What's the word on the picket line? Check out what the Late Show writers are saying on their new website, www.LateShowWritersOnStrike.com
It's no Wahoo, but it is informative and entertaining. Like I said, it's no Wahoo.

For your strike news:
www.Wga.org - the writers union, west
www.wgaeast.org - the writers union, east
www.amptp.org - the "other" side of the writers - the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers
www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com - Nikki Finke of L.A. Weekly - this is the website EVERYONE goes to for strike news . . . right after going to the Wahoo Gazette.
www.millerandgreen.blogspot.com - a blog written by former writers of the Late Show sharing their views on the strike

I went to the WGAE picket line on Thursday, slushing through the snow and sleet and rain. I was hoping I could lend my support from a distance under an overhang but no overhang could be found. I got soaked, but the warmth generated from the grateful strikers kept me . . . well, I was freezing and wet. The "Thanks for coming by" can only do so much.
Check out the Late Show writers website. I'm in it today!
www.LateShowWritersOnStrike.com

I found the following in the Denver Post:

Fox leads major networks for online video quality, ease of use
The primetime TV schedule, once committed to memory so we could keep track of our favorite shows, long ago lost its hold. Digital recorders and, increasingly, online options have unchained us from the tube at designated days and times.
The broadcast networks, which initially resisted releasing us, now provide free multiple viewing options.
If you missed Sunday's "Desperate Housewives" on ABC or Monday night's "K-Ville" on Fox, no problem. Tune to abc.com or fox.com for the latest installments.
TNS Media Intelligence, a research company that provides information to advertisers and media outlets, says about 16 percent of viewers with Internet access at home watch some TV shows online.
That's not exactly a widespread phenomenon, but the percentage has nearly doubled from a couple of years ago, so it's definitely catching on.

Something is wrong with me. I was at an important, serious meeting the other day. The leader of this small gathering mentioned she had a busy day ahead of her including a dentist appointment at 2:30. I smiled. She noticed my smile, looked at me puzzled, and continued on. I knew I shouldn't have said anything. I knew I should have left it alone. I knew I should not interrupt . . . but I just had to. I've had something in my back pocket for 35 years now and I've been waiting for the right moment to use it, and here it was. The opportunity finally presented itself. I interrupted. I said, "Excuse me. What time does a person go to the dentist?" She stopped and looked. Everyone looked. She says, "When?" I say, "Tooth-hurty." They groaned.
I apologized and told the group that it's an old old joke and admitted it wasn't all that funny, but this was the first time I ever met someone who actually had a dentist appointment at 2:30.
I'm sure I was diminished a bit in the eyes of those at the meeting. But who cares? I got a story out of it. And I've been smiling all day reliving that somewhat awkward moment.

I am enjoying this dismal Knicks season more than I thought possible. I'm loving it. But there is someone else out there who is loving it even more than I am. Who is that? New Jersey Nets coach Lawrence Frank. Everyone is looking and complaining about the awful Knicks while the Nets continue to flounder for a year and a half now. How this team can be 9-13 with their talent is beyond me. They barely made the playoffs last year and the way things are going now, it doesn't look like they'll make it this year. Hello, Lawrence, I'm noticing. Soon, others will too. It's time to start winning.

THE READERS WRITE:
Last week I wrote how I like to walk the mall parking lots on December weekends and have cars follow me to take my parking space. But I just keep walking. I feel like the Pied Piper.

Barry Brady from Brampton, Ontario:

"It's fun to walk the parking lots this time of year, but for even more enjoyment, walk part way down one parking lot lane, then go between cars to the next lane over!! They go nuts!"

"When I'm in a mall parking lot I always walk down the wrong aisle on purpose, then when a car begins tracking me I quickly cut in between cars over to the aisle where my car actually is. It's a fun game! "

Denis Blanchet of Manitoba, Canada wrote:

"I really liked your idea of a quiz show pitting school teachers against one another. I forwarded that paragraph of today's Wahoo to my sister, who responded with: 'It would probably get the highest ratings ever for a local cable show!' You're 'in the biz', as they say, so why don't you develop it (but as a network offering). It would probably count as a 'reality' show and be unaffected by the writers strike. Go for it; you'll make millions!"

From Topeka, Kansas, Thomas Owells:

"Could I be mentioned in a strike edition of the Wahoo?"

Hey, Macy's! Christmas isn't a dirty word. You can use it in your ads!

FAMOUS WAHOOS:
The Wahoo Pug Tribe - I don't really know what this is. It's a website of photos of pugs accompanied by a lot of Native American-sounding music. Have fun. www.wahoopugs.com

Friday's Previously Viewed Program: From September 11, 2006; #2615: Maria Sharapova; Martha Stewart; and Justin Timberlake.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From North Bend, Washington, it's Thomas A. Daniels.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee - also known as "The Guy"
mikemack@aol.com

Here now is the Wahoo Gazette for Friday's previously viewed program. It is one of the best Wahoo's ever!

(Original Air Date: 9/11/06)

Maria Sharapova; Martha Stewart; and Justin Timberlake.
PLUS: Dave’s New Slogan; The LATE SHOW NFL Preview; LIVE footage of Paris Hilton; Suggested Sign-Offs for Katie Couric; and Harry Letterman Goes To School.

Following Dave’s last monologue joke, Johnny Dark enters and stares out into the audience. Dave asks what’s he doing? Says Johnny: “The CBS Evening News made a whole bunch of changes to their show. Just seeing what changes you made.”
Johnny continues to look out around the theater. He concludes, “Nope. Pretty much the same old crap.”

Dave has been hard at work during the recent break coming up with a new slogan for the fall season: “Please to meet you people . . . meat to please you people.” It’s . . . . catchy? Dave saw it in a butcher store this weekend.

Football is back, and we at the LATE SHOW couldn’t be more excited. We quickly ordered up something called “The Late Show’s Exciting 2006 NFL Season Preview.” We see and hear music; lights, graphics . . . and that’s all we have so far. Don’t worry, it’s a long season. We don’t have the rights to show you anything at the moment. We got some bugs we need to iron out. We’ll have this thing up and running by the playoffs.

This just in . . . Dave is receiving word . . . yes, it’s Paris Hilton . . . on her way for arraignment following her arrest for DUI, driving under the influence. We have LIVE footage. . . we go to the CBS helicopter for a firsthand report. We see Paris’ vehicle driving wildly on the highway. She loses control and the car and it careens off the interstate. Dave is relieved to receive word that she is OK. Paris Hilton is fine. Phew. She’s OK.

Oh, and next week here on the LATE SHOW, it’s VENTRILOQUIST WEEK. All week, we’ll be featuring one of the top-flight ventriloquist acts in the country. We’ll open with Willie Tyler and Lester on Monday. Dave is tremendously excited. All next week, September 18-22nd, it’s ventriloquists. 5 big nights, right here.

By now we are all familiar with Katie Couric’s taking over the CBS Evening News. She left NBC’s Today Show when was caught stealing lip gloss and was quickly fired. We took advantage and hired her and stuck her on the Evening News. And she took quick advantage of the opportunity and asked for viewers to write in to the CBS website offering their ideas for a good sign-off to end her newscasts.

Examples of some news sign-offs:
Walter Cronkite: “And that’s the way it is...”
Edward R. Murrow: Good night and good luck.”

Katie Couric Sign-off suggestions from home viewers.
- Save us, Superman
- Suck on that, losers
- Well, I’m off to the dog track
- Three of tonight’s stories were fake. Write in if you think you know which ones
- I’m gonna go get my freak on
- Good night and get laid
- Peace out, bitches
- All you creepy old guys can put your pants back on
- I’m gonna go get me some ribs
- That’s the deal, Lucille
- Next stop, Margaritaville
- Oh, Lordy, I gots the news fever
- Keep it real, pimps and ho’s
- Let’s turn this mother out again tomorrow
- Here, kitty kitty kitty
- Keep feelin’ the funk
- Til tomorrow, morons
- Big up to my peeps in lockdown
- Return to your sad little lives
- From me to you, suck it
- Putting the ‘BS’ in CBS

Harry Letterman – Quite a day for Dave. His son Harry will be turning 3 in November. Dave doesn’t like things changing. He likes things to remain pretty much the same. Well, Harry, not even 3, had started school this morning. It was his first day of school. It was fine for Harry, but a bit traumatic for Dave. He would prefer for Harry to stay home and never get old. There is no need for him to leave the house. What good can come from that? Well, today at his first day of school . . . he filled a bucket with sand! Filled a bucket with sand . . . for $80,000 a year. The proud dad then shows off a photograph of little Harry on his first day of school. We see the adorable lad standing in the classroom, lifting his shirt to expose his belly. I imagine Harry learned that at home.
A very cute fellow, that Harry.

Dave mentions something about Justin Timberlake. He’s dating Cameron Diaz... but he doesn’t want to talk about it. Dave says that’s where he and Justin differ . . . if he were dating Cameron Diaz, there’s nothing else Dave would want to talk about. You wouldn’t be able to shut him up.

MARIA SHARAPOVA: She’s the 2006 U.S. Open Women’s Singles champion. How did she celebrate? Well, it was late when the match was over and she immediately had to give a press conference and then pee into a cup. Oh, the glamour of big time sports.
Maria was born in Russia and started playing tennis at the age of 4. Her talent was soon noticed and the family moved to the United States 3 years later. And ten years at the age of 17 she won at Wimbldeon. It came as a real shock to her. Two years later she’s winning the U.S. Open. Dave begins his next question with, “This may be a silly question . . .” and Maria jumps in “ . . . probably.” Hey! You’re just a kid! You can’t talk to your elders like that!
And speaking of age, Maria asks Dave when he was born. Dave says he will tell the audience when he was born and then she will tell the audience when she was born and you will surely hear a gasp.
Dave says he was born in 1947. The audience gasps. Dave reprimands the audience, "Don’t gasp yet!”
Maria was born in 1987. Dave weeps that he is 40 years older than Ms. Sharapova. Ouch.
We take a look at Maria’s U.S. Open trophy, all bright and shiny. A U.S. Open championship and a Wimbledon champ . . . and she’s only 19.

MARTHA STEWART: at the demo counter, center stage. She has some cookies for Dave. What kind? Martha says proudly, “Home-made Gingersnaps.” Dave says with glee, “Oh, I love gingersnaps . . . I think.”
What will they be making tonight? School lunches for the kids. Dave had considered having Harry home-schooled, but he was talked out of it. Martha says it’s good for the kid to get out of the house. Dave snaps back, “It good to see you out of the House”, meaning the Big House. Over the laughs, Paul plays a bit of Elvis Presley’s “Jailhouse Rock.”
But back to business. What does Martha have for us?
A Puzzle sandwich – Dave is given a pre-made jelly sandwich and a cookie cutter. Dave, a master around the kitchen, cuts himself on the cookie cutter. His finger is bleeding. He shows Martha who quickly takes care of it . . . she licks it off. I think she learned that in the big house. Was Dave really bleeding? I don’t think so. It looked like jelly to me . . . but I don’t want to ruin the fantasy.
Then Dave and Martha have fun with egg salad sandwiches. Martha makes a face with the eggs salad and some vegetables like pepper and olives. Dave makes his sandwich with egg salad and uses hard-boiled eggs for the eyes and nose. He finds a red-pepper slice for the mouth.
After that, Dave gives a shout-out to the salad shooter people who have finally put a break on their spinner. Now it’s easy to stop the spin. While Martha pretended to listen to Dave’s story, she made some kind of sushi sandwich.
You can see more of Martha on her TV show, which starts its second season on Tuesday.

Back from commercial, Dave talks to our cue card master, Tony Mendez. With the summer winding down, we thought it would be a good idea to send Tony Mendez on a trip to explore one of the more popular summer destinations. Where did we send him? To the Hamptons. We have a clip of Tony’s trip.
We see Tony leaving the theater.
We see Tony getting a car at the car rental.
We see Tony with a map in his lap as he drives the city streets.
We see Tony knock over a bike messenger.
We see Tony stuck in traffic.
We see Tony stuck in even more traffic.
We see Tony stuck in even more traffic yet.
And we see Tony scream out, “Mother-‘givl’er!”

Tony never made it to the Hamptons.

And because of the show running long, this whole piece gets cut out of the show. Sorry, Tony. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE: From his new CD, “Future Sex / Love Sounds”, Justin Timberlake, with Timbaland, performed “Sexy Back.”

ACT 5: It’s Alan Kalter catching a snooze

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE: SO let’s talk about Cameron Diaz. Justin says it’s just a bunch of boring details. Dave tells him the details are what we want to hear. Dave holds up a "Rolling Stone" magazine with Justin on the cover. Dave says he heard the interview was conducted in Amsterdam or someplace like that, and he and the interviewer were smoking weed. I liked hearing Dave using the term “weed.”
And what was the deal with the Janet Jackson thing at the Super Bowl. Justin says the choreography got a little messy and they didn’t mean it to go quite the way it did. What exactly happened? Dave explains that it was obvious that Justin grabbed at the . . . . dress and then pulled . . . and something came out. And what did he expect would come out, a bunch of doves? Justin admits that it was not a well thought-out performance.
Justin Timberlake – his CD “Future Sex / Love Sounds” comes out Tuesday.

And that was our show for Monday September 11, 2006.



Why do I feel we’ll be hearing Alan Kalter singing “Sexy Back” in the near future?

I’m driving to work this morning pretty sure we would be having Maria Sharapova on the program. I’m always a bit apprehensive when we have a foreign-born guest since the name is often difficult to pronounce. We like to get it exactly right. But with Maria Sharapova, I figure she’s well known enough that it wouldn’t be hard to remember the correct pronunciation. It’s Shara-Pova. It’s the only way I’ve ever heard Sharapova pronounced. . . . until Monday morning. I’m listening to Imus on the radio interviewing Bud Collins, the guy who does the tennis matches for CBS. How does he pronounce Shara-POE-va? Bud Collins, Mr. Tennis announcer, calls her “SharOPP-ahva. How could that be? Is he right and everyone else wrong?

How crazy is this? Last week I was watching morning TV and I found myself wishing “Bring back Star Jones!”
Next time you watch The View, watch it with your back turned. Just allow yourself to listen. Yikes!
I watched the beginning of Rosie’s first show last week on The View. During the opening, I saw a guy in the audience standing with his arms raised, jumping up and down. Now, c’mon. Was he really that excited?
And speaking of The View, a game I like to play during The View, Ellen, and Oprah, is something I call, “Spot the Guy.” When the camera pans the audience, I try to spot a guy. It’s not as easy as it seems. Play it with a friend. First one to see a guy in the audience, wins.

From the Wahoo Gazette - January 16, 2003

“Why did the New York Mets sign Tom Glavine if they don’t have a shortstop, 3rd baseman, or a centerfielder?”

Hey! Have you seen Dick Tracy in "Gasoline Alley"! Yeah, last week and now this week. Where will we find him next week, with Moon Mullins?

NFL FOOTBALL:
New York Giant fans are outraged over the offensive interference call made against their team in the 4th quarter last night. And the replay pretty much shows there was no such infraction. I can understand not calling a penalty when there was actually a penalty . . . a ref can always miss a call. What I don’t understand is calling a penalty when none such existed. How do you call something that you didn’t see? And I’m still waiting for the replay of the Giants illegal procedure call with 17 seconds left in the game. I was watching for that very thing before Eli Manning spiked the ball. I didn’t see any movement from the Giants offense. I DID see a Colt jump offsides, though. TV shows replays of every play in the NFL. They can’t help it. They have the technology and feel they have to use it whether the play is worthy of a replay or not. So the one time I really want to see a replay . . . . nothing.

Terrell Owens made his debut with the Dallas Cowboys Sunday, losing to the Jacksonville Jaguars 24-17.
After the game, Terrell said the Cowboys would have won if they had Donovan McNabb as their quarterback.
Dallas Cowboy quarterback Drew Bledsoe threw 3 interceptions in the game. He had a good excuse, though.
He’s Drew Bledsoe.

It’s been 5 years and Osama continues to sleep peacefully.