claims to have cracked some of iPods copy-protection restrictions. That's not all he found. Look what he discovered when he opened the iPod. Dave holds up an iPod. Inside he finds . . . . a delicious toaster strudel!
Dave is proud of this joke in that it got laughs and didn't cost the show much money. Now that's what we're looking for. The Wahoo Gazette functions under the same restrictions.

Dave intros the next joke: "In response to a lawsuit, the Transit Authority is letting transgendered subway customers use any restroom they want. The decision could make things kind of confusing, but I think it's all cleared up in this message." - this is the way it was written on the blue card. The heading for the joke was "Transgender Subway Bathrooms." That's all that's on the cue card as well, "Transgender Subway Bathrooms." Dave rarely reads the blue card word for word, sometimes only peeking down at the card to make sure he has the right cue line, such as "take a look at this promo", or "take a look at this commercial", or "take a look at this announcement", or "the administration was not happy. Take a look."
When leading into this joke about transgenders using the subway bathrooms, Dave winged it and kept talking to explain the premise, hoping to find along the way a decent cue line. He got side-tracked, painted himself into a corner, got himself out, and kept at it. I was very amused at the circuitous route he took to get to the "take a look." Announcer:

"Following a lawsuit by a man who is in transition to become a woman, the Metropolitan Transit Authority has decided that transgendered subway commuters may use whichever restroom they fell is appropriate. Of course, this could cause some confusion or discomfort for other customers. So to make things easier, we encourage everyone to follow the lead of most New Yorkers and simply urinate directly on the tracks.
The MTA: Eating Good in the Neighborhood."

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see Bush: "It's hard for me to explain why that was the case . . . just take my word for it."

Back from commercial, we check in with the gum guy. Ben, Katie, and Biff are chewing the medium.

Dave talks a bit more about Bill O'Reilly's visit for Friday night. Dave says this is what he was thinking during the interview: "I'm thinking he's just a dope . . . and I am, too." They've both found a way for a dope to be successful in television. He envisions Bill as the kid in high school who always got beat up. Dave admits he was that guy too. Bill and Dave, two of the same?

TOP TEN: Ways to Make the World Series More Exciting
#10. Instead of fireworks, games kick off with North Korean nuclear test
#5. More shots of FOX's hot new young stars.
#4. Give Mel Gibson some tequila and ask what he thinks of Sandy Koufax
#1. Between innings, Madonna adopts a ball boy.

GENE RURKA: He's the exotic-food chairman of the very exclusive Explorer's Club here in New York City. On tonight's menu:
1. Mealworms in cherry tomatoes
2. wormzels, also known as earthworm pretzels.
3. scorpions on cucumber slices, with maggot sprinkles.

Well, now, this was interesting. Gene Rurka is the exotic food chairman of the very exclusive Explorer's Club. Can Dave become a member? Gene says he thinks so; the only requirement being is one who has explored the world and/or involved with scientific research. Does Dave meet the qualifications? Dave says he used to hitchhike as a teen in Indiana.
What's on the menu tonight? Gene shows the first item: Mealworms in cherry tomatoes. After getting over the initial "Yecchhhhh" . . . . you again would say "yecchhhhh." Would Gene eat a mealworm right now? He would, and does. Yeccchhhhh. Uh oh. Dave is considering sampling the mealworm treat. AND HE DOES! Yikes! Usually, when we have a cooking demo or Dave is showing some joke items at the desk, Dave will eat something. Of course, the item isn't really . . . let's say "paste" . . . it's yogurt. When he drinks from a bottle of Jack Daniel, it's ice tea. But tonight when Dave ate the mealworm . . . he really ate the mealworm. I'd rather eat paste. After sampling the mealworm, Dave desperately seeks a beverage. Kudos to Dave, though, for swallowing the stuff.
Next up: Earthworm pretzels, which Gene calls Wormzels. Dave says, "Oh, now I want one!" Yes, it's all in the presentation. Gene eats a wormzel. And Dave, looking for the smallest in the bunch, eats a wormzel. Wow!
And finally, scorpions on cucumber slices, with maggot sprinkles. This actually looked good, except for the scorpion and maggots. And this too Dave sups on. Yikes-a-hootie.
Dave decides he's had enough, even though we had two more items on the table. Congratulations, Dave, and atta boy. Thanks for taking one for the team

On the table but not sampled:
4. Teriyaki Madagascan Hissing Cockroaches.
5. Honey-glazed tarantulas.

Back from commercial, Dave opines "The stuff looked awful, but it . . . .honest to God, tasted like 'djoy.'"

TIM ROBBINS: Tim enters eating a tarantula on a stick. Mmmms. What's Tim been up to? He took his kids to Game 7 of the NLCS between the Mets and the Cards. Mets lost 3-1, leaving the bases loaded in the bottom of the 9th. The car ride home was very quiet. Said one son on the ride, "I don't want to talk." A while later, his other son says "I have a new ringtone on my phone." He plays it. It's REM's "Everybody Hurts." It was a sad day in the Robbins house. Are they enjoying the World Series? Tim seems surprised to learn there is still baseball being played. For him, it all ended with the Mets.
Tim stars in the new film, "Catch A Fire," which opens Friday (today). It deals with South Africa and apartheid and Nelson Mandela in the 1980s. Dave admits to being "irresponsible as a world citizen" for being uninformed about the topic of the film back at the time. I'm in that same boat. The first I became even remotely aware of what was going on was from "Little" Steven Van Zandt's "Ain't Gonna Play Sun City" video in 1985.
We see a clip from "Catch A Fire." Tim plays a rotten guy. I liked what I saw and the film is on my list of movies to see . . . if I ever went to the movies.

ACT 5: Ben, Katie, and Biff hard at work to complete the portrait of Biff Henderson in the bubble gum medium.

RUSSELL THOMPKINS, JR. AND THE NEW STYLISTICS: From their new CD, "The Very Best of the Stylistics . . . and More", Russell Thompkins, Jr and the New Stylistics performed "You Are Everything."

To close the show, we take a look at Ben, Katie, and Biff in the green room. The portrait is complete. It's time for the reveal of the Biff portrait. The camera finds the portrait, and WOW! Which one is the real Biff? Am I right, people?!

And that was our show for Thursday, October 26, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

How's this for a coincidence . . . back on January 12, 1996, Tim Robbins and Dave together sang . . . "You Are Everything"

The first 3 games between the Detroit Tigers and the St. Louis Cardinals have received the lowest television ratings in World Series history. How to fix that? I know . . . MORE SHOTS OF THE FANS! We want more shots of the crowd! I was watching Game 4 of the World Series last night. Of course you know by now how much I hate the crowd shots. Absolutely worthless. But what I can't stand and needs to be explained by someone on a sports talk radio show, is why the director goes back to the pitcher when he is three-quarters of the way through his wind up? This needs to be explained! Why do we come back so late to LIVE action on the field? WHY! WHY! SPORTS TALK RADIO, WHERE ARE YOU! Would you please get a baseball TV director on your show. . . . PLEASE! If TV wants to know why the ratings are down, well, here's one guy who turned off the game last night because I couldn't take it anymore. SHOW US THE GAME! How about this: one less crowd shot during the in-between-pitches sequence of shots and get back to the pitcher just a little earlier.

Years from now, I will look back on October 2006 as the moment I became old. The month started with unexplained aches and pains followed by a cough that lasted for three weeks. I felt good for one day and then I came down with a cold. I've been tired the whole month; beer doesn't interest me; I'm wearing sweaters; and worst of all, a week ago I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I'm not healing well at all. I got a pimple on my forehead that's been there for a month. I didn't mind it at first. I thought it made me look young. But it's now gone on too long. C'mon, body, fix thyself.

My girls' soccer game the other week was the Silent Soccer game. Parents, coaches, fans . . . no one could yell encouragement during the game. No one could yell instructions. We were there only to observe. It's to allow the girls to be in charge of their game. It's up to them to tell each other where to go; who to cover; what to do. And this year the girls really did take over. They looked out for each other; helped each other. I heard a whole lot of communication between the 10 and 11-year-old girls. I was impressed.
SILENT SOCCER - look it up on the Google and recommend it for your league.

Here's a line I learned this week from my girls, usually following a voicing of my displeasure: "Build a bridge and get over it."

This is what came to me as I sat in traffic this morning on the way to work: I bet dyslexics are great at the Jumble.

The show gets loads and loads of music CDs that are sent in by hopefuls and their producers. After they've been listened to, the CDs are placed in a box at the end of the hall and are free for the taking. It's where I get all my Cajun/zydeco CDs. I'm becoming a big fan of the music. Most of the CDs are by artists I've never heard of but every now and then if I time it right, I can find a CD worth taking. I'm lucky in that the other staffers who go through the bin are half my age and usually aren't looking for what I'm looking for. Yesterday, I was lucky enough to grab a Hannah Montana CD. It was a great get for me. I showed some of the "kids" on the staff and they all said the same, "Who is Hannah Montana?" I just shook my head, amazed that they didn't know Hannah Montana. Perhaps I didn't know my audience. I decided to show another staffer my Hannah Montana find. She has two daughters of similar age to my 10-year-old twins. I showed her the CD. Her eyes widened and she yelled, "WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!" When I told her, she urgently asked, "Are there any more?" Before I could answer she was running down the hall to the box of CDs. Hannah Montana . . . . YES!

This just in: Ex-Congressman Foley is now blaming an overdose of Terrell Owens sleeping pills.

Bill O'Reilly Friday night.