Now that Obama has announced his plans to perhaps maybe I think I might be running for President in 2008, many are awaiting how Hillary will respond to the challenge. Judging from her latest announcement, she isn’t pulling any punches.
An Announcement from the Hillary people:

“After serving only two years in the United States Senate, Barack Obama has announced his intention to run for president. He claims he can get this country back on the right track; he claims he can restore our good standing in the international community. But answer this question, Senator Obama: Can you do it all while looking fabulous in a pantsuit?
Hillary Clinton: Pantsuited up and ready to go!”

LETTERS FROM PRISONERS: As a form of therapy, inmates from the Warren Correctional Facility in Lebanon, Ohio were instructed to write to Dave about the LATE SHOW. Dave thought it would be interesting to read some tonight.
To read the list, click on the appropriate box under “Last Night on the Late Show” right over there on the right. Over there . . . and up just a little . . . just a little bit more . . . right there. Click on Letters From Prisoners.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see the President: “I think . . . tide turning . . . see, as I remember . . . I was raised in the desert, but . . . . it’s easy to see a tide turn . . . . . Did I say those words?”

TOP TEN: Signs You’re Obsessed with “American Idol” – Tuesday night was the debut of the 6th season of “American Idol”, which was enjoyed by 37 million home viewers.
Past winners:
Season 1: Kelly Clarkson
2: Ruben Studdard
3: Fantasia
4: Carrie Underwood
5: Taylor Hicks
Click on the Top Ten under “Last Night on the Late Show” to enjoy.

It’s been awhile, but it’s time once again for a popular segment on our program called, “DWIGHT, THE TROUBLED TEEN.”
We find Alan at his perch with Dwight, a troubled teen. Dwight is listening to his iPod.

Alan: “Dwight, have you looked at that community college brochure I left on your desk?”
Dwight: (no answer; listening to his iPod)
Alan: “Dwight?”
Dwight: (still no answer)
Alan: “DWIGHT!”
Dwight: (annoyed) “What?!”
Alan: “I’m trying to talk to you! But you’ve always hot those damned things stuck in your ears!”
Dwight: Yeah, well, I need to listen to my tunes.”
Alan: “You’re shutting yourself off from the world and the people who care about you, Dwight.”
Dwight: “You don’t really care about me! All you care about is getting drunk on cheap whiskey and looking in windows. I hate you! I hate all of you!”

Dwight exits in anger. And then he soon returns in a much lighter mood.

Dwight: (to the camera) “Hi, I’m Dwight, the Troubled Teen.”
Alan: “And I’m Alan Kalter, TV’s Uncle Jerry.”
Dwight: “Personal music players like iPods can be a lot of fun, but listening to high volumes for too long can damage your hearing.
Alan: “Always follow the manufacturer’s recommendations for safe volume settings.
Dwight: “And remember . . . .”
Dwight and Alan: (pointing) “ . . .don’t steal music!”
Dwight: “Rock on, everybody!
Alan: “See you next time!”

TINA FEY: She created, writes, and stars in the NBC hit show, 30 Rock.
She admits to being overwhelmed with all the celebrities. There was George Clooney, Eva Longoria, Jack Nicholson, Justin Timberlake. She pretended to be on a cellphone, as if SHE were too important to mingle with the A-list celebs. Then she overstayed around the cheese board.
Alec Baldwin won a Golden Globe for his role on 30 Rock. During his acceptance speech, he had Tina stand and take a bow. She thinks it was his way of showing the audience that he could control her. Dave shows a photo of Tina at the Golden Globes with Donald Trump, his wife Melania, and Globe winner for 30 Rock Alec Baldwin. Alec shifted the pose so he was standing next to Melania, either to rankle The Donald or to put a squeeze on Melania.
Just returning from the Globes, Tina says Los Angeles is kind of weird. She was in an elevator and found three discarded and opened boxes. On the boxes was written: “Discreet and comfortable.” Her curiosity got the best of her and she explored. She found the boxes and discovered they were for “Remote Control Vibrating Underpants.” She says it’s just another example of why she hates Los Angeles.
Referring back to our "Letters from Prisoners" piece, Tina says she has received letters from prisoners. One letter was written on the back of the prison menu. She noticed that on Tuesday of that week was Taco Night! She thought, “Hey, I’d like to go to that!” Taco Night sound pretty good. What happened to plain old S.O.S.? Or is that only served in the military?
30 Rock – Thursday nights at 9:30 on NBC.

DONNIE GLENN: He is widely considered one of the finest escape artists in the world. Donnie enters wearing a robe over a T-shirt and swim trunks. How did Donnie become interested in escape artistry? Donnie says as a boy, he would visit his Uncle Carl’s house and would inevitably find himself stuck in cabinets, bookshelves, and various piping. From that, he became interested in escape artistry.
Is there any place he cannot escape from? Donnie says proudly, “If there is, I’ve yet to find it.” What will he be doing tonight? The famous illusionist Harry Houdini used to do a tr5ick where he was sealed in a milk can filled with water and escape unharmed. As a tribute to him, Donnie will perform that trick tonight. And just in case any misfortune happens, we have two emergency medical technicians standing by. There is nothing left to say so let’s get to it. Donnie gets up and walks to center stage where we find a large milk can. Two lovely assistants stand on either side of the milk can. One helps Donnie out of his robe. Donnie tells the audience, “My assistants have nearly filled the can with water. On my command, please pour the final pail of water in the can . . . . . . Pour the final bucket of water NOW.”
Donnie prepares. He approaches the milk can and begins to enter. But something is wrong. Donnie examines the milk can closely. The chagrined escape artists protests, “What is this? This isn’t right. There’s no way I ‘m going to fit in there. This is wrong. You ruined it, you stupid bastard. I knew I shouldn’t do this show. Piece of crap!” Donnie then tips over the milk can and the water falls all over the floor. Donnie exits; not very happy.
Dave assures the audience he had nothing to do with getting the can.

ACT 5: Hey, fans! Can’t get enough ‘Late Show’? This Saturday head over to the Woodbridge Mall in Woodbridge, New Jersey where Dave will be meeting fans and showing off the 2007 fully loaded Chrysler Sebring. A 2.7 liter engine gives you 200 horsepower --- this baby really moves! Dave and Chrysler --- 2 classics working together. True that, suckers!”

BINDI AND TERRI IRWIN: Terri was married to the Crocodile guy Steve Irwin for 14 years. Bindi is their 8-year-old daughter. They are touring the United States on the “G’Day USA: Australia Week 2007” to promote Australia and all it has to offer. Bindi sat next to Dave and immediately took control of the segment. Does she like New York City? Bindi loves New York, gushing “The City is awesome!” Does the cold bother her, since it’s summer right now in Australia. Bindi: “It’s stinky hot in Australia right not, but here it’s freezing.” Bindi explains her name: Her full name is Bindi Sue; Sue is after Steve’s favorite dog; Bindi is after his favorite crocodile. “Bindi” is an aboriginal name for “young girl.”
Terri is originally from Oregon. She visited Australia 15 years ago and soon met Steve while he was doing a crocodile show. She thought he was nuts but desperately wanted to meet him. The Irwin family has owned a zoo which has expanded enormously in the past decades. Steve’s “Crocodile Hunter” consisted of 50 shows, but he also did various other shows and programs which total nearly 170 episodes.
Terri and Bindi are here in the U.S. to promote “G’Day USA: Australia Week 2007”, a special 10-day event running in New York and Los Angeles through this Saturday. It is designed to promote Australia to American tourists.

And that was our show for Wednesday January 17, 2007.



A couple slight changes to today’s show. When we have the fake guest run into trouble like we did tonight with Donnie Glenn the escape artist, we usually have the fake guy curse up a storm and exit angrily. Since we had the youthful Bindi on the show tonight, we decided to tone down the expletives.
All day we had Terri Irwin’s name listed before Bindi, but at the last second we realized that Bindi would be entering first and sitting by Dave, followed by her mom Terri. We switched the order of the names in Dave’s intro so Bindi would be announced first.

Judging from the e-mail I’ve been receiving, a lot of rich people in Africa are dying. The good news is their estates want to leave me a lot of the money.

Watching the magician Jason Randal smiling the other night reminded me of someone. After a little while, it came to me. John Edwards.

Lots of noise about a pizza parlor in Dallas accepting pesos in addition to American dollars. From up here in New York, I see no problem with that. It’s business, and if it’s good for their business, more power to ‘em. Just as long as they don’t give change in pesos . . . unless the customer wants it. When I’ve gone to Canada and Mexico, they accepted my Yankee dollar. I don’t think Canadians or Mexicans seemed to mind.

I was reading Cindy Adams the other day. Her column follows the lives and follies of the rich and famous. She ends her column each day with a little amusing ironic blurb, followed by “Only in New York, kids, only in New York.”
In Tuesday’s Cindy Adams, she finished with:

“This movie-loving couple exits the Paris Theater midway through its current occupant: ‘The Good German’ starring George Clooney. The usher at the door says, ‘Didn’t like it?. Sighed one half of the couple, ‘No, it’s lousy.’ Usher: ‘Yeah, I know. Others have left, too.’
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.”

Hey, I almost forgot! Letterman’s Humor ran in the 9th race at Gulfstream Park in Hallandale Beach, Florida on Monday, January 15th. Letterman’s Humor, the #1 horse, went off at 20-to-1. He came in last out of 8. The recap:

“WELCOME AGAIN stalked the pace three wide, rallied with DRY MARTINI to reach the lead just inside the eighth pole, then edged that rival to wire in a game effort. DRY MARTINI rated off the pace, angled out for the drive, rallied with WELCOME AGAIN to reach even terms for command just past the eighth pole, then dueled with that rival and was edged to the wire. BELONGS TO JOE set the pace along the inside to past the eighth pole, then gave way. LITTLE CLIFF prompted the pace outside BELONGS TO JOE, made a run to try that rival on the far turn, then tired in the drive. GOLD NATIVE raced three wide and failed to menace. ITSAWONDERFULIFE was no factor while racing four wide. SUAVE BARON was outrun. LETTERMAN'S HUMOR tracked the pace, was steadied in behind the leaders soon after entering the backstretch and faded.”

I’ve been waiting and watching for two years now. I knew it would be close but it looks like it isn’t going to be. For two years I’ve been waiting for February 7, 2007 in hopes it would be show #2707. 2/7/07 . . . . 2707. Well, it’s not going to happen. Right now it looks like February 7th will be show #2700. Next up: Show #3,000. Will it land on August 30, 2008, the Late Show’s 15th Anniversary? They way it looks right now, we may be within 5.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Rochester, Indiana, it’s Donald Groenleer
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER