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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
And that was our show for . . . . uhhh, never mind.
What’s the word on the picket line? Check out what the Late Show writers are saying on their new website, www.LateShowWritersOnStrike.com
It’s no Wahoo, but it is informative and entertaining. Like I said, it’s no Wahoo.
Remember, you can’t spell “armpit” without AMPTP. The last P is for “parsimonious”.
Did you watch the Oprah show last week, the one where she announces her favorite things? The best part is the studio audience for this show gets a whole lot of presents. I am amazed at their reaction each time Oprah announces, “And everyone in our studio audience will be going home with one of these!” The crowd goes wild, absolutely wild. Last week, Oprah “gave” away new refrigerators. The refrigerator came with a TV right there on the door. I couldn’t help but think: Is that something you want when you are trying to lose weight?” All day long you’re staring at your refrigerator. Imagine what that’s going to do with your diet.
And when Oprah said everyone in the audience would be getting the refrigerator, the audience reacted as if they saw Jesus. Some were crying. The ecstatic screaming lasted for a full minute. And this got me to thinking, “What if these people actually did see Jesus?” How would they react? They couldn’t react more excited than they did for the refrigerator. They were already on “ultimate.” They couldn’t go any further. They couldn’t go any higher. My guess is for some, a refrigerator with a TV in the door is just as exciting as meeting Jesus.
I am old. I am an old New York Giants football fan and it became very clear to me this past Sunday. The New York football Giants had a real clunker of a game on Sunday against the Minnesota Vikings. QB Eli Manning threw 4 interceptions, 3 of which were returned for touchdowns. Late in the game when the outcome was already determined, #10 Eli Manning scrambled on a 4th and long. He dropped back, scrambled 10 yards back, then 15 yards, and then 20 yards deep. Seeing his blue jersey #10 scrambling like that and going deeper and deeper, immediately . . . IMMEDIATELY . . . . made me think of Giants scrambling quarterback Fran Tarkenton of the late 60s (1967-1971). Fran was a renowned scrambler for the Giants, and he had to be. It was the only way he could survive on those teams. He would scramble all over the field as the fat linemen would give chase. Linemen back in those days were not the athletes they are today and their pursuit would last for as long Tarkenton deemed it necessary. It was great football theater. Seeing Eli scrambling like that made me think of Fran Tarkenton. Unfortunately, Eli Manning is not the scrambler Tarkenton was and he ended up tripping over his own feet. But for that one fleeting moment, Fran Tarkenton had returned to the Giants. And I’m sure Minnesota Viking fans thought the same, since Tarkenton led their team for two stints back in those bellbottom days. (1961-1966; 1972-1978)
Did you watch the Steelers/Dolphins game last night? It was raining so hard in Pittsburgh that the lines on the field were washed out. The game was played on a green grass field with no line markings. The only way I had any idea what yard line the ball was on was by the Steelers logo at midfield. And this is what came to my mind while watching this undefined game without lines:
ESPN loves unnecessary and useless graphics to splash over the game on TV while the fan at home is trying to watch, so why couldn’t they use a graphic that could serve? Why couldn’t they put in the corner of the screen a small graphic which reads: “Ball on 42 yd. line.” It would have helped the fan a lot.
That’s what I would have done if I ruled the world.
Tuesday’s Previously Viewed Program From March 28, 2007; #2725 – Al Franken; Isla Fisher; and exotic food expert Arnold Sinclair.
Wednesday’s Previously Viewed Program From April 12, 2007; #2731 – Bruce Willis; magician Jason Randall; and it’s Dave’s 60th birthday!
Wahoo Philosophy Corner: VOLTAIRE
- I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
- Work saves us from three great evils: boredom, vice and need.
- The man who leaves money to charity in his will is only giving away what no longer belongs to him.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER George Meany
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Here now is the Wahoo Gazette for Tuesday’s previously viewed program.
Original Air Date: 3/28/07
Al Franken; Isla Fisher; and Arnold Sinclair.
PLUS: Iran Crisis Update; an Announcement from Burger King; the New Stamp; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and a Top Ten List.
“. . . and now, leather-lunged drill sergeant. . . . . David Letterman!”
Uh oh, problems with my AOL password again. Says it’s invalid. I think this happened once before. What does this mean? Well, it means I couldn’t do my Wednesday Wahoo from home Wednesday night and/or Thursday morning. Therefore, this will be rushed and short. (fill in the blank)
ACT 1: IRAN CRISIS UPDATE: The situation with Iran seems to be getting worse, with the nuclear issue and now the incident involving the captured British sailors. That’s why tonight we have a new segment called, “Iran Crisis Update.”
We see graphics: “Iran Crisis Update” – we hear ominous music from Paul. We see more graphics. And that’s it. Dave explains, “That’s all we have so far.”
Burger King made a bold announcement yesterday which was greeted warmly by the Humane Society. We take a look at that announcement. Announcer: “Burger King is pleased to announce an historic advance in how we do business. Effective immediately, we will begin buying our meat from suppliers that do not confine their animals in cages and crates. From now on, each time you bite into one of our delicious sandwiches, you can take comfort knowing the animal experienced freedom . . . . before being branded, force-fed, drugged, stunned, skinned, boned, bled, beheaded, gutted, hacked up and tossed into a vat of scalding hot oil.
Burger King. Have it your way!”
The United States Postal Service has released a “Forever Stamp” which can be used to mail a First Class letter regardless of rate changes. Before you think they’re making things easy, take a look at the stamp.
Dave holds up a huge Liberty Bell forever stamp, measuring about 3 feet by 3 feet.
“Boing” sound effect; freeze; announce:
“Holy Crap! Look at the size of that bad boy. You couldn’t use that stamp on a letter even it you wanted to. It’s completely impractical! I guess that’s what makes it so ‘givl’ing funny. You gotta warn me before you pull out the top shelf jokes like that.
Back to you, underpants!”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: “All he talks about is Gator football.” He then makes a chomping motion with his arms.
ACT 2: ARNOLD SINCLAIR: He’s an exotic food expert and a culinary scholar. He’s prepared a few dishes for Dave to sample; food not normally found on an American’s dinner table. On the menu tonight:
- Poached brain of raccoon
- Chocolate covered grasshoppers
- Iguana meatballs
- Snake livers
- Panda nuggets
On the table we see the spectacular array of food. Arnold first became interested in exotic foods a few years ago when he went hiking with friends and he got lost. For an entire week he existed on nothing buy plants, insects, and turtles. Arnold describes what he has prepared on the table. And where can you get these delicacies? Says Arnold, “A wholesaler.”
Arnold and Dave sample the dishes. The raccoon tastes a bit bitter at first, but it actually quite good. The chocolate covered grasshopper is more of a candied lollipop and though difficult to chew, looks to be a sweet taste the kids would like. The iguana meatballs are hot and spicy and a favorite of Arnold’s. Lauds Arnold, “Try one of these and you’ll never want Swedish meatballs again. Arnold pops one into his mouth. Dave is about to try his when he notices Arnold to be in a bit of trouble. Arnold gives the universal sign of “HEY, DUMB ASS, I’M CHOKING HERE!” It takes a little while for Dave to realize what is happening. Arnold continues to grab at his throat begging for help. He squeezes out, “Heimlich me, you idiot! Heimlich me!” Arnold loses his balance and knocks over the display table. Still clutching his throat and still not receiving any help from Dave, Arnold runs out through the back of the theater to St. Luke’s on 9th. Back to Dave, who seems more concerned with the mess on the floor of the stage.
Walking back to his desk, Dave laments “You hate to see something like that happen.”
TOP TEN: Signs You’re Watching Too Much ‘American Idol.’ #10. At church confessional, you say, “Forgive me, dawg, for I have sinned.” #8. After sex you say to your wife in British accent, “Awful. Just pathetic.” #6. When “Idol” comes on, so do the adult diapers.
To read the rest of the Top Ten list, check out above or over there to the right and click on Top Ten.
Dave receives an update. He’s learned that Arnold Sinclair is OK.
ACT 3/4 AL FRANKEN: He’s announced his candidacy for the United States Senate from the State of Minnesota. The election is in November 2008.
Al talks about how the early stages of his campaign is going, (he announced 40 days ago), and Dave brings up the subject of taconite. It has something to do with iron mining. I believe it’s a low-grade iron ore. OK, OK, I cheated. I just looked it up. But Al was well aware of the taconite mining along Minnesota’s iron range and gave a brief description of the area and the importance of taconite.
With Al running for U.S. Senator, will he be allowed to still be funny? Al says the people of Minnesota understand his humor. Plus, he’s more of a satirist. “You,” he points out to Dave, “are more of a clown. I do satire.” Al is also quick to point out that being a clown is very important. Bringing laughter is a great gift. Al continues, “I do that too, but I also make people think.” He believes the fine people of Minnesota will get his cheeky brand of hyperbole.
What are the main points he wants to bring to the campaign?
- universal health care
- Iraq – we need to get out
- A new energy policy – we have to take advantage of what we have. The wind, for instance. It’s right there in front of us; we just have to take advantage of it. “And Minnesota has a lot of wind,” says Al. Dave plays the straight man and supplies Al with a feed: “And why is Minnesota so windy?” The set up was that of setting up an old joke, one that I was unfamiliar. I tried to think of the answer before Al gave the punch, but I couldn’t come up with one. Al shoots Dave a knowing look with a smirk. It looks as if he doesn’t want to give the punch line but the comedian in him, or the satirist, knows it’s something he must do. When someone places a lovely dinner in front of you, it would be impolite not to eat. So when Dave asked, “And why is Minnesota so windy?” Al answered a bit sheepishly and with apologies, “It’s because the Dakotas blow and Wisconsin sucks.” Al quickly follows this by saying he doesn’t know if that is true; but it’s just something he’s heard.
Back from commercial, we see photos from one of Al’s frequent trips to Afghanistan, Iraq, and Kuwait. He’s gone quite a few of these good will trips to visit the soldiers and was doing it long before it became “fashionable” and still does it now that it no longer is as “fashionable.” He has one photo of the Taliban Cheerleaders who perform for the soldiers. It’s not quite what the soldiers have in mind, but soon discover it’s hot American cheerleaders in tear-away burqas. Oh, that Al.
Al always has a lot of nice warm stories about the men and women of the armed forces he meets and he shared some of the rules suggested by the military when phoning home. Al points out that it’s understandable to know the stress the soldiers are under over there, but there is considerable stress and anxiety with their families back home. Some of the phone rules suggested:
- always start with “I love you.”
- Ask about how your loved ones are doing FIRST before you ask about how your car or boat or tractor is doing.
- Do not expect your family to understand all what you are going through
- Share a happy family memory with them and tell them you will be doing that again soon
- Always say “I love you” before hanging up.
Nice rules, and rules we could all use right here at home.
Al Franken – Running for United States Senator from Minnesota – November 2008.
ACT 5: Biff with Mr. Sinclair in the Green Room making sure he’s OK.
ACT 6/CLOSE ISLA FISHER: From the film, The Lookout – opening Friday. You may remember her from The Wedding Crashers as Vince Vaughn’s bipolar nymphomaniac girlfriend. Dave says he’s watched the film a number of times and always finds it enjoyable.
Isla grew up in western Australia in Perth, home of the highest percentage of serial killers per capita. Kudos to Isla for lowering that percentage. Isla got her start in show biz the standard way; youthful modeling, bit parts here and there, and commercials. From there she went on to soap operas, playing an anorexic, incest victim, homewrecking lesbian, and on another show she always wore a bikini. No matter what she was doing she was in a bikini.
And she’s engaged to that Borat guy, Sacha Baron Cohen. She says it was not easy being engaged to him during the shooting of his movie. Every day was, “So, anybody new wanting to sue us today? Did you get beat up? Did you roll around with a fat naked man?”
You can see Isla in The Lookout – opening this Friday.
And that was our show for Wednesday March 28, 2007.
Twas I who performed the announce for the giant forever stamp.
“Holy Crap! Look at the size of that bad boy. You couldn’t use that stamp on a letter even it you wanted to. It’s completely impractical! I guess that’s what makes it so ‘givl’ing funny. You gotta warn me before you pull out the top shelf jokes like that.
Back to you, underpants!”
This was done LIVE during the show. Initially it was to be voiced by Alan but during rehearsal, I filled in for him as he was called away. While many considered this rehearsal, I considered it an audition. You never know. And oft’ times, it’s decided just before the show that I will do the announce and not Alan. This is exciting but always makes me nervous. I would rather do it as a pre-tape in an announce booth so if there is a screw up I could simply do it over, but we usually like to do it LIVE. When I’m told it’s me to do an announce, I find the script and re-type it in large print and space out the lines. I find I can read better when the lettering is big and spaced. But usually when I do a read during rehearsal, it’s only for rehearsal. Alan gets to do it during the show. I’ll sometimes think I did a good job, but then when I hear Alan’s read there is no comparison. He’s the grandmaster. He’s the best. And truthfully, I have no place being an announcer of any kind. My voice is too pitchy.
I was doing some research for the show on New York Yankee history. I knew they had won 26 World Series Championships, the last one in 2000, but I wanted to see it for verification. I went to their website and was happy to see I was right, but was aghast to see they had not updated their Yankee History to include the 2006 season. Huh? C’mon, Yankees, we live in the internet age! Update the site. For those of you scoring at home . . . first of all congratulations . . . . For those of you scoring at home, you can mark that in your book, “E-Yankees.”
I was flipping the channels the other day and stopped on a kids’ news show put on by teens. One news item covered the problems of the Hutus’ and the Tutsis in Rwanda. I learned more from that 5-minute piece than I have in 15 years of trying to follow this. I guess I have a teenage mentality. Or maybe we ALL need a primer every now and then to what’s happening around us. I find it hard to follow what’s happening in certain parts of the Middle East. I’m on Chapter One when all the news is on Chapter 86. I can never catch up. If one of the networks put on a “catch-up” program, it would help a lot. Yes, pick a topic once a month and talk down to us as if we are in junior high school and help us slowly catch up. Start right from the beginning without going into too much detail. Give us an overview. Advertise the program in advance and have the viewers print out a map of what will be discussed. The map, of course, would be available on their website. This would help the home viewer follow along. FDR did this during his fireside chats. He told everyone to get a world map to follow along in his discussions. World Maps were sold out in no time. Could this work today? Who knows? Sadly, I think we have grown very comfortable in our ignorance even though it doesn’t stop us from spouting our opinions. But I’d watch it. I think many of us would learn a great deal and we wouldn’t sound so ignorant at our next cocktail party.
And that’s my tip for the network execs.
Oh, and the next time someone is adamantly preaching about the Iraq War, either for or against, ask them to explain the difference between a Shi’ite and a Sunni. It’s a pretty good measuring stick.
Just because I have the opportunity to write a blog on a website for a network program, don’t let that impress you. There’s a very good chance I have no idea what I’m talking about. And when I do throw too much nonsense out at you, let me know. Believe me, I’m just trying to fill up space here. Half the things I write is only half thought out, anyway.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, North America, Western Hemisphere, it’s longtime Wahoo reader, Denis Blanchet.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER.
And that was our show for . . . . uhhh, never mind.
What’s the word on the picket line? Check out what the Late Show writers are saying on their new website, www.LateShowWritersOnStrike.com
It’s no Wahoo, but it is informative and entertaining. Like I said, it’s no Wahoo.
Remember, you can’t spell “armpit” without AMPTP. The last P is for “parsimonious”.
Did you watch the Oprah show last week, the one where she announces her favorite things? The best part is the studio audience for this show gets a whole lot of presents. I am amazed at their reaction each time Oprah announces, “And everyone in our studio audience will be going home with one of these!” The crowd goes wild, absolutely wild. Last week, Oprah “gave” away new refrigerators. The refrigerator came with a TV right there on the door. I couldn’t help but think: Is that something you want when you are trying to lose weight?” All day long you’re staring at your refrigerator. Imagine what that’s going to do with your diet.
And when Oprah said everyone in the audience would be getting the refrigerator, the audience reacted as if they saw Jesus. Some were crying. The ecstatic screaming lasted for a full minute. And this got me to thinking, “What if these people actually did see Jesus?” How would they react? They couldn’t react more excited than they did for the refrigerator. They were already on “ultimate.” They couldn’t go any further. They couldn’t go any higher. My guess is for some, a refrigerator with a TV in the door is just as exciting as meeting Jesus.
I am old. I am an old New York Giants football fan and it became very clear to me this past Sunday. The New York football Giants had a real clunker of a game on Sunday against the Minnesota Vikings. QB Eli Manning threw 4 interceptions, 3 of which were returned for touchdowns. Late in the game when the outcome was already determined, #10 Eli Manning scrambled on a 4th and long. He dropped back, scrambled 10 yards back, then 15 yards, and then 20 yards deep. Seeing his blue jersey #10 scrambling like that and going deeper and deeper, immediately . . . IMMEDIATELY . . . . made me think of Giants scrambling quarterback Fran Tarkenton of the late 60s (1967-1971). Fran was a renowned scrambler for the Giants, and he had to be. It was the only way he could survive on those teams. He would scramble all over the field as the fat linemen would give chase. Linemen back in those days were not the athletes they are today and their pursuit would last for as long Tarkenton deemed it necessary. It was great football theater. Seeing Eli scrambling like that made me think of Fran Tarkenton. Unfortunately, Eli Manning is not the scrambler Tarkenton was and he ended up tripping over his own feet. But for that one fleeting moment, Fran Tarkenton had returned to the Giants. And I’m sure Minnesota Viking fans thought the same, since Tarkenton led their team for two stints back in those bellbottom days. (1961-1966; 1972-1978)
Did you watch the Steelers/Dolphins game last night? It was raining so hard in Pittsburgh that the lines on the field were washed out. The game was played on a green grass field with no line markings. The only way I had any idea what yard line the ball was on was by the Steelers logo at midfield. And this is what came to my mind while watching this undefined game without lines:
ESPN loves unnecessary and useless graphics to splash over the game on TV while the fan at home is trying to watch, so why couldn’t they use a graphic that could serve? Why couldn’t they put in the corner of the screen a small graphic which reads: “Ball on 42 yd. line.” It would have helped the fan a lot.
That’s what I would have done if I ruled the world.
Tuesday’s Previously Viewed Program From March 28, 2007; #2725 – Al Franken; Isla Fisher; and exotic food expert Arnold Sinclair.
Wednesday’s Previously Viewed Program From April 12, 2007; #2731 – Bruce Willis; magician Jason Randall; and it’s Dave’s 60th birthday!
Wahoo Philosophy Corner: VOLTAIRE
- I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
- Work saves us from three great evils: boredom, vice and need.
- The man who leaves money to charity in his will is only giving away what no longer belongs to him.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER George Meany
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Here now is the Wahoo Gazette for Tuesday’s previously viewed program.
Original Air Date: 3/28/07
Al Franken; Isla Fisher; and Arnold Sinclair.
PLUS: Iran Crisis Update; an Announcement from Burger King; the New Stamp; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and a Top Ten List.
“. . . and now, leather-lunged drill sergeant. . . . . David Letterman!”
Uh oh, problems with my AOL password again. Says it’s invalid. I think this happened once before. What does this mean? Well, it means I couldn’t do my Wednesday Wahoo from home Wednesday night and/or Thursday morning. Therefore, this will be rushed and short. (fill in the blank)
ACT 1: IRAN CRISIS UPDATE: The situation with Iran seems to be getting worse, with the nuclear issue and now the incident involving the captured British sailors. That’s why tonight we have a new segment called, “Iran Crisis Update.”
We see graphics: “Iran Crisis Update” – we hear ominous music from Paul. We see more graphics. And that’s it. Dave explains, “That’s all we have so far.”
Burger King made a bold announcement yesterday which was greeted warmly by the Humane Society. We take a look at that announcement. Announcer: “Burger King is pleased to announce an historic advance in how we do business. Effective immediately, we will begin buying our meat from suppliers that do not confine their animals in cages and crates. From now on, each time you bite into one of our delicious sandwiches, you can take comfort knowing the animal experienced freedom . . . . before being branded, force-fed, drugged, stunned, skinned, boned, bled, beheaded, gutted, hacked up and tossed into a vat of scalding hot oil.
Burger King. Have it your way!”
The United States Postal Service has released a “Forever Stamp” which can be used to mail a First Class letter regardless of rate changes. Before you think they’re making things easy, take a look at the stamp.
Dave holds up a huge Liberty Bell forever stamp, measuring about 3 feet by 3 feet.
“Boing” sound effect; freeze; announce:
“Holy Crap! Look at the size of that bad boy. You couldn’t use that stamp on a letter even it you wanted to. It’s completely impractical! I guess that’s what makes it so ‘givl’ing funny. You gotta warn me before you pull out the top shelf jokes like that.
Back to you, underpants!”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: “All he talks about is Gator football.” He then makes a chomping motion with his arms.
ACT 2: ARNOLD SINCLAIR: He’s an exotic food expert and a culinary scholar. He’s prepared a few dishes for Dave to sample; food not normally found on an American’s dinner table. On the menu tonight:
- Poached brain of raccoon
- Chocolate covered grasshoppers
- Iguana meatballs
- Snake livers
- Panda nuggets
On the table we see the spectacular array of food. Arnold first became interested in exotic foods a few years ago when he went hiking with friends and he got lost. For an entire week he existed on nothing buy plants, insects, and turtles. Arnold describes what he has prepared on the table. And where can you get these delicacies? Says Arnold, “A wholesaler.”
Arnold and Dave sample the dishes. The raccoon tastes a bit bitter at first, but it actually quite good. The chocolate covered grasshopper is more of a candied lollipop and though difficult to chew, looks to be a sweet taste the kids would like. The iguana meatballs are hot and spicy and a favorite of Arnold’s. Lauds Arnold, “Try one of these and you’ll never want Swedish meatballs again. Arnold pops one into his mouth. Dave is about to try his when he notices Arnold to be in a bit of trouble. Arnold gives the universal sign of “HEY, DUMB ASS, I’M CHOKING HERE!” It takes a little while for Dave to realize what is happening. Arnold continues to grab at his throat begging for help. He squeezes out, “Heimlich me, you idiot! Heimlich me!” Arnold loses his balance and knocks over the display table. Still clutching his throat and still not receiving any help from Dave, Arnold runs out through the back of the theater to St. Luke’s on 9th. Back to Dave, who seems more concerned with the mess on the floor of the stage.
Walking back to his desk, Dave laments “You hate to see something like that happen.”
TOP TEN: Signs You’re Watching Too Much ‘American Idol.’ #10. At church confessional, you say, “Forgive me, dawg, for I have sinned.” #8. After sex you say to your wife in British accent, “Awful. Just pathetic.” #6. When “Idol” comes on, so do the adult diapers.
To read the rest of the Top Ten list, check out above or over there to the right and click on Top Ten.
Dave receives an update. He’s learned that Arnold Sinclair is OK.
ACT 3/4 AL FRANKEN: He’s announced his candidacy for the United States Senate from the State of Minnesota. The election is in November 2008.
Al talks about how the early stages of his campaign is going, (he announced 40 days ago), and Dave brings up the subject of taconite. It has something to do with iron mining. I believe it’s a low-grade iron ore. OK, OK, I cheated. I just looked it up. But Al was well aware of the taconite mining along Minnesota’s iron range and gave a brief description of the area and the importance of taconite.
With Al running for U.S. Senator, will he be allowed to still be funny? Al says the people of Minnesota understand his humor. Plus, he’s more of a satirist. “You,” he points out to Dave, “are more of a clown. I do satire.” Al is also quick to point out that being a clown is very important. Bringing laughter is a great gift. Al continues, “I do that too, but I also make people think.” He believes the fine people of Minnesota will get his cheeky brand of hyperbole.
What are the main points he wants to bring to the campaign?
- universal health care
- Iraq – we need to get out
- A new energy policy – we have to take advantage of what we have. The wind, for instance. It’s right there in front of us; we just have to take advantage of it. “And Minnesota has a lot of wind,” says Al. Dave plays the straight man and supplies Al with a feed: “And why is Minnesota so windy?” The set up was that of setting up an old joke, one that I was unfamiliar. I tried to think of the answer before Al gave the punch, but I couldn’t come up with one. Al shoots Dave a knowing look with a smirk. It looks as if he doesn’t want to give the punch line but the comedian in him, or the satirist, knows it’s something he must do. When someone places a lovely dinner in front of you, it would be impolite not to eat. So when Dave asked, “And why is Minnesota so windy?” Al answered a bit sheepishly and with apologies, “It’s because the Dakotas blow and Wisconsin sucks.” Al quickly follows this by saying he doesn’t know if that is true; but it’s just something he’s heard.
Back from commercial, we see photos from one of Al’s frequent trips to Afghanistan, Iraq, and Kuwait. He’s gone quite a few of these good will trips to visit the soldiers and was doing it long before it became “fashionable” and still does it now that it no longer is as “fashionable.” He has one photo of the Taliban Cheerleaders who perform for the soldiers. It’s not quite what the soldiers have in mind, but soon discover it’s hot American cheerleaders in tear-away burqas. Oh, that Al.
Al always has a lot of nice warm stories about the men and women of the armed forces he meets and he shared some of the rules suggested by the military when phoning home. Al points out that it’s understandable to know the stress the soldiers are under over there, but there is considerable stress and anxiety with their families back home. Some of the phone rules suggested:
- always start with “I love you.”
- Ask about how your loved ones are doing FIRST before you ask about how your car or boat or tractor is doing.
- Do not expect your family to understand all what you are going through
- Share a happy family memory with them and tell them you will be doing that again soon
- Always say “I love you” before hanging up.
Nice rules, and rules we could all use right here at home.
Al Franken – Running for United States Senator from Minnesota – November 2008.
ACT 5: Biff with Mr. Sinclair in the Green Room making sure he’s OK.
ACT 6/CLOSE ISLA FISHER: From the film, The Lookout – opening Friday. You may remember her from The Wedding Crashers as Vince Vaughn’s bipolar nymphomaniac girlfriend. Dave says he’s watched the film a number of times and always finds it enjoyable.
Isla grew up in western Australia in Perth, home of the highest percentage of serial killers per capita. Kudos to Isla for lowering that percentage. Isla got her start in show biz the standard way; youthful modeling, bit parts here and there, and commercials. From there she went on to soap operas, playing an anorexic, incest victim, homewrecking lesbian, and on another show she always wore a bikini. No matter what she was doing she was in a bikini.
And she’s engaged to that Borat guy, Sacha Baron Cohen. She says it was not easy being engaged to him during the shooting of his movie. Every day was, “So, anybody new wanting to sue us today? Did you get beat up? Did you roll around with a fat naked man?”
You can see Isla in The Lookout – opening this Friday.
And that was our show for Wednesday March 28, 2007.
Twas I who performed the announce for the giant forever stamp.
“Holy Crap! Look at the size of that bad boy. You couldn’t use that stamp on a letter even it you wanted to. It’s completely impractical! I guess that’s what makes it so ‘givl’ing funny. You gotta warn me before you pull out the top shelf jokes like that.
Back to you, underpants!”
This was done LIVE during the show. Initially it was to be voiced by Alan but during rehearsal, I filled in for him as he was called away. While many considered this rehearsal, I considered it an audition. You never know. And oft’ times, it’s decided just before the show that I will do the announce and not Alan. This is exciting but always makes me nervous. I would rather do it as a pre-tape in an announce booth so if there is a screw up I could simply do it over, but we usually like to do it LIVE. When I’m told it’s me to do an announce, I find the script and re-type it in large print and space out the lines. I find I can read better when the lettering is big and spaced. But usually when I do a read during rehearsal, it’s only for rehearsal. Alan gets to do it during the show. I’ll sometimes think I did a good job, but then when I hear Alan’s read there is no comparison. He’s the grandmaster. He’s the best. And truthfully, I have no place being an announcer of any kind. My voice is too pitchy.
I was doing some research for the show on New York Yankee history. I knew they had won 26 World Series Championships, the last one in 2000, but I wanted to see it for verification. I went to their website and was happy to see I was right, but was aghast to see they had not updated their Yankee History to include the 2006 season. Huh? C’mon, Yankees, we live in the internet age! Update the site. For those of you scoring at home . . . first of all congratulations . . . . For those of you scoring at home, you can mark that in your book, “E-Yankees.”
I was flipping the channels the other day and stopped on a kids’ news show put on by teens. One news item covered the problems of the Hutus’ and the Tutsis in Rwanda. I learned more from that 5-minute piece than I have in 15 years of trying to follow this. I guess I have a teenage mentality. Or maybe we ALL need a primer every now and then to what’s happening around us. I find it hard to follow what’s happening in certain parts of the Middle East. I’m on Chapter One when all the news is on Chapter 86. I can never catch up. If one of the networks put on a “catch-up” program, it would help a lot. Yes, pick a topic once a month and talk down to us as if we are in junior high school and help us slowly catch up. Start right from the beginning without going into too much detail. Give us an overview. Advertise the program in advance and have the viewers print out a map of what will be discussed. The map, of course, would be available on their website. This would help the home viewer follow along. FDR did this during his fireside chats. He told everyone to get a world map to follow along in his discussions. World Maps were sold out in no time. Could this work today? Who knows? Sadly, I think we have grown very comfortable in our ignorance even though it doesn’t stop us from spouting our opinions. But I’d watch it. I think many of us would learn a great deal and we wouldn’t sound so ignorant at our next cocktail party.
And that’s my tip for the network execs.
Oh, and the next time someone is adamantly preaching about the Iraq War, either for or against, ask them to explain the difference between a Shi’ite and a Sunni. It’s a pretty good measuring stick.
Just because I have the opportunity to write a blog on a website for a network program, don’t let that impress you. There’s a very good chance I have no idea what I’m talking about. And when I do throw too much nonsense out at you, let me know. Believe me, I’m just trying to fill up space here. Half the things I write is only half thought out, anyway.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, North America, Western Hemisphere, it’s longtime Wahoo reader, Denis Blanchet.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER.
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Iran Crisis Update • Burger King Announcement • Forever Stamp • The Pope: Hell Is Real • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches: Gator Football
ACT 2 • Top Ten Signs You're Watching Too Much "American Idol" Read now
