". . . . and now, a man who can have your glasses ready in about an hour . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1
Dave is still upset over the Bear Grylls guy who has been faking it, allegedly, on Discovery Channel's "Man vs. Wild." In the show, Bear gets dumped in the middle of nowhere, usually by parachute, and then has to survive on his own with no one around for hundreds of miles . . . . . except for the film crew and audio guys and director and production assistants and the caterer. Dave loves the show. Whenever it looks like Bear is about to be bested by nature, when he can't go on another step, Dave yells out at the TV, "Bear! Follow the crew back to the van!" I have to admit I found myself watching "Man vs. Wild" last week. It was the episode where he had no water so he ended up drinking his pee. Now I guess I would do that if I had to, so I didn't blame Bear for doing that, but for TV? I think I would have asked for some Aquafina from the faucet first before drinking my own pee. But if it really came to that, I guess I would rather drink my own pee than anybody else's.

Here's a Wahoo poser: "If you had to drink pee other than your own, whose would you want to drink?"
I think I'd probably go with the urine of a diabetic.
Dave goes on about "Man vs. Wild." He likes how Bear Grylls will catch and eat a frog or a snake or a rabbit. Dave saw him ice fish and eat a fish like a corn on the cob right out of the water. The fish was still wiggling. It was crazy. And now Dave has learned that Bear Grylls has been staying at the Hilton.

We then hear some "Old Turkey Buzzard" - ahh, the lovely singing of Jose Feliciano.

The NBA has been hit with a major scandal . . . . Uhhh, well, watch!

"NBA ref Tim Donaghy has been suspended in light of accusations that he bet on games he was officiating. Indeed, there are several irregularities, such as:
-a suspicious number of technicals,
-a disproportionate amount of fouls called on one team
-and most troubling, in one game Donaghy officiated, the Knicks won."
The NBA: Know When To Fold 'em"

Dave complains about his pants; "Either a zipper will break or an internal organ." He twists and turns in an attempt to get comfortable.

Last Monday, astronauts on the International Space Station got rid of several thousand pounds of junk. NASA released this computer simulation of how the junk was gotten rid of. We see the earth. We see the moon. We see the International Space Station. We see a hunk of junk released by the International Space Station. It floats through space and then is sucked in by the moon's gravitational pull. The moon explodes. Dave explains for those who could not follow: "See, it blew up the moon."

And here is the same joke in a different version. We see the International Space Station floating through space. After a moment, we hear the familiar them from "Sanford & Son" just as an old red pickup truck floats towards the Space Station. "Sandford & Son Salvage" is printed on the side of the truck. The Space Station dumps a big piece of metal into the back of the truck. The truck drives off.
Space junk

GREAT MOMENT IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: "I...Uhhh uhhh...as I told you last November right about this time...I...uhhhh...Uhhh....I was...uhhhh."

ACT 2
LATE SHOW FUN FACTS
-a snail can sleep for three years
-the first baseball caps were made of straw
-every United States President with a beard has been a Republican
-Ruth Bader Ginsburg often calls Judge Judy for tips on how to be more sassy in the courtroom
-In Pakistan, the third Tuesday in January is "Take Your Mullah To Work Day"
-Until last year, National Hockey League game that ended in a tie were settled by the Vice President
-Levi-Strauss lost millions when they marketed a line of blue jeans for horses
-At 5 feet, 9.2 inches, Tim Felder of Provo, Utah holds the Guinness Record for the most average height
-Because of his name, Alexander the Great believed he'd grow up to be a magician
-Prior to the discovery of Penicillin in 1928, laughter WAS the best medicine
-Starting in 2008, E-Z Pass sensors will also provide dental x-rays
-The Army Corps of Engineers has spent millions of dollars trying to cross a bridge before they come to it

Dave folds up this joke and addresses it. He calls over to our executive producer, "Get that to Steven Wright."

-Better pack that umbrella. Mr. G is predicting late day showers
-At the height of "Star Wars" mania, Jimmy Carter gave an oval office address in a Chewbacca costume
-In 1909, Robert Peary became the first explorer to take a leak at the North Pole
-There is no "I" in "steam"
-The original plans for the Statue of Liberty called for the statue to wave but France did not want to spend the money
-In order to become licensed, a courtroom sketch artist must demonstrate the ability to make defendants look 'shifty'
-A strict vegan will not indicate nonsense by using the word 'baloney'
-FBMI restrooms are for employees only
-Bill Clinton is the only president to have received a lap dance at his inauguration
-Until 1955, traffic signals also included a purple light which meant "up to you"
-The National Weather Service has three employees who do nothing but watch for clouds that look like animals
-Within seven seconds of meeting a man, women subconsciously judge whether they'll ever sleep with him. That time is reduced to less than a second if he's wearing a sweater vest.
-Leonardo da Vince drew up plans for the first novelty set of chattering teeth
-According to conspiracy theorists, there is significant evidence that 'Cheers' was not filmed before a LIVE studio audience
-You are more likely to be charged by a rhino than to be pulled over for not wearing your seatbelt
-During the great powdered cheese shortage of '65, school children ate macaroni and hummus
-When asked about his hair, Donald Trump once admitted that as a teenager he was bitten by a radioactive muskrat

During the commercial break, Felicia Collins sang Godspell's "Day by Day." Very nice.

ACT 3
About "Man vs. Wild" Dave explains, "The program does NOT claim to be a program of unaided survival." Dave is fine with the fact that Bear Grylls may have gone back to a hotel after taping . . . they should have just told us.
And then Dave did something with a canteen. Something about it helping to keep him warm

ANNE HATHAWAY: Hey, she's in the 'Princess Diary' movies! My girls have seen those a number of times. Anne has also been in the film with Meryl Streep, "The Devil Wears Prada." She now stars in the film, "Becoming Jane." The song from the band: the Rolling Stones "Lady Jane" - 1966. 1966 . . . over 40 years ago. Excuse me while I weep.
Anne lives right here in New York City and actually likes it when the weather is bad. If fun to share the misery of sharing a subway ride with a bunch of wet strangers. It's communal pain.
You never know what you'll see in New York. Anne was walking through Central Park coming back from looking for a book and came across a naked marathon. Not really a totally naked marathon, but the runners were clad only in bras and shorts and undergarments like that. The front of the pack of runners were impressively put together, but when it came to the stragglers in the back, the sight wasn't nearly as nice. It was obvious they weren't in shape. Plus the naked marathon was sponsored by a Mexican restaurant. Mexican food and running naked doesn't really mix.
Anne's new film about Jane Austen, entitled "Becoming Jane" opens August 3rd in selected cities. It was shot in Ireland and the weather was horrendous. What to do? Drink. I laughed. When people complain about rain on their vacation, I always say "Well, it never rains in a bar." Which isn't quite true. I was in a bar in Ireland that was so run down that rain did come through the ceiling. In one scene in "Becoming Jane," she had to look much older than she was. Makeup only helped so much, so she decided that a hangover would do the trick. Yeah, hangovers not only make you look old, they make you crotchety.

ACT 5
Announce: "While taping 'Man vs. Wild' survivalist Bear Grylls allegedly prefers to stay at Sheraton Hotels and Resorts located throughout the world. Sheraton: Belong. We'll be right back, grandma."

ACT 6
Dave speaks highly of Anne Hathaway. He then laments over his own appearance, commenting on the trouble he is having with pants: "I know I'm old, and now she knows I'm a fat bloated pig who needs to go home." And Ms. Hathaway smelled delightful.

JIM GAFFIGAN
How's his summer? It's great, "you can tell by me tan." Jim says, "I'm even too white to be a Mormon." My favorite joke to use at the beach: See a friend who is out of a shirt and bare-chested for the first time all summer, "Hey, Howie, why don't you take off your t-shirt?"
Jim says he has been trying to get into shape this summer, but it's hard to find the time to exercise when you really don't want to. He's gone out and bought some workout clothes, and he's discovered they are very comfortable to watch TV in.
In Jim's defense, he is a busy guy. Being on such a hectic schedule has made him really appreciate doing nothing. That's why he likes rainy days so much. It forces you to stay inside and do nothing. And that's why I like to go to the beach. Someone will ask on Monday, "What did you do this weekend?" If you say, "Sat around and did nothing" people will think you wasted a weekend. But say, "I went to the beach" they'll think you really did something great. But what do you do at the beach? Sit around and do nothing.
Does Jim travel much? Not really. He likes staying inside. But he did travel to France recently and though the kids were geniuses. They all knew French. Even the little kids!
While on the road, Jim likes to go to Waffle Houses, which are not the best-kept places in America. He says, "Here's something you'll never hear at a Waffle House: 'Nice job cleaning up.'" Never been to a Waffle House? Imagine a gas station restroom that serves waffles. Even the sign out front looks kind of like a ransom note. There's always a missing letter or a letter burned or one of the letters handing by a lone nail. In spite of it all, it sounds like a fun hobby going to a Waffle House.
The second season of "My Boys" begins this Monday on the TBS. I like Jim Gaffigan. He always makes me laugh.

Going into the break, Paul and the band play "Gimme Shelter" by the Rolling Stones. - 1969 - one of my favorite songs all time.

ACT 7
BUFFALO TOM: From their new CD, "Three Easy Pieces," Buffalo Tom performed "September Shirt."

And that was our show for Friday, July 27, 2007.



Did you hear or read Michael Vick's statement at the courthouse the other day, given by his attorney. Something didn't make sense to me, and then I heard an ESPN radio guy say the same thing I was thinking. The attorney said he was reading a statement from Michael Vick. The statement is in Michael Vick's own words. The statement included the line:
"I also want to apologize to my Falcons teammates for not being with them at the beginning of spring training."
Spring training? Spring training is baseball. Football players don't call it "spring training." To the surprise of no one, the "statement from Michael Vick" I doubt came from Michael Vick.

Drinking at NASA. My laugh-out-loud moment today was how the Channel 7 ABC noon time news teased this story with "Sauced In Space."

Why was I watching the ABC news and not the CBS news? The ABC news follows "The View" and I didn't get around to changing the channel. And now that ABC has gotten rid of Bartelstein, there's really no reason to stay with them.

I'm a bit disappointed in the CW11 Morning News show this week. It wasn't all that much fun. It may be my imagination but they seem to be playing it more straight than they have been. No silly mistakes, no immature foolishness. They seemed more professional this week. I don't like that. I want amateurishness on the CW11 Morning News. "It can't be Canada . . . Canada isn't a country." I swear I heard one of them say that a few weeks ago but I can't find confirmation anywhere.

"Aquafina"? More like "Aquafaucet"!

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn't.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Smithtown, Long Island, it's Kathy Quinn.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER