" . . . . and now, the only collection of disco hits you'll ever need . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1
Dave laments, "I got a hold of something and it won't leave me alone." He had one of those protein shakes that comes back to "say hello to me every few seconds." It a shake made of fruit and a cup-and-a-half of paint.

There's some interesting news about Jenna Bush that's been revealed. We take a look.
Announce:

(various shots of the White House) "Jenna Bush recently told 'Texas Monthly' that she has heard ghosts while in the White House. Could there really be an evil, ghostly, undead creature wandering the halls of the White House? You betcha. (cut to shot of Dick Cheney) Dick Cheney: Locked and Loaded."

A new government report has compiled a list of the most depressing jobs in America. We have a summary of the results here:
(HEY! Wait for the joke!)
Shot of hospital orderly - "Personal care worker"
Shot of fast food worker - "Food preparer"
Shot of receptionist - "Late Show Receptionist"
Shot of researcher - "Late Show Researcher"
More shots of office workers, with the caption:
"Late Show Audience Coordinator"
"Late Show Production Manager"
"Late Show Segment Producer"
"Late Show Art Director"
"Late Show Videotape Editor"
"Late Show Intern"
"Late Show Talent Coordinator"
"Late Show Graphics Artist"

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
I don't know. Something about reading a book.

ACT 2

Dear Mr. Letterman,
Enclosed is the latest batch of Fun Facts compiled by the FBMI for you and your viewers. I hope you enjoy them.
I wish to apologize to any viewers who were confused about a recent announcement on the FBMI website. Unfortunately, the free flu shots are for FBMI staffers only. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Sincerely,
Gary Sherman.
FBMI - Federal Bureau of Miscellaneous Information

ACT 3
AMANDA PEET
Amanda is a mom of an 8 month old baby girl. Ahhh, coming to the Late Show must be like a vacation! Is baby a good sleeper? She gets about 11 hours. Amanda and husband attempted the Ferber method of getting their child to sleep. I'm familiar with this and for Denise and me it worked like a charm, but it is a bit nerve wracking. How it works is when it's time for baby to go to bed, you put the baby down in the crib. You let the baby cry for 5 minutes. You then go in and calm the child without touching him or her. You can speak softly to her, but you cannot touch; you cannot pick up. When baby is quieted after a few minutes, you leave. If baby starts crying again, you let her cry for 7 or 8 minutes, then repeat the above. Do it again and then you let baby cry for 10 minutes. You keep increasing the time away until the baby sleeps. For us, by the third night our twin girls were sleeping throughout the night. But it is agonizing to sit outside their bedroom door listening them cry. It's tough.
Does Amanda sing to her daughter to try to get her to sleep? She doesn't. Dave used to sing to Harry, until one night when Dave said, "OK, Harry, now it's time for a song . . ." and Harry responded, "No song, daddy."
Having a first child is very difficult on a parent. As Dave says, "You make a lot of rookie mistakes."

Amanda's new film, "Martian Child" is summarized on IMBd: "Crushed by the death of his fiancée, a writer (John Cusack) adopts a 6-year-old boy in an effort to create a family. The boy, who desperately wants a father, is troubled by the idea that he's from Mars."
We see a clip. Uh oh, it's the wrong clip. It's not from the film, "Martian Child." It's from "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" (1964). I once had that comic book.
We then see the actual clip. The film opens November 2nd.

ACT 4
WILL IT FLOAT: Tonight's item: Bongos
Well that seems kind of easy. Last week we had a problem of an item that would obviously sink (chain saw). This week, it seems obvious the other way. Bongos are made of wood and some kind of animal skin.
Dave says float.
Paul says float.
The Late Show models drop the bongos into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . . FLOATS!

ACT 5
Announce:

"Time to announce the 'Late Show's Person of the Week.'
For all he does for this fine city, the Late Show would like to give its Person of the Week Award to Mayor Michael Bloomberger. Way to go, Mayor. Thanks for giving New York City that Bloomberger feel.
This has been the 'Late Show Person of the Week.'
We'll be right back."

ACT 7
JEFF CALDWELL: the standup comedian has a new CD, "I'm No Epidemiologist."
Topics covered:
-pepper spray
-cyber terrorism
-retirement
-HMOs
-AMA logo
-Cheney
-Mice
-The juicer
-Beer
-Yogurt
-Birth control
Favorite line: "I don't like going to doctors, so I joined an HMO because they don't like me going to doctors either."

And that was our show for Friday, October 19, 2007.



My new gripe. Have you seen those Coors commercials that take place at an NFL press conference with an NFL coach at the podium? Three or so all-important 18-25 year olds are asking the coach scripted questions which are "answered" by the coach, when the coach was actually answering from a real press conference from another time. My gripe: the way the all-important 18-25 years olds are holding their can of Coors Lights. I know the Coors people do not want to cover the Coors logo on the can, but the kids are holding the can by the bottom 16th of the can. No one holds a can of beer like that. If they are lying about how someone holds a can of beer, could they be lying about their beer too?

We prepared a top ten tonight but never got to it. It had to do with sleeping. I've discovered something about sleeping lately. A year ago, I would wake at 6:50 AM to enjoy some quiet time with my paper and coffee, and to work on this nonsense, before my girls would get up for school. The girls would get up about an hour later and I would help them get ready for their day. I would get 6-and-a-half hours of sleep a night, waking without the need of an alarm clock. I felt I was getting more than enough sleep.
This year my girls get on the bus at 6:55 AM for school. Now I'm getting up an hour earlier than last year. But I'm getting more sleep. I find myself going to bed by 10:00. I'm getting close to 8 hours of sleep but I'm exhausted all day. I wonder if it's not the amount of sleep you get that's important, but the hour you get up. Does the hour you wake coincide with your body clock? My body seems ready to get up at 6:50 AM no matter what time I go to bed. Getting up at 5:50 AM leaves me exhausted no matter how much sleep I get.

One more thing about the Yankees and Joe Torre. Joe should have wanted to manage the Yankees, and I think he did. The Yankees should have wanted to keep Joe Torre to manage the Yankees, and I think they didn't. The Yankee management did not want Joe Torre back, which I think was dumb. They wrote up a contract they felt Joe would turn down. They should have kept him just to avoid the chaos that is always just around the corner in any Yankee clubhouse. Here I go again, but next year is very important. You want the final year at Yankee Stadium to be all about baseball, nostalgia, and Yankee history. But now management has thrown in the unknown. If the Yankees go sour during next year's regular season, something that hasn't happened to them since the early 90s --- and they are due for a collapse one of these years --- there will be so much bickering and finger-pointing and backlash it'll be a catastrophe. Next year could be a disaster on 161st Street in the Bronx.
For years I've hoped for two things from the Yankees: either a World Series, or a complete collapse and extreme panic and paranoia from the GM down to the batboy. That could be fun. But I didn't want it for 2008. I wanted the Stadium to go out with some dignity.
And if this Joe Torre thing is completely dead, I'm hoping for Larry Bowa to be manager.

By the way, this was my favorite Yankee season in years. Games in July and August and September meant something.

I'm listening to the Joe Torre press conference right now. He didn't like the terms of the proposed contract. The contract included monetary incentives for getting to the playoffs, with added incentives for each progression through the playoffs. He felt he didn't need incentives. His record and his character should have spoke loudly enough that he didn't need monetary incentives. I think he found it insulting. If I was the screenwriter for this scenario, I would have Joe accepting the basic contract and his telling management to shove their incentives. "I don't need no stinking incentives" Joe would snarl, as he crossed out the paragraph and signed the contract, throwing it in the owner's face.
HEY! I'm listening to the Joe Torre press conference right now and Joe just said he found the "incentives" to be an insult. DING!

The Fogerty show is being repeated on Monday. All you who cried when you missed it the first time, Monday's your chance to see it.

WAHOO PHILOSOPHY CORNER
Tonight's featured Philosopher: Plato
-"The most virtuous are those who content themselves with being virtuous without seeking to appear so."
-"Then not only an old man, but also a drunkard, becomes a second time a child."
- "There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot."
-"Only the dead have seen the end of the war."

Happy birthday, Mickey Mantle.

MONDAY: from October 2; #2823 - Jude Law, Sarah Silverman, and John Fogerty.
TUESDAY: from September 24; #2817 - Jamie Foxx; Jimmy Smits; and Will.I.Am. Plus, Jon Coombs puts rubberbands on his face; and Dave fixes the Top Ten machine.
WEDNESDAY: from October 1: #2822 - Sean Penn; Barry Sonnenfeld; and Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals.
THURSDAY: from October 3; #2824 - Alec Baldwin; and Faith Hill. Plus, interns parallel parking on 53rd Street.
FRIDAY: from October 11; #2830 - Anne Heche; Sue Johanson, and Mariza. Plus, Dave looks for his blue card, and Dave's Condo plug.

Check the Wahoo archives and make your plans accordingly.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
He's 88 years old and has been taping Mr. Letterman for 23 years, from Medina, Tennessee, it's Joel Bradbury.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER