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THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Paul Rudd; Tony Dungy; and The National. PLUS:A Card for Lindsay; Starbucks; Rollie Stiles; “Why We Love Bear Grylls”; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Alan Kalter’s Wacky World of Sports; and Dave’s Pitch for Crescent Springs Village.
“. . . and now, the new host of ‘To Tell The Truth’ . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1
Walks into audience – money – pricey sweatshirt
Dave feels someone needs to go to Hollywood and get the young starlets and put them in a program. Dave was saddened when he heard earlier today that Lindsay Lohan had once again gotten picked up for D.U.I. Dave was thinking ahead because he had a bunch of cards made up last year. Dave shows the greeting card.
The card reads: “Sorry you got busted for another D.U.I., Lindsay.”
The name “Lindsay” appears in a little cut-out window on the front of the card. The name is on a small wheel. Spin the wheel and another name appears in the cut-out window on the card: “Paris.” Spin it some more: “Britney”, and then “Nicole” and then finally, “Regis.”
Dave feels the young Hollywood stars need someone to rap with to release their angst and their need for artificial outside stimuli. Dave knows just how to talk to them. He’ll start with, “Hey, kids.”
Oy, vey. Did you hear that Starbucks is raising their coffee prices? They came out with this announcement. Announcer: “We here at Starbucks regret to announce that we are raising the price of our beverages by 9 cents. We wish to assure all of our customers that this step is necessary to combat the rising costs of storing the billion dollars we make charging already ridiculous prices for coffee. Starbucks: Very Expensive Coffee.”
Dave throws the blue card through the window. We hear the vocals of Jose Feliciano singing “Old Turkey Buzzard.” Lovely.
Are you familiar with the name Rollie Stiles? Well, you should be. Maybe this’ll help. Announcer: “Rollie Stiles, believed to be the oldest major league baseball player, passed away Sunday at the age of 100. The title of oldest living person to have played baseball now goes to . . . Roger Clemens. Roger Clemens: 80 and loving it.”
During the showing of the Roger Clemens clip, our executive producer approached Dave and said, “Do we have to listen to all 13 seconds of “Old Turkey Buzzard”?
Dave’s answer: “Yes.”
Dave found the following news very upsetting. Are you familiar with the program, “Man vs. Wild” starring Bear Grylls? He gets dropped off in the middle of the wilderness and then shows how a survivalist deals with the elements in order to survive. He’ll catch a fish in his bare hands and bite it while it’s still wiggling. He’ll make a fort out of leaves and bark. He’ll start a fire without a match. He’ll find food in the strangest of places. And now it’s been found that after the day’s taping, Bear Grylls allegedly spends the night at a nearby hotel. He’s not roughing it at all. Despite the controversy, Dave still loves the guy. We put something together, something we call “Why We Love Bear Grylls.” From this weekend’s episode of “Man vs. Wild,” we see Bear Grylls lament, “The only thing I can do is drink my own pee.” Dave gets a kick out of that. He recreates a possible scenario: “Hey, Bear, what are you gonna do now?” And we imagine the answer, “The only thing I can do is drink my own pee.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: “Ummm . . . . . . . .”
ACT 2
Back from commercial, we find Dave in a living room setting sitting on the edge of a sofa. An easel stands nearby with an aerial view of a lovely development. Dave begins his sales pitch. DAVE: “Hi, I’m Dave Letterman. You’ve heard me talk about the fantastic, affordable properties at Crescent Springs Village in Alabama. It’s luxury living at its finest. But, hey, don’t take my word for it. Here’s what other people are saying. SUE (resident of Crescent Springs Village): “Crescent Springs Village is the perfect economical place to raise a family. And it’s so close to the shopping and fine restaurants of Huntsville, Alabama.” KARL (resident of Crescent Springs Village): “It’s so affordable, it’ll knock your socks off! When I heard about it, I thought, ‘What’s the catch?’ But you know what? There is no catch!” RICHARD (resident of Crescent Springs Village – he is holding a golf club): “Golf Digest magazine calls the private championship 16-hole golf course at Crescent Springs Village ‘one of the best in Henderson County.’ And it was designed by the one and only Lou Bannister. Does it get any better than that?” DAVE: “Crescent Springs Valley really does have it all. Visit the website below for more information.” (www.cbs.com/lateshow/crescentsprings/promotionaloffer)
“Just enter the keyword ‘DAVE’ to begin building a wonderful future for you and your family . . . just like I did.”
FREEZE; Logo flies in. ALAN V.O.: “Crescent Springs Village --- Paradise is waiting!”
We come back to find Dave at the desk for the Top Ten list. TOP TEN: Signs A Referee Is Fixing Games. 10. He leads the league in blocked shots. 2. Miami Heat hasn’t lost a game since Shaq promised to help the referee’s fat son
ACT 3 PAUL RUDD: You make have seen Paul in the big summer surprise hit, Knocked Up. Leading up to doing Knocked Up, Paul kept a list of everything that annoyed his wife so he could perhaps use it in the film. He found the list to be much longer than he expected. His wife never failed to remind him of such things. Even last night. Paul had said to his wife, “I‘ve got to hang up this suit because I’m going to wear it on Letterman tomorrow.” His wife countered, “Well, could you do Letterman every day!”
Paul grew up in Kansas in Overland Park. Was there much to do there in the summer? Paul says there never was much to do in Overland Park. He only remembers microwaving pizzas and watching Petticoat Junction in the basement. Ever get in trouble? Not much, but he did once throw some roman candles down the sewer. No one showed up, though.
One summer Paul really got into the 50s music phase and fashion. He wore pants with pleats in the back. He’d cruise around listening to the soundtrack of American Graffiti. He got teased a little bit but he was in such denial. Paul thought the other kids were just in denial. They only wished they could be as cool as him.
I remember one summer of listening to nothing but American Graffiti. At night, a bunch of us would hang out at a gas station. The gas station would be closed but they had a soda machine that if you pressed two buttons at once, you would get two sodas. Once in a while we would get three at once. Five of us would end up drinking a six-pack of soda each on the cheap. We called ourselves “The Bottlenecks.” We were really goofy, and we knew we were goofy. That’s what was so good about the neighborhood. Cool was for school. Goofy was for the neighborhood. Eventually we introduced goofy to school and goofy was then cool. Or at least we thought so.
Paul Rudd’s new film, The Ten, opens August 3rd in selected cities. It is 10 shorts stories loosely based on the Ten Commandments. It looks goofy and cool.
ACT 4
Well, Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick finds himself in some trouble. That’s the topic of tonight’s, “ALAN KALTER’S WACKY WORLD OF SPORTS.” ALAN: “Thanks, DL. Quarterback Michael Vick has been indicted for hosting dog fights in his backyard. Guess this gives new meaning to the expression, ‘Don’t take the underdog.’ (rim shot) I know Vick felt his offensive coordinator kept him on a short leash, but this is ridiculous! (rim shot) DAVE: “Uhhh, Alan . . . . that’s just awful. . . .” ALAN: “You think I wanted to host “Alan Kalter’s Wacky World of Sports’? Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to play sports, because I had to help out at mom’s candle store. (rim shot) Hey, no rim shot! That’s not a joke! I don’t give a crap about athletics, but I have to host the ‘Wacky World of Sports!’ because Jim Lampley and Bob Costas said ‘No.’ Screw this!”
Alan knocks over his podium and storms off. ALAN: “Find yourself another sucker, tramp!”
ACT 5
“It’s time for the ‘Tony Mendez Show Spotlight.’ Log on today and hear ‘Tony’s Bonus Behind-The-Scenes Commentary on a Recent Comedy Shoot.’ Just log on to www.cbs.com/lateshow. You won’t wanna miss it! We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6 TONY DUNGY: Head coach of the Super Bowl champion Indianapolis Colts and the author of his memoir, “Quiet Strength.” Coach Dungy shows off his Super Bowl rings, at Dave’s urging, one as a coach of the Colts and as a player with the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Tony says he once lived in Overland, Kansas, the same town Paul Rudd grew up, and now understands what happened to his sewer grate (fireworks reference).
Dave wants to know what the upcoming football season holds; what to expect from his hometown Colts; and how will the team fill the holes left by leaving players on defense? And then the two relived the comeback playoff win vs. the New England Patriots (32 points in the second half) and the Super Bowl win vs. the Chicago Bears.
What I didn’t know about Tony Dungy was his accomplished career as a 4-year starting quarterback with the University of Minnesota Gophers. I did a quick Google check on the Wikipedia:
“Dungy was recruited by University of Minnesota and played for the Golden Gophers from 1973 to 1976. He entered the starting lineup as a quarterback during his freshman year and after playing for four years finished as Minnesota's career leader in pass attempts (576), completions (274), touchdown passes (25), and passing yards (3,577).”
And then I read in Wikipedia:
Dungy is the only NFL player since the AFL-NFL merger to intercept a pass and throw an interception in the same game. Dungy was the emergency quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers in a 1977 game against the Baltimore Colts when both Terry Bradshaw and Mike Kruczek went down with injuries on October 30, 1977. He played safety on defense.
Dungy’s Colts start camp this week. Dave offers this bit of football advice: Make pretty boy Peyton Manning run laps whenever the chance arises. The extra work will do him good.
ACT 7
Before the music, Dave shows off the Super Bowl trophy. Dave finds the perfect place for it on the shelf behind the desk. I don’t think Coach Dungy is getting it back.
THE NATIONAL: From their album, “Boxer,” The National performed “Fake Empire.”
And that was our show for Tuesday July 24, 2007.
Went on a canoe trip this weekend down the Delaware River. After the trip back at the camp, it’s time to relax with drinks. Lots of beer; I had my Gin Collins. Pina Coladas were flowing. But how to make Pina Coladas without an electric blender or an electric hookup? One guy had a blender powered by what looked like a motor from a weedwacker. A couple pulls on the cord revved up the motor. And to increase the speed of the blender, he would turn the motorcycle-like handlebar accelerator. Very cool, and I don’t when I had a better Colada. Ahh, the things you can learn when you go back to nature on a canoe trip.
And now a coincidence that will only interest me. I’m driving to work Tuesday morning listening to Sam Greenfield on Air America. A caller is describing something and Greenfield responds with humor, “It sounds like my wedding vows.” The caller responded to the line as if it were much funnier than it was. I sighed and immediately turned the station. And then on my way home, I hope in the car and turn on Air America. It’s a replay of Greenfield’s morning show. The first thing I hear is “it sounds like my wedding vows.” Gee whiz, how about that?
Yeah, I really got nothing today.
Yesterday I mentioned that I was surprised to learn that you could go up into the St. Louis Gateway Arch. I never knew that.
From Paul Nager of Bridgeport, Connecticut:
”Yes, you can go up in the St. Louis Gateway Arch. Yes, there are windows on each side to view (mostly) down into downtown St. Louis or the Mississippi River. But the windows are small and not easily seen in a casual view of the Arch, so don't feel too bad about not noticing them.
The Arch is 630 feet high.”
From Suzan C. of Oglesby, Illinois:
”Yes, you can go up the St. Louis Arch in tiny little capsules that seat 4 0r 5 on little stools. It is a jerky ride because the capsule is constantly righted itself to stay upright. The view of the city is fantastic and worth the ride up. If you are ever in St. Louis, be sure to go up and also to visit the museum in the base.
From Paul Pacholski of Chicago:
”Yes you can go up in the arch and it is pretty cool. You get into these little egg shaped pods that hold six and they ratchet their way up. Going up a little then over then up then over...you get the picture. On top there is a narrow room with small airplane type windows with a great view. You can feel it swaying in the wind as well so it feels a little like you’re on a boat if it is a windy day. There is also a very good museum on westward expansion underneath. All in all it is something to see. You might not think so from pictures but when you see it live and can really get a feel for the scale and simplistic beauty of it. It will surpass your expectations.”
Al Page:
“It's actually quite cool. I went there in 2002. You should check out the site...something to do around 5 PM tonight...the elevator ‘pods’ that you go up in are innovative. The arch actually sways in the wind and the National Park Ranger that was up there said that some people get seasick.
“Yes, there are windows on top of the Arch! You have to squish into a car that starts off going vertically and ends nearly horizontal. I went 19 years ago, and Marie Osmond also happened to be visiting there at the same time!”
Marie Osmond! Wow, Don! Some people have all the luck!
So you can go up into the St. Louis Gateway Arch. Who knew?
Does anyone else have a thrilling story about the St. Louis Gateway Arch?
And Monday, I received some of the saddest news I’ve heard in quite a while. I was sent this message:
“Sources say ‘The World's Only Reliable Newspaper is shutting down.
Weekly World News will be closing its paper and web editions. So long,
Bat Boy.”
Say it ain’t so. The Weekly World News has long been a favorite read of mine. I would buy it for my lunchtime enjoyment while on the police department. While hanging up my gear, other officers would grab the paper and mock me for buying such a rag. They’d leaf through it for the entire break, laughing on every page at the outrageous articles. After the hour, they’d get up and shake their head, still not understanding why I would waste my money on such garbage. I would point out that they were just entertained with lots of laughs for the past hour, all for only a buck. Most were unconvinced, but they would again bogart my Weekly World the next week and the week after that. Hopefully the demise of the Weekly World News is just an exaggeration.
And now, even more useless information from “The Ultimate Book of Useless Information” by Neil Botham & The Useless Information Society.
- Rembrandt’s last name was van Ryn.
- Gambrinous is a word meaning “being full of beer”
- Author Lewis Carroll combined the words “chuckle” and “snort” to come up with the word “chortle” in “Through the Looking Glass.”
- Transurphobia is the fear of haircuts
- pasta vermicelli means “little worms”
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Floral Park, New York, by way of the Bronx, it’s Martin J. McDonough
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Paul Rudd; Tony Dungy; and The National. PLUS:A Card for Lindsay; Starbucks; Rollie Stiles; “Why We Love Bear Grylls”; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Alan Kalter’s Wacky World of Sports; and Dave’s Pitch for Crescent Springs Village.
“. . . and now, the new host of ‘To Tell The Truth’ . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1
Walks into audience – money – pricey sweatshirt
Dave feels someone needs to go to Hollywood and get the young starlets and put them in a program. Dave was saddened when he heard earlier today that Lindsay Lohan had once again gotten picked up for D.U.I. Dave was thinking ahead because he had a bunch of cards made up last year. Dave shows the greeting card.
The card reads: “Sorry you got busted for another D.U.I., Lindsay.”
The name “Lindsay” appears in a little cut-out window on the front of the card. The name is on a small wheel. Spin the wheel and another name appears in the cut-out window on the card: “Paris.” Spin it some more: “Britney”, and then “Nicole” and then finally, “Regis.”
Dave feels the young Hollywood stars need someone to rap with to release their angst and their need for artificial outside stimuli. Dave knows just how to talk to them. He’ll start with, “Hey, kids.”
Oy, vey. Did you hear that Starbucks is raising their coffee prices? They came out with this announcement. Announcer: “We here at Starbucks regret to announce that we are raising the price of our beverages by 9 cents. We wish to assure all of our customers that this step is necessary to combat the rising costs of storing the billion dollars we make charging already ridiculous prices for coffee. Starbucks: Very Expensive Coffee.”
Dave throws the blue card through the window. We hear the vocals of Jose Feliciano singing “Old Turkey Buzzard.” Lovely.
Are you familiar with the name Rollie Stiles? Well, you should be. Maybe this’ll help. Announcer: “Rollie Stiles, believed to be the oldest major league baseball player, passed away Sunday at the age of 100. The title of oldest living person to have played baseball now goes to . . . Roger Clemens. Roger Clemens: 80 and loving it.”
During the showing of the Roger Clemens clip, our executive producer approached Dave and said, “Do we have to listen to all 13 seconds of “Old Turkey Buzzard”?
Dave’s answer: “Yes.”
Dave found the following news very upsetting. Are you familiar with the program, “Man vs. Wild” starring Bear Grylls? He gets dropped off in the middle of the wilderness and then shows how a survivalist deals with the elements in order to survive. He’ll catch a fish in his bare hands and bite it while it’s still wiggling. He’ll make a fort out of leaves and bark. He’ll start a fire without a match. He’ll find food in the strangest of places. And now it’s been found that after the day’s taping, Bear Grylls allegedly spends the night at a nearby hotel. He’s not roughing it at all. Despite the controversy, Dave still loves the guy. We put something together, something we call “Why We Love Bear Grylls.” From this weekend’s episode of “Man vs. Wild,” we see Bear Grylls lament, “The only thing I can do is drink my own pee.” Dave gets a kick out of that. He recreates a possible scenario: “Hey, Bear, what are you gonna do now?” And we imagine the answer, “The only thing I can do is drink my own pee.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: “Ummm . . . . . . . .”
ACT 2
Back from commercial, we find Dave in a living room setting sitting on the edge of a sofa. An easel stands nearby with an aerial view of a lovely development. Dave begins his sales pitch. DAVE: “Hi, I’m Dave Letterman. You’ve heard me talk about the fantastic, affordable properties at Crescent Springs Village in Alabama. It’s luxury living at its finest. But, hey, don’t take my word for it. Here’s what other people are saying. SUE (resident of Crescent Springs Village): “Crescent Springs Village is the perfect economical place to raise a family. And it’s so close to the shopping and fine restaurants of Huntsville, Alabama.” KARL (resident of Crescent Springs Village): “It’s so affordable, it’ll knock your socks off! When I heard about it, I thought, ‘What’s the catch?’ But you know what? There is no catch!” RICHARD (resident of Crescent Springs Village – he is holding a golf club): “Golf Digest magazine calls the private championship 16-hole golf course at Crescent Springs Village ‘one of the best in Henderson County.’ And it was designed by the one and only Lou Bannister. Does it get any better than that?” DAVE: “Crescent Springs Valley really does have it all. Visit the website below for more information.” (www.cbs.com/lateshow/crescentsprings/promotionaloffer)
“Just enter the keyword ‘DAVE’ to begin building a wonderful future for you and your family . . . just like I did.”
FREEZE; Logo flies in. ALAN V.O.: “Crescent Springs Village --- Paradise is waiting!”
We come back to find Dave at the desk for the Top Ten list. TOP TEN: Signs A Referee Is Fixing Games. 10. He leads the league in blocked shots. 2. Miami Heat hasn’t lost a game since Shaq promised to help the referee’s fat son
ACT 3 PAUL RUDD: You make have seen Paul in the big summer surprise hit, Knocked Up. Leading up to doing Knocked Up, Paul kept a list of everything that annoyed his wife so he could perhaps use it in the film. He found the list to be much longer than he expected. His wife never failed to remind him of such things. Even last night. Paul had said to his wife, “I‘ve got to hang up this suit because I’m going to wear it on Letterman tomorrow.” His wife countered, “Well, could you do Letterman every day!”
Paul grew up in Kansas in Overland Park. Was there much to do there in the summer? Paul says there never was much to do in Overland Park. He only remembers microwaving pizzas and watching Petticoat Junction in the basement. Ever get in trouble? Not much, but he did once throw some roman candles down the sewer. No one showed up, though.
One summer Paul really got into the 50s music phase and fashion. He wore pants with pleats in the back. He’d cruise around listening to the soundtrack of American Graffiti. He got teased a little bit but he was in such denial. Paul thought the other kids were just in denial. They only wished they could be as cool as him.
I remember one summer of listening to nothing but American Graffiti. At night, a bunch of us would hang out at a gas station. The gas station would be closed but they had a soda machine that if you pressed two buttons at once, you would get two sodas. Once in a while we would get three at once. Five of us would end up drinking a six-pack of soda each on the cheap. We called ourselves “The Bottlenecks.” We were really goofy, and we knew we were goofy. That’s what was so good about the neighborhood. Cool was for school. Goofy was for the neighborhood. Eventually we introduced goofy to school and goofy was then cool. Or at least we thought so.
Paul Rudd’s new film, The Ten, opens August 3rd in selected cities. It is 10 shorts stories loosely based on the Ten Commandments. It looks goofy and cool.
ACT 4
Well, Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick finds himself in some trouble. That’s the topic of tonight’s, “ALAN KALTER’S WACKY WORLD OF SPORTS.” ALAN: “Thanks, DL. Quarterback Michael Vick has been indicted for hosting dog fights in his backyard. Guess this gives new meaning to the expression, ‘Don’t take the underdog.’ (rim shot) I know Vick felt his offensive coordinator kept him on a short leash, but this is ridiculous! (rim shot) DAVE: “Uhhh, Alan . . . . that’s just awful. . . .” ALAN: “You think I wanted to host “Alan Kalter’s Wacky World of Sports’? Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to play sports, because I had to help out at mom’s candle store. (rim shot) Hey, no rim shot! That’s not a joke! I don’t give a crap about athletics, but I have to host the ‘Wacky World of Sports!’ because Jim Lampley and Bob Costas said ‘No.’ Screw this!”
Alan knocks over his podium and storms off. ALAN: “Find yourself another sucker, tramp!”
ACT 5
“It’s time for the ‘Tony Mendez Show Spotlight.’ Log on today and hear ‘Tony’s Bonus Behind-The-Scenes Commentary on a Recent Comedy Shoot.’ Just log on to www.cbs.com/lateshow. You won’t wanna miss it! We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6 TONY DUNGY: Head coach of the Super Bowl champion Indianapolis Colts and the author of his memoir, “Quiet Strength.” Coach Dungy shows off his Super Bowl rings, at Dave’s urging, one as a coach of the Colts and as a player with the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Tony says he once lived in Overland, Kansas, the same town Paul Rudd grew up, and now understands what happened to his sewer grate (fireworks reference).
Dave wants to know what the upcoming football season holds; what to expect from his hometown Colts; and how will the team fill the holes left by leaving players on defense? And then the two relived the comeback playoff win vs. the New England Patriots (32 points in the second half) and the Super Bowl win vs. the Chicago Bears.
What I didn’t know about Tony Dungy was his accomplished career as a 4-year starting quarterback with the University of Minnesota Gophers. I did a quick Google check on the Wikipedia:
“Dungy was recruited by University of Minnesota and played for the Golden Gophers from 1973 to 1976. He entered the starting lineup as a quarterback during his freshman year and after playing for four years finished as Minnesota's career leader in pass attempts (576), completions (274), touchdown passes (25), and passing yards (3,577).”
And then I read in Wikipedia:
Dungy is the only NFL player since the AFL-NFL merger to intercept a pass and throw an interception in the same game. Dungy was the emergency quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers in a 1977 game against the Baltimore Colts when both Terry Bradshaw and Mike Kruczek went down with injuries on October 30, 1977. He played safety on defense.
Dungy’s Colts start camp this week. Dave offers this bit of football advice: Make pretty boy Peyton Manning run laps whenever the chance arises. The extra work will do him good.
ACT 7
Before the music, Dave shows off the Super Bowl trophy. Dave finds the perfect place for it on the shelf behind the desk. I don’t think Coach Dungy is getting it back.
THE NATIONAL: From their album, “Boxer,” The National performed “Fake Empire.”
And that was our show for Tuesday July 24, 2007.
Went on a canoe trip this weekend down the Delaware River. After the trip back at the camp, it’s time to relax with drinks. Lots of beer; I had my Gin Collins. Pina Coladas were flowing. But how to make Pina Coladas without an electric blender or an electric hookup? One guy had a blender powered by what looked like a motor from a weedwacker. A couple pulls on the cord revved up the motor. And to increase the speed of the blender, he would turn the motorcycle-like handlebar accelerator. Very cool, and I don’t when I had a better Colada. Ahh, the things you can learn when you go back to nature on a canoe trip.
And now a coincidence that will only interest me. I’m driving to work Tuesday morning listening to Sam Greenfield on Air America. A caller is describing something and Greenfield responds with humor, “It sounds like my wedding vows.” The caller responded to the line as if it were much funnier than it was. I sighed and immediately turned the station. And then on my way home, I hope in the car and turn on Air America. It’s a replay of Greenfield’s morning show. The first thing I hear is “it sounds like my wedding vows.” Gee whiz, how about that?
Yeah, I really got nothing today.
Yesterday I mentioned that I was surprised to learn that you could go up into the St. Louis Gateway Arch. I never knew that.
From Paul Nager of Bridgeport, Connecticut:
”Yes, you can go up in the St. Louis Gateway Arch. Yes, there are windows on each side to view (mostly) down into downtown St. Louis or the Mississippi River. But the windows are small and not easily seen in a casual view of the Arch, so don't feel too bad about not noticing them.
The Arch is 630 feet high.”
From Suzan C. of Oglesby, Illinois:
”Yes, you can go up the St. Louis Arch in tiny little capsules that seat 4 0r 5 on little stools. It is a jerky ride because the capsule is constantly righted itself to stay upright. The view of the city is fantastic and worth the ride up. If you are ever in St. Louis, be sure to go up and also to visit the museum in the base.
From Paul Pacholski of Chicago:
”Yes you can go up in the arch and it is pretty cool. You get into these little egg shaped pods that hold six and they ratchet their way up. Going up a little then over then up then over...you get the picture. On top there is a narrow room with small airplane type windows with a great view. You can feel it swaying in the wind as well so it feels a little like you’re on a boat if it is a windy day. There is also a very good museum on westward expansion underneath. All in all it is something to see. You might not think so from pictures but when you see it live and can really get a feel for the scale and simplistic beauty of it. It will surpass your expectations.”
Al Page:
“It's actually quite cool. I went there in 2002. You should check out the site...something to do around 5 PM tonight...the elevator ‘pods’ that you go up in are innovative. The arch actually sways in the wind and the National Park Ranger that was up there said that some people get seasick.
“Yes, there are windows on top of the Arch! You have to squish into a car that starts off going vertically and ends nearly horizontal. I went 19 years ago, and Marie Osmond also happened to be visiting there at the same time!”
Marie Osmond! Wow, Don! Some people have all the luck!
So you can go up into the St. Louis Gateway Arch. Who knew?
Does anyone else have a thrilling story about the St. Louis Gateway Arch?
And Monday, I received some of the saddest news I’ve heard in quite a while. I was sent this message:
“Sources say ‘The World's Only Reliable Newspaper is shutting down.
Weekly World News will be closing its paper and web editions. So long,
Bat Boy.”
Say it ain’t so. The Weekly World News has long been a favorite read of mine. I would buy it for my lunchtime enjoyment while on the police department. While hanging up my gear, other officers would grab the paper and mock me for buying such a rag. They’d leaf through it for the entire break, laughing on every page at the outrageous articles. After the hour, they’d get up and shake their head, still not understanding why I would waste my money on such garbage. I would point out that they were just entertained with lots of laughs for the past hour, all for only a buck. Most were unconvinced, but they would again bogart my Weekly World the next week and the week after that. Hopefully the demise of the Weekly World News is just an exaggeration.
And now, even more useless information from “The Ultimate Book of Useless Information” by Neil Botham & The Useless Information Society.
- Rembrandt’s last name was van Ryn.
- Gambrinous is a word meaning “being full of beer”
- Author Lewis Carroll combined the words “chuckle” and “snort” to come up with the word “chortle” in “Through the Looking Glass.”
- Transurphobia is the fear of haircuts
- pasta vermicelli means “little worms”
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Floral Park, New York, by way of the Bronx, it’s Martin J. McDonough
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Lindsay Lohan DUI Card • Starbucks Coffee Announcement • Oldest Baseball Player, Rollie Stiles • Why We Love Bear Grylls • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Dave's Condo Pitch • Top Ten Signs a Referee Is Fixing Games Read now
