" . . . and now, colorful grafter . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Fred Thompson has decided to drop out of the presidential race. Dave has footage of his farewell speech.
We cut to a scene of "Frankenstein," with Boris Karloff in the role of Frankenstein's monster. The monster mumbles an indecipherable message.

The phone? Someone's on the phone? You mean the prop phone that doesn't work? Dave pleads with our executive producer, "But we're right in the middle of a show!" Ms. Gaines makes Dave pick up the phone. I could be important. Dave lifts the receiver and we hear the radio transmission of the California Highway Patrol's Lt. Len Easton.
And kids, if you don't know, ask your parents what a "receiver" is.

Dave isn't the only one being harassed by this Lt. Len Easton guy. Did you happen to watch Larry King Live yesterday? We show a clip. We hear Lt. Easton on the phone during the Larry King Live show barking out a report of something going down. The guy is out of hand.

Dave finally saw the "Cloverfield" movie and he doesn't think the movie is all that scary. We see a clip.
We find the Cloverfield monster sitting on a sofa in a living room. He is drinking a beer. His wife enters and bellows, "Cloverfield, put your shoes on. We're going!"
CLOVERFIELD: "Forget it. I had a lousy day at work. I'm sitting on my ass and watching 'Gossip Girl.'"
WIFE: "Cloverfield, my mother is waiting outside the bowling alley and it's 10 degrees! Do you want her to freeze to death?"
CLOVERFIELD: (tilts his head and looks directly into the camera) "You said it, I didn't."
WIFE: "Cloverfield! You're impossible!"
CLOVERFIELD: (looking into the camera with a silly grin) "That's why they call me 'Cloverfield!'"

Jeopardy's Alex Trebek has returned to host the very popular game show after suffering a heart attack. Welcome back, Alex, but Dave feels he may have rushed his return. Perhaps a bit more rest should have been prescribed. What does Dave mean? He shows a clip from the show seen earlier in the day.
We watch Alex give the answers to the contestants as they then give the question. But something isn't right. What the contestants provide are obviously not the correct answers but Alex charges on ahead. No matter what they say, Alex responds, "Right!" It's embarrassing.

Last night was the debut of the new show on FOX called, "The Moment of Truth," in which contestants take lie detector tests. We take a look at a promo.
Announcer: "It's the hot new game show where contestants can win $500,000 if they pass the lie detector test! Who's telling the truth? And who's not?"
We cut to George W. Bush at this 2003 State of the Union Address:
"Year after year, Saddam Hussein has gone to elaborate lengths, spent enormous sums, taken great risks to build and keep weapons of mass destruction." BUZZ! ''The Moment of Truth' --- Wednesdays on FOX!"

ACT 2:
Dave? Dave? Something has caught Dave's attention. He stares at something over his left shoulder. We soon see what it is. It's a photo of Republican candidate, Mitt Romney. The man is so handsome.

ANDY KINDLER: We sent Mr. Kindler out to talk to life coaches, but first he chats with Dave. Andy has a gripe about the amazing technology of the hotel plastic card key. It is so much better than the old metal key you would slip into the lock and turn. That was too much work. Now we have the plastic card! Isn't technology great?! Unfortunately, when Andy placed the card in the same pocket as his cellphone, it became demagnetized and didn't work on the door. He went back to the front desk and got a new one. Unfortunately, he put it in the same pocket as his credit cards. This demagnetized it. And then he accidentally raised it over his head towards magnetic north and that too demagnetized his newly issued plastic key card. Thank goodness technology has made our life better.
Andy introduces his piece where he visited area life coaches, those who coach you through complex problems and offer simple solutions. I like Andy's comedy pieces. I relate to the poor schlub. To finish off the piece, we hear what each life coach suggested to improve Andy's life. He needs to change his hair, lose weight, get a smaller forehead, improve his posture, change his glasses, and "perhaps comedy isn't your strongest suit." Ouch.
A bit of advice he received: "World, come to my crotch area." That works? Really?

Andy will be performing at The Irvine Improv on Wednesday January 30th and can be seen on the upcoming Comedy Central series, "The Root of All Evil."

ACT 3:
Dave brings a pizza pie to someone in the audience who hasn't had a pizza in like 15 years. Pat Farmer enters with a pie from Angelo's. But it's just a cheese pizza. For a guy who hasn't had a pizza in 15 years, you have to load it up. Dave delivers the pizza to the guy in the audience, but orders another with the works.

TOP TEN: Senator Barack Obama Campaign Promises - and to present tonight's top ten list, Democratic Presidential Candidate, Senator Barack Obama.
We find the Senator at the University of South Carolina Beaufort.
#10. "To keep the budget balanced, I'll rent the situation room for Sweet Sixteens."
#9. "I will double your tax money at the craps table."
#8. "Appoint Mitt Romney Secretary of Lookin' Good."

Dave glances over at a photo he has hanging on the wall over his shoulder of Mitt Romney. He's one handsome dude.

#7. "If you bring a gator to the White House, I'll wrassle it."
#6. "I'll put Regis on the nickel."
#5. "I'll rename the tenth month of the year 'Barack-tober'"
#4. "I won't let Apple release the new and improved iPod the day after you bought the previous model."
#3. "I'll find money in the budget to buy Letterman a decent hairpiece."
#2. "Pronounce the word nuclear, nuclear."
#1. "Three words: Vice President Oprah."

JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS: From the CBS program, "The New Adventures of Old Christine." While taping one of the episodes, the writers strike happened and production shut down immediately. Julia joined the picketers to lend support. She felt proud of herself to be picketing with the writers. She felt good. She felt as if she was helping to change the world. We see a photo of Julia on the picket line. Then it was decided they picket the "Desperate Housewives" show, who were still taping. The writers began chanting, "We write the story-a for Eva Longoria." Stuff like that. Well, it ended up upsetting Ms. Longoria. She began to weep. Then Eva came out and delivered pizza to appease the crowd. The next thing Julia knew was she was standing next to Eva Longoria who was still in makeup, in diamond earrings, hair done up just so, and Julia was in a t-shirt and yoga pants with her hair up in a bun. Eva was all beautiful and Julia wasn't so much.

Julia recently gave a commencement address at Northwestern University. Yikes. That's a lot of pressure because Northwestern is like a real university. Real book-learning goes on there. In fact, the year before Barack Obama gave the commencement address. What to do? Well, gifts always work. She gave out a fluorescent light bulb to each graduate to help them on their way to being energy efficient, and then offered these 3 simple steps to make it through life:
Get educated - you have your college education, now become life educated.
Take action - live life; make things happen
Don't be an ass.
Dave loves #3. If you can accomplish #3, the first 2 will take care of themselves.

Dave asks, "Does your comedy come from your life or have you gone forward in search of the comedy?" Julia looks at Dave in wonder, confused at what show she's on. I expected the name "James Lipton" to be come up. Julia says she had a very funny grandmother . . . who also liked to drink. Julia remembers she would be very funny, sarcastic, then fall down. Julia never understood why anyone would get mad at someone for falling down.
"The New Adventures of Old Christine" - its 3rd season premieres Monday February 4th at 9:30, only on CBS.

ACT 5:
It's that hippo guy lurking around backstage. Yesterday I commented that it was the easiest paycheck that guy had ever earned but now I realize he only makes it LOOK easy. The guy under there is a real pro.

ACT 6:
Dave brings out another pizza to the fellas in the audience. This one is loaded up with extra; quite a lovely pie. My suggestion didn't get legs. I suggested that the hippo bring out the pie.

T.J. MILLER: From the film, "Cloverfield." You won't see much of T.J. in the film because he was the guy manning the handheld camera throughout the film. He's on screen for about 2-and-a-half minutes total. The clip we see covers 50% of it. There was a lot of secrecy leading up to the release of "Cloverfield." Everyone wanted to know about the monster and the plot. T.J. admits to being a bit of a drinker and blabbed a bit too much to a friend. Word got back to a higher up in the film and T.J. soon got a phone call. It was suggested, "Maybe you shouldn't drink in public." Ooooh, boy. Who here hasn't gotten one of those phone calls? Not good. I am forever thankful that video cameras were still too new to be around during my college days. If they were, I probably could never run for President.
You may recognize T.J. from the ABC show, "Carpoolers." Or you may recognize his as "somebody." He often gets, "Hey! Hey you! You're the guy . . . you're the guy . . . you you you . . . you're in that thing!"
And T.J. makes the standup comedy circuit. He'll be appearing February 29th and March 1st at Comix right here in New York.

ACT 7:
SUPER FURRY ANIMALS: From their new album, "Hey Venus!" Super Furry Animals performed "Neo Consumerism." Many around here were humming it after the show.
And I know I'm not the only one who thought of Michael Nesmith.

And that's the show for Thursday, January 24, 2008.



Did you notice that on the night we had the Super Furry Animals, we also had two guys dressed as furry animals on the show. I tried to get our furry animals involved somehow with the music but all my suggestions fell on the floor.

The morning commute has been surprisingly good for quite a few weeks now, and I think I know why. When I drive over the George Washington Bridge (178th Street) at 7:45 AM, it looks like the sun is rising over 155th Street to the south. Of course it isn't, but that's where I see the sun at 7:45 AM. But each week that passes, the sun moves further north. Now at 7:45 AM, the sun looks to be rising over 165th Street. In a few weeks, the sun will be rising straight ahead at 178th Street. When that happens, the sun glare will bring the drive across to a standstill. That'll cause a logjam for miles. Not until they spring the clocks ahead will the morning traffic ease. As it is now, it isn't so bad. But I can feel it getting a little worse each week. I'll keep you posted and up-to-date on this thrilling topic.

This isn't a good sign. I have about 7 shirts and sweaters in my closet that after each time I wear one of them, I'll say "Well, that's the last time I wear that thing." And yet they keep finding their way back into the rotation. Of course, I only have 10 shirts and sweaters in total, so until I buy some replacements, I'll continue to go ratty. And if it weren't for Tony Mendez to show me clothes he is throwing out, I'd really have nothing to wear. I wear some things that people think I'm going retro. Nope. It's just been in my rotation for 14 years now.

I've been with the Late Show since 1994. If I knew I'd still be here in 2008, I've had worn the same shirt for every annual staff photo.

And now, another installment of "A Coincidence That Will Mean Nothing To You."
I'm riding the elevator the other day. Writer Tom Ruprecht is in the elevator with me. He is wearing an old San Diego Padre hat from the late 70's. I make a comment. He mentions Ozzie Smith and Dave Winfield. I mention Randy Jones. He mentions someone and Sixto Lezcano. Oh! Sixto Lezcano. Every baseball fan knows Sixto Lezcano for only one reason. When he would come to bat, he would hold the bat by the barrel. He would then flick the bat down on home plate so the nub would hit and then bounce back 180 degrees. Sixto would then catch the bat by the handle and get ready to hit. Every kid from 40 to 55 still does it to this day.
And then later that afternoon during the taping of the show, stagehand Gene Szymanski walks into the shack. He starts talking about something and mentions Sixto Lezcano. What? Sixto Lezcano twice in one day? What are the odds? What a coincidence!

I find that I'll write anything in the Wahoo Gazette that I find interesting throughout my day. Yes, Sixto Lezcano qualifies. That is what my life has become.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Granville, Ohio, it's Matt Dole.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER