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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Julia Stiles; “Dishwasher Pete” Pete Jordan; and Nick Griffin. PLUS:Late Show Fun Facts; a Phone Call for Gene; Beckham and Post, the Director interrupts; a Top Ten List; and Great Moments in Presidential Speeches.
“ . . . and now, the first and last name in quality mower parts . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1 LATE SHOW FUN FACTS
- It takes eight and a half minutes for light to get from the sun to earth
- Frozen lobster an come back to life when thawed
- Tug of War was an Olympic event between 1900 and 1920
- The Dalai Lama’s birth name was Doug Reynolds, Junior
- Every day at 4, President Bush has a banjo lesson
- A 150-pound person weighs 165 pounds in Canada
- Many veterinarians in California now offer udder-enhancement surgery
- Due to a misprint, some Gideon Bibles list “the Gospel according to Mark” as “the Gospel according to Marv.”
- When it was first introduced, the Butterfinger candy bar was a chocolate-coated stick of butter
- The cheetah is the fastest animal on earth, much to the disappointment to the female cheetah
- Only 3% of American homes are equipped with a telegraph
- The human body’s largest organ is its skin, except in the case of Milton Berle.
Dave notices the phone on his desk is blinking. It’s been blinking since he sat down. No one knows the phone number so he has no idea who it could be. He picks up. Dave tells the caller that he must have the wrong number. He tells the caller, “No, I’m sorry. There’s no one here named Gene.”
Suddenly, a stagehand enters. He says to Dave, “That’s for me.” He takes the phone and sits on the front edge of Dave’s desk. GENE: “Hello? Hey, what’s up? . . . . yeah, we’re doing the show right now . . . . No, I can talk.”
Gene picks up Dave’s coffee mug and sips. GENE: “When? Tonight? . . .. Yeah, I can do that. Where? . . . .”
Gene asks Dave if he has something he can write on. Dave hands him a sheet of paper. GENE: (writing) “70th and West End . . . cool . . . . who’s gonna be there? . . . . oh yeah?. . . . that sounds tight. . . . . alright, dude, I’ll see you later.”
Gene hangs up and exits. As Dave goes on with his Fun Facts, Gene quickly reenters to take the message he wrote down.
I have a feeling Gene will be hearing from his supervisor. Not to worry, though, it’s a Union job.
Dave continues with the Fun Facts.
- Ayman Al-Zawahiri once appeared in a threatening video with Cous Cous in his beard (this one was not read. This Fun Fact was used by Gene to write his note.)
- Until 1970, the IRS taxed Monopoly winnings
- In 1998, a support group called “N.A.” was founded by people who are addicted to non-alcoholic beer
- 4% of people cry when slicing onions because they feel sorry for the onions
- To date, “Hee Haw” is the only TV show title based on a sound made by a donkey
- In Tempe, Arizona, it is illegal o yell ‘Yahtzee’ in a crowded theater
- Coincidentally, like the cartoon cat, former President James Garfield also loved lasagna and hated Mondays
- 65% of unmarried butchers admit to occasionally fondling cutlets
And that’s the facts.
ACT 2
Have you been caught up in the David Beckham/Posh Spice hoopla that’s sweeping America, or at least sweeping parts of L.A.? Well, we are very lucky because they are here tonight. Dave introduces David Beckham and Posh Spice.
Enter the Beckhams, who look a lot like our costume designer Sue Hum and our technical maintenance engineer Gary Mintz. The stop center stage, wave, then exit.
Paul, always suspicious, asks Dave, “Was that really them?”
Dave hems a little bit, then haws, “Uhhh, I’m not a huge soccer fan but yes, that was them.”
TOP TEN: Things You Don’t Want To Hear At Summer Camp 7. “Welcome to Shaq’s camp for fat kids. 5. “Children, please enjoy the comedy of Eddie Brill!”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES. We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: “Chertoff, he’s the Homeland guy. Department of Homeland Security. Secretary of Homeland Security. Crawford, we kinda shortcut it here. Look, no one’s ever accused me of being Shakespeare.”
ACT 3 - 4 JULIA STILES
Julia is on the cover of this month’s Cosmo. It’s the HOT ISSUE. Just to the left of her photograph in big yellow letters is the headline: “Erotic Sex.” The headline has nothing to do with her. Her photo goes with the smaller headline: “Julia Stiles – The Least Bitchy Girl in Hollywood!” Inside the issue is a copy of The Cosmo Quiz she had taken. Dave recognizes an easy interview when he sees one and simply starts asking Julia questions from the quiz. Ready questions, ready answers, except Julia doesn’t remember how she answered in the quiz.
Summer plans? Julia is just back from a trip to Miami . . . a trip she took by train. She’s not a huge train fan but the person she went with is very afraid of planes so they took the train. Julia was thinking the trip would be like the Orient Express but it was not quite. Amtrak shares the rail with freight trains and if you get stuck behind one, you have to go at their pace. The half-day scheduled trip took an extra day. She met some very interesting people on the trip, including an Amtrak conductor who was wearing his 25 or 30-year Gold Amtrak ring. Julia admired it so much she hopes to find one on ebay. Dave doesn’t quite understand the desire for such a ring if you haven’t earned it. I guess you can wear it and just pretend.
Her new film, The Bourne Ultimatum, opens August 3rd.
ACT 5: In our green room are America’s Newest “IT” Couple, David Beckham and Posh Spice.
ACT 6 “DISHWASHER PETE,” PETE JORDAN: He is the author of the book, “Dishwasher: One Man’s Quest To Wash Dishes In All Fifty States.” This is Pete Jordan’s first time here on the Late Show, but he did have an impostor appear back in 1995. At the time, Pete started getting a lot of media attention when it became known of his quest to wash dishes in all 50 states. Pete had no desire to do any interviews; no desire to be on TV. His friend Jess thought Pete was nuts to pass on the opportunity to be on TV. Pete told him that Jess could go in his place to the next person to contact him for an interview. The next morning, Pete heard from the Late Show. And he let Jess be Pete. Jess flew in for the show, along with Pete who tagged along. Jess and Pete successfully pulled off the hoax. It goes further into detail in the book.
So has Pete completed his goal of washing dishes in all 50 states? No. He fell short. He made it to 33 states. What happened? He fell in love. Ahhhhh. Hey, here’s something . . . Larry King has fallen in love in all 50 states.
What’s so appealing about washing dishes? Pete says he doesn’t like to work in one place for too long and he says about dishwashing: “It’s a good occupation to quit.”
Pete is now living in Amsterdam and working with his wife at a bike repair shop. The book is in stores now.
ACT 7 NICK GRIFFIN: he’ll be performing Saturday night at the “Stand Up New York Comedy Club” right here in New York City. Nick touched upon:
- his drinking
- today’s over stimulated society
- energy drinks
- sex – calling in ‘horny’ to work
- and his love of cookies.
I haven’t heard the audience react like this to a comedian in quite a while. They loved Nick. Nice job.
And that was our show for Friday July 20, 2007.
In the August Cosmopolitan magazine with Julia on the cover, there is a sidebar of what Julia wants to do before the summer ends in New York. How do her summer plans match up with mine? Julia: Have friends over for a barbecue on her roof. Me: Have friends over for a barbecue at the swim club.
The Judges Say: That’s a match. Julia: Surf in Montauk.Me: I have no desire to surf in Montauk, but I did go tubing on Lake George.
The Judges say: Close enough. Julia: Ride the Cyclone roller coaster at Coney Island. Me: The Coney Island roller coaster is on my list of things to do EVERY summer. I haven’t done it yet.
The Judges Say: That’s a match. Julia: Shuck my own Cape Cod oysters. Me: This weekend I’m canoeing down the Delaware River with friends and as a snack afterwards I’m bringing sardines.
The Judges Say: Not a match. Julia: Catch a baseball game. Me: Catch a baseball game.
The Judges Say: That’s a match. Julia: Have fresh mango slices with chili from the Sunday vendors in Red Hook, Brooklyn. Me: My daughter Dominique loves pineapples and so I bought a fresh one at Stop and Shop this weekend. I cut it up this morning.
The Judges Say: Much to my surprise, the Judges say that’s a match. Julia: Run through a park sprinkler on a hot day in New York City. Me: Last Saturday, my daughter Danielle ran through the fountain in Washington Square Park.
The Judges Say: That’s a match. Julia: Go to a Drive-In movie Me: I try to go to a Drive-In movie every summer up in Warwick, New York.
The Judges Say: That’s a match.
Wow! It looks like I would be one heckuva date for Julia Stiles. We have so much in common . . except for looks, shape, talent, and income.
Front page story in today’s New York Post: An NBA basketball ref has been implicated in a mob betting scandal, making calls that affected the point spread to guarantee those on the “in” with huge winning bets. Hmmm, gamblers targeting referees in fixing games . . . . where have I heard that before?
From the October 7, 2003 Wahoo Gazette:
“If a mobster wants to fix a game, you would think he would want to approach a quarterback with a big payoff. You would be wrong. A quarterback makes enough money as it is. Money wouldn’t be much of an incentive. In fact, most players make too much money to be swayed by a monetary gain. My theory is if you want to affect the outcome of a football game, influence the referees. They don’t make a lot of money, but they have a major influence on the game.”
TA DA!
Atlanta Falcon quarterback Michael Vick is in big trouble for his alleged involvement in dogfighting. It’s not good. It’s very barbaric. But then I thought of something I did 15 years ago in Puerto Rico. Across from my hotel, there was a small arena that featured cockfighting every Wednesday night. It was legal at the time. I saw it advertised and knew I had to go. I knew it was something I would never get the chance to see again. It was fascinating . . . . and very gruesome. And something I wouldn’t do again. There was seating for at least 250 in a circular arena. And it was nearly full. The whole atmosphere was crazy with lots and lots of betting. Would I ever go again? No. And would I have gone in the first place if roosters were as cute as dogs. Probably not.
Mayor Bloomberg’s congestion pricing plan was stopped cold, but now it’s moving again. Just like city traffic.
The Emmy nominations were announced on Thursday. For Best Sitcom, I’m voting for the Seinfeld reruns. What will win for Best Sitcom? Probably the CW11 Morning News.
I say it every year: the Emmy Awards need a new category, and here it is:
Best Award Show Acceptance Speech.
The Emmy people can choose from any LIVE televised Awards show in the past year– Academy Awards, Tony Awards, the Grammys, People’s Choice, last year’s Emmys, etc. It might make the Award shows a little bit more entertaining.
If man had actually landed on the moon, they would have done it on July 20, 1969.
1969 has always been my favorite year: The Mets, the Jets, Woodstock, the music, the moon, Hee Haw . . . . and then you also had the Manson murders and Ted Kennedy and Chappaquiddick. Lots happened in ’69.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Tommy’s in Los Angeles, home of world’s best chili cheeseburger, it’s Nelson Shirota.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Julia Stiles; “Dishwasher Pete” Pete Jordan; and Nick Griffin. PLUS:Late Show Fun Facts; a Phone Call for Gene; Beckham and Post, the Director interrupts; a Top Ten List; and Great Moments in Presidential Speeches.
“ . . . and now, the first and last name in quality mower parts . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1 LATE SHOW FUN FACTS
- It takes eight and a half minutes for light to get from the sun to earth
- Frozen lobster an come back to life when thawed
- Tug of War was an Olympic event between 1900 and 1920
- The Dalai Lama’s birth name was Doug Reynolds, Junior
- Every day at 4, President Bush has a banjo lesson
- A 150-pound person weighs 165 pounds in Canada
- Many veterinarians in California now offer udder-enhancement surgery
- Due to a misprint, some Gideon Bibles list “the Gospel according to Mark” as “the Gospel according to Marv.”
- When it was first introduced, the Butterfinger candy bar was a chocolate-coated stick of butter
- The cheetah is the fastest animal on earth, much to the disappointment to the female cheetah
- Only 3% of American homes are equipped with a telegraph
- The human body’s largest organ is its skin, except in the case of Milton Berle.
Dave notices the phone on his desk is blinking. It’s been blinking since he sat down. No one knows the phone number so he has no idea who it could be. He picks up. Dave tells the caller that he must have the wrong number. He tells the caller, “No, I’m sorry. There’s no one here named Gene.”
Suddenly, a stagehand enters. He says to Dave, “That’s for me.” He takes the phone and sits on the front edge of Dave’s desk. GENE: “Hello? Hey, what’s up? . . . . yeah, we’re doing the show right now . . . . No, I can talk.”
Gene picks up Dave’s coffee mug and sips. GENE: “When? Tonight? . . .. Yeah, I can do that. Where? . . . .”
Gene asks Dave if he has something he can write on. Dave hands him a sheet of paper. GENE: (writing) “70th and West End . . . cool . . . . who’s gonna be there? . . . . oh yeah?. . . . that sounds tight. . . . . alright, dude, I’ll see you later.”
Gene hangs up and exits. As Dave goes on with his Fun Facts, Gene quickly reenters to take the message he wrote down.
I have a feeling Gene will be hearing from his supervisor. Not to worry, though, it’s a Union job.
Dave continues with the Fun Facts.
- Ayman Al-Zawahiri once appeared in a threatening video with Cous Cous in his beard (this one was not read. This Fun Fact was used by Gene to write his note.)
- Until 1970, the IRS taxed Monopoly winnings
- In 1998, a support group called “N.A.” was founded by people who are addicted to non-alcoholic beer
- 4% of people cry when slicing onions because they feel sorry for the onions
- To date, “Hee Haw” is the only TV show title based on a sound made by a donkey
- In Tempe, Arizona, it is illegal o yell ‘Yahtzee’ in a crowded theater
- Coincidentally, like the cartoon cat, former President James Garfield also loved lasagna and hated Mondays
- 65% of unmarried butchers admit to occasionally fondling cutlets
And that’s the facts.
ACT 2
Have you been caught up in the David Beckham/Posh Spice hoopla that’s sweeping America, or at least sweeping parts of L.A.? Well, we are very lucky because they are here tonight. Dave introduces David Beckham and Posh Spice.
Enter the Beckhams, who look a lot like our costume designer Sue Hum and our technical maintenance engineer Gary Mintz. The stop center stage, wave, then exit.
Paul, always suspicious, asks Dave, “Was that really them?”
Dave hems a little bit, then haws, “Uhhh, I’m not a huge soccer fan but yes, that was them.”
TOP TEN: Things You Don’t Want To Hear At Summer Camp 7. “Welcome to Shaq’s camp for fat kids. 5. “Children, please enjoy the comedy of Eddie Brill!”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES. We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: “Chertoff, he’s the Homeland guy. Department of Homeland Security. Secretary of Homeland Security. Crawford, we kinda shortcut it here. Look, no one’s ever accused me of being Shakespeare.”
ACT 3 - 4 JULIA STILES
Julia is on the cover of this month’s Cosmo. It’s the HOT ISSUE. Just to the left of her photograph in big yellow letters is the headline: “Erotic Sex.” The headline has nothing to do with her. Her photo goes with the smaller headline: “Julia Stiles – The Least Bitchy Girl in Hollywood!” Inside the issue is a copy of The Cosmo Quiz she had taken. Dave recognizes an easy interview when he sees one and simply starts asking Julia questions from the quiz. Ready questions, ready answers, except Julia doesn’t remember how she answered in the quiz.
Summer plans? Julia is just back from a trip to Miami . . . a trip she took by train. She’s not a huge train fan but the person she went with is very afraid of planes so they took the train. Julia was thinking the trip would be like the Orient Express but it was not quite. Amtrak shares the rail with freight trains and if you get stuck behind one, you have to go at their pace. The half-day scheduled trip took an extra day. She met some very interesting people on the trip, including an Amtrak conductor who was wearing his 25 or 30-year Gold Amtrak ring. Julia admired it so much she hopes to find one on ebay. Dave doesn’t quite understand the desire for such a ring if you haven’t earned it. I guess you can wear it and just pretend.
Her new film, The Bourne Ultimatum, opens August 3rd.
ACT 5: In our green room are America’s Newest “IT” Couple, David Beckham and Posh Spice.
ACT 6 “DISHWASHER PETE,” PETE JORDAN: He is the author of the book, “Dishwasher: One Man’s Quest To Wash Dishes In All Fifty States.” This is Pete Jordan’s first time here on the Late Show, but he did have an impostor appear back in 1995. At the time, Pete started getting a lot of media attention when it became known of his quest to wash dishes in all 50 states. Pete had no desire to do any interviews; no desire to be on TV. His friend Jess thought Pete was nuts to pass on the opportunity to be on TV. Pete told him that Jess could go in his place to the next person to contact him for an interview. The next morning, Pete heard from the Late Show. And he let Jess be Pete. Jess flew in for the show, along with Pete who tagged along. Jess and Pete successfully pulled off the hoax. It goes further into detail in the book.
So has Pete completed his goal of washing dishes in all 50 states? No. He fell short. He made it to 33 states. What happened? He fell in love. Ahhhhh. Hey, here’s something . . . Larry King has fallen in love in all 50 states.
What’s so appealing about washing dishes? Pete says he doesn’t like to work in one place for too long and he says about dishwashing: “It’s a good occupation to quit.”
Pete is now living in Amsterdam and working with his wife at a bike repair shop. The book is in stores now.
ACT 7 NICK GRIFFIN: he’ll be performing Saturday night at the “Stand Up New York Comedy Club” right here in New York City. Nick touched upon:
- his drinking
- today’s over stimulated society
- energy drinks
- sex – calling in ‘horny’ to work
- and his love of cookies.
I haven’t heard the audience react like this to a comedian in quite a while. They loved Nick. Nice job.
And that was our show for Friday July 20, 2007.
In the August Cosmopolitan magazine with Julia on the cover, there is a sidebar of what Julia wants to do before the summer ends in New York. How do her summer plans match up with mine? Julia: Have friends over for a barbecue on her roof. Me: Have friends over for a barbecue at the swim club.
The Judges Say: That’s a match. Julia: Surf in Montauk.Me: I have no desire to surf in Montauk, but I did go tubing on Lake George.
The Judges say: Close enough. Julia: Ride the Cyclone roller coaster at Coney Island. Me: The Coney Island roller coaster is on my list of things to do EVERY summer. I haven’t done it yet.
The Judges Say: That’s a match. Julia: Shuck my own Cape Cod oysters. Me: This weekend I’m canoeing down the Delaware River with friends and as a snack afterwards I’m bringing sardines.
The Judges Say: Not a match. Julia: Catch a baseball game. Me: Catch a baseball game.
The Judges Say: That’s a match. Julia: Have fresh mango slices with chili from the Sunday vendors in Red Hook, Brooklyn. Me: My daughter Dominique loves pineapples and so I bought a fresh one at Stop and Shop this weekend. I cut it up this morning.
The Judges Say: Much to my surprise, the Judges say that’s a match. Julia: Run through a park sprinkler on a hot day in New York City. Me: Last Saturday, my daughter Danielle ran through the fountain in Washington Square Park.
The Judges Say: That’s a match. Julia: Go to a Drive-In movie Me: I try to go to a Drive-In movie every summer up in Warwick, New York.
The Judges Say: That’s a match.
Wow! It looks like I would be one heckuva date for Julia Stiles. We have so much in common . . except for looks, shape, talent, and income.
Front page story in today’s New York Post: An NBA basketball ref has been implicated in a mob betting scandal, making calls that affected the point spread to guarantee those on the “in” with huge winning bets. Hmmm, gamblers targeting referees in fixing games . . . . where have I heard that before?
From the October 7, 2003 Wahoo Gazette:
“If a mobster wants to fix a game, you would think he would want to approach a quarterback with a big payoff. You would be wrong. A quarterback makes enough money as it is. Money wouldn’t be much of an incentive. In fact, most players make too much money to be swayed by a monetary gain. My theory is if you want to affect the outcome of a football game, influence the referees. They don’t make a lot of money, but they have a major influence on the game.”
TA DA!
Atlanta Falcon quarterback Michael Vick is in big trouble for his alleged involvement in dogfighting. It’s not good. It’s very barbaric. But then I thought of something I did 15 years ago in Puerto Rico. Across from my hotel, there was a small arena that featured cockfighting every Wednesday night. It was legal at the time. I saw it advertised and knew I had to go. I knew it was something I would never get the chance to see again. It was fascinating . . . . and very gruesome. And something I wouldn’t do again. There was seating for at least 250 in a circular arena. And it was nearly full. The whole atmosphere was crazy with lots and lots of betting. Would I ever go again? No. And would I have gone in the first place if roosters were as cute as dogs. Probably not.
Mayor Bloomberg’s congestion pricing plan was stopped cold, but now it’s moving again. Just like city traffic.
The Emmy nominations were announced on Thursday. For Best Sitcom, I’m voting for the Seinfeld reruns. What will win for Best Sitcom? Probably the CW11 Morning News.
I say it every year: the Emmy Awards need a new category, and here it is:
Best Award Show Acceptance Speech.
The Emmy people can choose from any LIVE televised Awards show in the past year– Academy Awards, Tony Awards, the Grammys, People’s Choice, last year’s Emmys, etc. It might make the Award shows a little bit more entertaining.
If man had actually landed on the moon, they would have done it on July 20, 1969.
1969 has always been my favorite year: The Mets, the Jets, Woodstock, the music, the moon, Hee Haw . . . . and then you also had the Manson murders and Ted Kennedy and Chappaquiddick. Lots happened in ’69.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Tommy’s in Los Angeles, home of world’s best chili cheeseburger, it’s Nelson Shirota.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Fun Facts • Phone Call for Gene • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • David Beckham and Posh Spice • Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear at Summer Camp Read now
