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			Wednesday, April 25, 2007 Show #2740
			By Michael Z. McIntee	Change Text Color: Black \| White


	Nicolas Cage; Barry Sonnenfeld; and The Fratellis. PLUS: Rosie’s Leaving “The View”; A Tribute to Boris Yelstin; Senator John McCain; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; Charts and Graphs; and Laurie’s House. “. . . and now, stalwart of the Science Fiction community . . . . . David Letterman!” ACT 1 Dave has learned one thing in life, and that is we never stop learning. Today he learned he strikes people as creepy. Paul jumps in: “We knew that . . . but how did you learn it?” During the pre-show Q&A, a woman said she was from Madison, Connecticut. Dave was unfamiliar with Madison and asked where it is. Dave could see complete fear come across her face as if she were afraid Dave would follow her home. Dave tries to assure it was only simple curiosity about where Madison, Connecticut is located. He isn’t really creepy. Rosie O’Donnell has announced that she’s going to leave “The View.” Fortunately, it looks like ABC is prepared to continue the show without her. Announcer: “Hey, nut jobs! It’s your lucky day, because ‘The View’ is looking for a new borderline instance host to replace Rosie O’Donnell! In the coming months, we’ll be auditioning crazy-ass celebrities, agitators, windbags, gasbags, and loudmouths of all kinds to take Rosie’s place. Who knows, it could be you! ‘The View’: We do crazy right.” Dave holds up a map of Connecticut. Drawn is an arrow pointing to Madison with the handwritten message, “Laurie’s house” followed by “Key under the mat.” Yeesh, that’s creepy. Former Russian President Boris Yeltsin passed away. Dave saw a very touching tribute this afternoon. Announcer: “The world was saddened by the passing of Boris Yeltsin. Some remember Yeltsin as a leader who took a defiant stand against Communism at a time when Russia threatened to slip back to its old ways. But we choose to remember him as one of history’s great drunks.” (clip of Yeltsin dancing) “Goodbye, Boris. From your friends at Smirnoff.” Senator John McCain officially announced his candidacy for the presidency today. There are some concerns that he’s too old for the job, but Dave thinks he puts those concerns to rest in this announcement. Announcer: “As a 70-year-old man running for President, John McCain has faced considerable criticism from those who think he’s too old for the job. But the senator would like to point out that many other notable people have maintained highly productive careers into their seventies (photo of Reagan), eighties (photo of Pope Benedict XVI), and beyond (photo of Dave). John McCain: What did I come in here for?” And as a reminder, Dave mentions he’ll be on "Regis" Thursday morning welcoming him back to the program after a 6-week absence. Dave says it’s going to be great; “2 old guys talking about their surgeries.” GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush “dancing.” It looks like Karl Rove is Bush’s dance instructor. Did you see our friend Tony Mendez holding cue cards for President Kennedy? That must have been just before the Bay of Pigs. Out of “Great Moments,” Dave holds up a photo of a house. He says nothing. We all know it is a photo of Laurie’s house. That’s creepy, man. ACT 2 Impressionist Week 2 Rob Magnotti. John Byner Mike MacRae. Joe Piscopo Reggie Reg It’s all next week. I’m really looking forward to John Byner doing Johnny Mathis. Boy, I hope he does his Johnny Mathis. And now it’s time for Charts & Graphs: 1. WHAT WILL BE THE TOP PRIORITY OF THE NEXT PRESIDENT? -43% STABILIZING IRAQ -31% STABILIZING CLIMATE CHANGE -26% STABILIZING “THE VIEW” 2. NUMBER OF WORLD LEADERS NAMED “FIDEL” (line goes from 1 to 0 in 2007 with note “Projected” 3. FAVORITE BASEBALL CLICHES: 57% “WE’RE GOING TO GIVE 100%” 31% “YOU PLAY ONE GAME AT A TIME” 12% “I THOUGHT IT WAS A MULTI-VITAMIN” 4. MOST COMMON LIES: 59% “I NEVER GOT THE BILL” 40% “ I OVERSLEPT” 1% “I ENJOY HOSTING A MORNING SHOW WITH REGIS” 5. WHERE DUMB GUYS TRY TO BUY FRUIT: 53% APPLE.COM 47% BANANA REPUBLIC 7. LOCATIONS OF JET BLUE PLANES CURRENTLY STUCK ON THE TARMAC: (map of United States with lots of red dots) 8. FAVORITE PART OF “CHARTS AND GRAPHS” 28% THE GRAPHS 33% THE CHARTS 39% THE AWKWARD SILENCES 9. FAVORITE PART OF M&M CANDIES: 49% M 49% THE OTHER M 2% THE AMPERSAND 10. DOES DENNIS KUCINICH HAVE A CHANCE OF BEING ELECTED PRESIDENT? -41% NO -59% NOPE 11. MOST USED FINGERS THUMB – SHORT BAR INDEX – SHORT BAR MIDDLE – LONGEST BAR RING – SHORT BAR PINKY – SHORT BAR 12. DO YOU THINK AMERICA IS READY FOR A WOMAN PRESIDENT? -17% NO -83% CAN SHE START TOMORROW? ACT 3: TOP TEN: Reasons Rosie O’Donnell is Leaving “The View” 6. Taking time off to be with her fiancé Donald Trump 5. She feels she can get more feuding done by working from home. ACT 3-4 NICOLAS CAGE: Dave really enjoyed Cage’s last film, Ghost Rider. He liked the flaming skull on the motorcycle. Nicolas asks if Dave rides? Dave says he does a little, but never while on fire. Nicolas went swimming with the Great White Sharks in South Africa some time back and goes into detail as to what that was like. What would he do if acting didn’t pan out? Nicolas says he would either be a fisherman or a Merchant Marine. And he has a castle in Germany, so it looks like this acting thing HAS worked out. And the talented Mr. Cage can hold his breath for two minutes. He proves his talent while we watch a scene from his new film, “Next,” which opens Friday. We continue to see Cage in the corner of the screen while the clip from Next rolls. What I will remember from this is seeing Nicolas Cage holding his nose while watching a clip from Next. ACT 5 Answer to trivia question: “Alan Kalter stopped caring in 1998” ACT 6 BARRY SONNENFELD: He’s the executive producer and director of the new ABC TV program, Notes From The Underbelly, Wednesdays at 8:30. Barry is always entertaining. Tonight we learn the difference between neurotic and psychotic. We learn of Barry’s philosophy on life: “Live In Fear.” We learn that he’s gone from traveling coast-to-coast via private jets to having to drive. And we learn of Neil, the “other angry Jew.” And that’s all I have for Barry Sonnenfeld and Nicolas Cage. I’m short on time today. ACT 7 THE FRATELLIS: From their CD, “Costello Music,” The Fratellis performed “Flathead.” And that was our show for Wednesday April 25, 2007. I got my daughter Danielle watching The Wonder Years. Back-to-back shows are on each night on the ION Television channel from 10:00-11:00 PM. It’s a bit too late for her but we sneaked in two episodes last night. I think she has a crush on Kevin Arnold. My favorite character on the show is the math teacher Mr. Collins. He (Steven Gilborn) plays a great character. And if The Wonder Years gets Danielle to appreciate the music heard on the show, then it will all be worth it. Next, I hope to get Danielle and Dominique to start watching “A Day With Doodles.” Millionaire $8,000 question today. “How many pecks in a bushel?” The guy didn’t know so he quit. . . . and dang it, I didn’t know it either. I felt so . . . suburban. How can I be almost 50 years old and not know how many pecks are in a bushel? A) 4 B) 10 C) 15 D) 64 I’m very disappointed in myself for not knowing this. I had to look it up. And if you don’t know the answer, you should look it up, too. Are you like me? When you order a pint of Guinness at the bar, do you also order a bottle of Bud to drink while you wait for the properly poured Guinness? And now more useless information from “The Book of Useless Information.” - influenza caused more than 20 million deaths in 1918 - it has been calculated that in the past 3,500 years, there have been only 230 years of peace throughout the civilized world - In 1911, Bobby Beach broke nearly all the bones in his body after surviving a barrel ride over Niagara Falls. Some time later in New Zealand, he slipped on a banana and died from the fall. - The slogan on the New Hampshire license plate is “Live Free or Die.” These license plates are manufactured by prisoners in the state prison in Concord. - There are 4 pecks in a bushel - It takes about 63,000 trees to make the newsprint for the average Sunday edition of the New York Times It’s time for “Another One of My Ideas That Did Not Get On The Show”. During the JFK in the Great Moments in Presidential Speeches, Tony Mendez was seen sold cue cards. At the end of the JFK clip, Tony applauded along with the rest in the inaugural crowd. I said Tony shouldn’t be clapping. He was working. He doesn’t clap on the Late Show; he shouldn’t be seen clapping at the JFK inauguration This concludes another installment of, “Another One of My Ideas That Did Not Get On The Show.” And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think. CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER From Brooklyn, New York, it’s Tom Bruce. This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER Nicolas Cage; Barry Sonnenfeld; and The Fratellis. PLUS: Rosie’s Leaving “The View”; A Tribute to Boris Yelstin; Senator John McCain; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; Charts and Graphs; and Laurie’s House. “. . . and now, stalwart of the Science Fiction community . . . . . David Letterman!” ACT 1 Dave has learned one thing in life, and that is we never stop learning. Today he learned he strikes people as creepy. Paul jumps in: “We knew that . . . but how did you learn it?” During the pre-show Q&A, a woman said she was from Madison, Connecticut. Dave was unfamiliar with Madison and asked where it is. Dave could see complete fear come across her face as if she were afraid Dave would follow her home. Dave tries to assure it was only simple curiosity about where Madison, Connecticut is located. He isn’t really creepy. Rosie O’Donnell has announced that she’s going to leave “The View.” Fortunately, it looks like ABC is prepared to continue the show without her. Announcer: “Hey, nut jobs! It’s your lucky day, because ‘The View’ is looking for a new borderline instance host to replace Rosie O’Donnell! In the coming months, we’ll be auditioning crazy-ass celebrities, agitators, windbags, gasbags, and loudmouths of all kinds to take Rosie’s place. Who knows, it could be you! ‘The View’: We do crazy right.” Dave holds up a map of Connecticut. Drawn is an arrow pointing to Madison with the handwritten message, “Laurie’s house” followed by “Key under the mat.” Yeesh, that’s creepy. Former Russian President Boris Yeltsin passed away. Dave saw a very touching tribute this afternoon. Announcer: “The world was saddened by the passing of Boris Yeltsin. Some remember Yeltsin as a leader who took a defiant stand against Communism at a time when Russia threatened to slip back to its old ways. But we choose to remember him as one of history’s great drunks.” (clip of Yeltsin dancing) “Goodbye, Boris. From your friends at Smirnoff.” Senator John McCain officially announced his candidacy for the presidency today. There are some concerns that he’s too old for the job, but Dave thinks he puts those concerns to rest in this announcement. Announcer: “As a 70-year-old man running for President, John McCain has faced considerable criticism from those who think he’s too old for the job. But the senator would like to point out that many other notable people have maintained highly productive careers into their seventies (photo of Reagan), eighties (photo of Pope Benedict XVI), and beyond (photo of Dave). John McCain: What did I come in here for?” And as a reminder, Dave mentions he’ll be on "Regis" Thursday morning welcoming him back to the program after a 6-week absence. Dave says it’s going to be great; “2 old guys talking about their surgeries.” GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush “dancing.” It looks like Karl Rove is Bush’s dance instructor. Did you see our friend Tony Mendez holding cue cards for President Kennedy? That must have been just before the Bay of Pigs. Out of “Great Moments,” Dave holds up a photo of a house. He says nothing. We all know it is a photo of Laurie’s house. That’s creepy, man. ACT 2 Impressionist Week 2 Rob Magnotti. John Byner Mike MacRae. Joe Piscopo Reggie Reg It’s all next week. I’m really looking forward to John Byner doing Johnny Mathis. Boy, I hope he does his Johnny Mathis. And now it’s time for Charts & Graphs: 1. WHAT WILL BE THE TOP PRIORITY OF THE NEXT PRESIDENT? -43% STABILIZING IRAQ -31% STABILIZING CLIMATE CHANGE -26% STABILIZING “THE VIEW” 2. NUMBER OF WORLD LEADERS NAMED “FIDEL” (line goes from 1 to 0 in 2007 with note “Projected” 3. FAVORITE BASEBALL CLICHES: 57% “WE’RE GOING TO GIVE 100%” 31% “YOU PLAY ONE GAME AT A TIME” 12% “I THOUGHT IT WAS A MULTI-VITAMIN” 4. MOST COMMON LIES: 59% “I NEVER GOT THE BILL” 40% “ I OVERSLEPT” 1% “I ENJOY HOSTING A MORNING SHOW WITH REGIS” 5. WHERE DUMB GUYS TRY TO BUY FRUIT: 53% APPLE.COM 47% BANANA REPUBLIC 7. LOCATIONS OF JET BLUE PLANES CURRENTLY STUCK ON THE TARMAC: (map of United States with lots of red dots) 8. FAVORITE PART OF “CHARTS AND GRAPHS” 28% THE GRAPHS 33% THE CHARTS 39% THE AWKWARD SILENCES 9. FAVORITE PART OF M&M CANDIES: 49% M 49% THE OTHER M 2% THE AMPERSAND 10. DOES DENNIS KUCINICH HAVE A CHANCE OF BEING ELECTED PRESIDENT? -41% NO -59% NOPE 11. MOST USED FINGERS THUMB – SHORT BAR INDEX – SHORT BAR MIDDLE – LONGEST BAR RING – SHORT BAR PINKY – SHORT BAR 12. DO YOU THINK AMERICA IS READY FOR A WOMAN PRESIDENT? -17% NO -83% CAN SHE START TOMORROW? ACT 3: TOP TEN: Reasons Rosie O’Donnell is Leaving “The View” 6. Taking time off to be with her fiancé Donald Trump 5. She feels she can get more feuding done by working from home. ACT 3-4 NICOLAS CAGE: Dave really enjoyed Cage’s last film, Ghost Rider. He liked the flaming skull on the motorcycle. Nicolas asks if Dave rides? Dave says he does a little, but never while on fire. Nicolas went swimming with the Great White Sharks in South Africa some time back and goes into detail as to what that was like. What would he do if acting didn’t pan out? Nicolas says he would either be a fisherman or a Merchant Marine. And he has a castle in Germany, so it looks like this acting thing HAS worked out. And the talented Mr. Cage can hold his breath for two minutes. He proves his talent while we watch a scene from his new film, “Next,” which opens Friday. We continue to see Cage in the corner of the screen while the clip from Next rolls. What I will remember from this is seeing Nicolas Cage holding his nose while watching a clip from Next. ACT 5 Answer to trivia question: “Alan Kalter stopped caring in 1998” ACT 6 BARRY SONNENFELD: He’s the executive producer and director of the new ABC TV program, Notes From The Underbelly, Wednesdays at 8:30. Barry is always entertaining. Tonight we learn the difference between neurotic and psychotic. We learn of Barry’s philosophy on life: “Live In Fear.” We learn that he’s gone from traveling coast-to-coast via private jets to having to drive. And we learn of Neil, the “other angry Jew.” And that’s all I have for Barry Sonnenfeld and Nicolas Cage. I’m short on time today. ACT 7 THE FRATELLIS: From their CD, “Costello Music,” The Fratellis performed “Flathead.” And that was our show for Wednesday April 25, 2007. I got my daughter Danielle watching The Wonder Years. Back-to-back shows are on each night on the ION Television channel from 10:00-11:00 PM. It’s a bit too late for her but we sneaked in two episodes last night. I think she has a crush on Kevin Arnold. My favorite character on the show is the math teacher Mr. Collins. He (Steven Gilborn) plays a great character. And if The Wonder Years gets Danielle to appreciate the music heard on the show, then it will all be worth it. Next, I hope to get Danielle and Dominique to start watching “A Day With Doodles.” Millionaire $8,000 question today. “How many pecks in a bushel?” The guy didn’t know so he quit. . . . and dang it, I didn’t know it either. I felt so . . . suburban. How can I be almost 50 years old and not know how many pecks are in a bushel? A) 4 B) 10 C) 15 D) 64 I’m very disappointed in myself for not knowing this. I had to look it up. And if you don’t know the answer, you should look it up, too. Are you like me? When you order a pint of Guinness at the bar, do you also order a bottle of Bud to drink while you wait for the properly poured Guinness? And now more useless information from “The Book of Useless Information.” - influenza caused more than 20 million deaths in 1918 - it has been calculated that in the past 3,500 years, there have been only 230 years of peace throughout the civilized world - In 1911, Bobby Beach broke nearly all the bones in his body after surviving a barrel ride over Niagara Falls. Some time later in New Zealand, he slipped on a banana and died from the fall. - The slogan on the New Hampshire license plate is “Live Free or Die.” These license plates are manufactured by prisoners in the state prison in Concord. - There are 4 pecks in a bushel - It takes about 63,000 trees to make the newsprint for the average Sunday edition of the New York Times It’s time for “Another One of My Ideas That Did Not Get On The Show”. During the JFK in the Great Moments in Presidential Speeches, Tony Mendez was seen sold cue cards. At the end of the JFK clip, Tony applauded along with the rest in the inaugural crowd. I said Tony shouldn’t be clapping. He was working. He doesn’t clap on the Late Show; he shouldn’t be seen clapping at the JFK inauguration This concludes another installment of, “Another One of My Ideas That Did Not Get On The Show.” And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think. CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER From Brooklyn, New York, it’s Tom Bruce. This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER


	ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Rosie O'Donnell Leaving "The View" • Boris Yetsin / Smirnoff Vodka • John McCain's Age • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches

	ACT 2 • Dave's Plugs "Impressionist Week 2" • Charts & Graphs

	ACT 3 • Top Ten Reasons Rosie O'Donnell Is Leaving "The View" Read now • Nicolas Cage Watch now

	ACT 4 • More Nicolas Cage

	ACT 5 • Barry Sonnenfeld

	ACT 6 • Relax with Alan Kalter

	ACT 7 • The Fratellis perform "Flathead" • Show Close


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