DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen; Jane Krakowski; and Martha Wainwright. PLUS:Al Gore’s House; a Visit with Cameraman Dave Dorsett; a Kid Who Couldn’t Get into College; Fidel Looking Sickly; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; and Are There Grizzlies in Tennessee?
“ . . . and now, troubled parking valet . . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
A new report claims that Al Gore’s home is using more and more electricity; far more than the average American. Dave thinks he knows why. We see footage of Mr. Gore’s home in Tennessee. But what is that on the roof? It’s a huge electric sign: “Stop Global Warming!”
It’s a nice message, but I have to question the way it is delivered.
“Dave? Oh, Dave! Dave!”
It’s our cameraman, Dave Dorsett, trying to get Dave’s attention. DAVE: “Yes, Dave. It’s our cameraman, Mr. Dave Dorsett.” DORSETT: “Dave, I’m an old-fashioned buy, so this isn’t easy for me to say. But I’m very happy that you can finally get married in California.” DAVE: “Uhh, that’s very nice of you, but I’m not gay.” DORSETT: “Whatever you say, Nancy.”
A local boy named Lukazs Zbylut was accepted to 18 top colleges. This made us feel bad for the kids who weren’t as successful. So please welcome another local boy who didn’t get into a single college. From Henry Hudson High School in Tarrytown, New York, it’s Mr. Joe Grossman.
The uncomfortable Joe Grossman enters and stands center stage. DAVE: “Thanks for being here.” JOE: “Sure.” DAVE: “So, you didn’t get into any college?” JOE: “No.” DAVE: “Well, you must be happy summer’s here. Do you have a summer job?” JOE: “Yes.” DAVE: “Where?” JOE: “Applebee’s.” DAVE: “What do you like doing in your spare time?” JOE: “I like to touch people’s food.” DAVE: “Wonderful. Joe Grossman, ladies and gentlemen.”
Joe begins to leave in the wrong direction, turns, then exits.
Creepy dude.
Cuban television has broadcast the first video footage of Fidel Castro since January and everyone says he looks extremely old and frail. See for yourself.
We see photos of Mr. Castro. Announce: “Ever since Fidel Castro’s declining health forced him to retire, he has kept a low profile. But now, Cuba has released the first video footage of him in nearly six months, and he looks older, more sickly, and closer to death than ever.”
Cut to footage of a bearded Dave at the monologue mark, just back from the writers’ strike.
In Spanish: “It was so hot today, I saw a squirrel rubbing mashed plantains on his nuts.” Announce: “Fidel: Still got it!”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
The President says “recruit-a-ments.”
ACT 2:
As Dave begins to go on to the next order of business, the confused Joe Grossman wanders in the window behind Dave. Dave directs him to the exit.
Barack Obama vs. John McCain --- Paul opens it up with a delightful opening theme.
But before we get to it, Dave wants to say some more about the Boston Celtics and their 17th championship. He then looks at a list of all the NBA teams in the league; one in particular: The Memphis Grizzlies. Dave states, “And if you can find one grizzly bear in Tennessee, I will give you $1 million.” Dave clarifies, “And it has to be a grizzly; no black bear.”
Dave looks at the clock and decides there is no time for the Obama/McCain piece and instead has Paul perform the piece’s opening them.
ACT 3:
Back from commercial, Dave reads from a sheet:
“The current range of the grizzly bear extends from Alaska, south through much of western Canada, and into portions of the northwestern United States, including Idaho, Montana, Washington, and Wyoming., extending as far south as . . . . Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks. It is argued by some that there still remains a small population in southern . . . . Colorado”
TOP TEN: Signs You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee --- a recent study finds that drinking 6 cups of coffee a day over 20 years is not harmful, and may in fact, help you live longer. 6. You’re tapping our leg like Larry Craig in a men’s room stall. 4. Your last words before bypass surgery: “Tell Juan Valdez I love him.”
KEVIN GARNETT AND RAY ALLEN
From the World Champion Boston Celtics!
Dave thanks Kevin and Ray for coming on the show on such short notice. Says Ray, “Back in the 80s when you won a championship, you’d say ‘We’re going to Disneyland.’ Now in 2000 when you win a championship, you say ‘We’re going to David Letterman.’”
Yeah!
You can tell Dave appreciates the history and the dynasty and the greatness of the Boston Celtics. This is their 17 NBA Championship. Dave asks if any of the old Celtics from those great teams come around the gym to help out. Kevin and Ray say players come around all the time and speak to them about the Celtic pride. Bill Russell is a frequent visitor and is considered the cornerstone of the franchise. Ray Allen says Bill Russell is a very funny guy. Ray says Bill Russell will say something that isn’t particularly funny, and then he’ll laugh and continue to laugh until you start laughing along with him. Dave says he does the same thing here every night.
Dave holds up a copy of an October issue of Sports Illustrated with the Celtic’s Big 3 on the cover: Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce. The team was coming off a dismal season, one of the team’s worst ever, and here the Celtics were featured on the cover of S.I. with the newly acquired Garnett and Allen. Dave says the Boston Celtic uniform is perfect; none better. The Los Angeles Lakers uniform? Dave says they look like dental hygienists with that funny-looking thing around their collar.
Back in the day, Celtic president Red Auerbach was famous for lighting up a cigar inside the Boston Garden was victory was at hand. It is a well-known tradition. Was there any cigar smoking after the game? Kevin says there was a lot of cigar smoking after the game. Good. I like traditions, no matter how unhealthy.
Shortly before Game 5 in Los Angeles, Ray Allen’s 17-month-old son had fallen ill. While the team traveled back to Boston for Game 6, Ray stayed behind in L.A. to be with his son in the hospital. Tests were done and it was diagnosed that he had diabetes. That’s a lot to put on a father’s mind. Basketball took a back seat . . . way in the back . . . at this time. Dave then reaches behind the desk and pulls out the Larry O’Brien Championship trophy and proclaims, “Well, then, this is for your son, Walker.”
Very touching.
The Boston Celtics . . . out of nowhere . . . . CHAMPIONS! Just like the New York Giants . . . . sorry.
ACT 5: Announce: “Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Jason Bateman; Teri Garr; and singer Keyshia Cole.
The Late Show: Your home for great comedy and tasty cheeseburgers!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6:
Dave says, “In addition, if you can prove the existence of jazz in Utah . . . I’ll add another million to the pot.”
I was hoping Dave would say something about finding professional-quality basketball at Madison Square Garden.
JANE KRAKOWSKI: She’s in the upcoming film, Kit Kittredge: An American Doll. I’ll be all over this movie, having read the books and played with the doll. Kit is a young pre-teen growing up during the Depression. One scene I’m hoping to see is a young boy rolling the rim of a bicycle wheel down the street with a stick. Hopefully he’ll be in overalls without a shirt and no shoes. In my story, Kit will be sweet on him.
Jane took time out from rehearsing “Damn Yankees” to be on the show tonight. It opens July 5th at the City Center in their Encore Series Jane tells stories about life on Broadway and everything that needs to be rehearsed and the excitement of performing Bob Fosse choreography. Dave tries to share in the excitement but has to admit, “I wish I knew more about what you are saying.” Dave says he is familiar with a lot of the references she made but doesn’t quite understand them. Jane apologizes, forgetting for a minute where she was. Sure, we’re on Broadway, but it’s not THAT kind of Broadway.
I know what Dave means. When I heard Jane mention Bob Fosse, all I could think of was the 1970 baseball All-Star game. Wrong Fosse.
From her work on “Damn Yankees,” Jane has learned that she is the worst stripper on earth. . At this point I was no longer thinking of the 1970 baseball All-Star game. She says she was way too nervous and what should have come easy, didn’t. There’s a lot more to it than one would imagine. She’s right. I wouldn’t know what to do with my hands.
Jane tells a nightmarish story of performing in “Guys and Dolls” in London and being heckled by someone in the audience. She stopped sudden, and started conversing with the heckler. Jane knew this was not the way to handle it but since she was leaving the production in two weeks she decided, “What the heck?” After some back and forth, Jane barks, “Take 2” and re-did the scene from the beginning.
“Kit Kittredge: An American Doll” – opens Friday in select cities; July 2nd nationwide.
“Damn Yankees” – opens July 5th at the City Center. 30 Rock – Thursdays on NBC.
ACT 7: MARTHA WAINWRIGHT: From her CD, “I Know You’re Married, But I’ve Got Feelings Too,” Martha Wainwright performed “You Cheated Me.” I enjoyed that and I would buy the CD for the album title alone.
And that was our show for Wednesday June 18, 2008.
New York City is approximately 190 miles from Boston. And that’s the answer to the question: “How close are the Knicks to an NBA Championship?” 190 miles.
I like to pronounce the Boston Celtics with a “K” sound, like Keltics. I believe it’s the correct way to say it. Can anyone enlighten?
Boston Celtics:
- this is their 17th championship; their first since 1986.
- Last season record: 24-58
- This season record: 66-16; the biggest one-year turn around in NBA history.
- Doc Rivers is the head coach. Somehow, Doc Rivers became a much better coach in one year.
And now, My Larry O’Brien NBA Championship Trophy story.
I was in my office. I went downstairs to drop something off. A staffer calls me into his office. He shows me the Larry O’Brien NBA championship trophy. I touch it.
OK, OK, I admit my Larry O’Brien trophy story isn’t nearly as good as my Stanley Cup story.
Did you know you can fit two basketballs through a basketball hoop at the same time? I know Knick fans don’t believe it, but it’s true.
And now My Red Auerbach Story: I was in college in Cortland, New York; late 70s. I was in the library . . . . OK, OK, I wasn’t in the library . . . I was in the Tannery, the on-campus bar. I was sitting with a girl trying to make some time. Another girl approaches with the saddest face. She seemed devastated and was walking around in a daze. I was only slightly familiar with her, having seen her here and there, rarely saying hello. My companion didn’t know her at all. She stops at our table and mumbles, “Did you hear?” I think someone must have died. “No! What?” I blurt. She says, “He canceled. Red Auerbach canceled. He won’t be speaking at the Union tonight.” She continues to mumble something as she walks away.
I look at my bar mate. She looks at me. We both laugh and laugh, wondering if we are missing something.
And that’s my Red Auerbach story.
I’ve been having this hacking cough for the good part of a week now. It’s more annoying than debilitating, but I can’t seem to shake it. And then this past Saturday night, Denise picked up “The Bucket List” starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. And every time I coughed, my girls would get real real nervous.
My favorite line in the movie: Jack Nicholson to Morgan Freeman: “You always have those freckles?”
LATE SHOW ALERT! LATE SHOW ALERT! Friday on the LATE SHOW website is the premiere of the "Late Show Theme," presented in full-length, performed by Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra, directed by Mr. Jerry Foley. I’m not sure of the website address, but I believe it to be www.lateshow.com/lateshow. Check it out right after you read the Wahoo Gazette.
The Wahoo Gazette – where it’s full length every night! SLDSH.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
He’s the William Frawley of the sleight-of-hand magic world, say hello to Brady!
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen; Jane Krakowski; and Martha Wainwright. PLUS:Al Gore’s House; a Visit with Cameraman Dave Dorsett; a Kid Who Couldn’t Get into College; Fidel Looking Sickly; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; and Are There Grizzlies in Tennessee?
“ . . . and now, troubled parking valet . . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
A new report claims that Al Gore’s home is using more and more electricity; far more than the average American. Dave thinks he knows why. We see footage of Mr. Gore’s home in Tennessee. But what is that on the roof? It’s a huge electric sign: “Stop Global Warming!”
It’s a nice message, but I have to question the way it is delivered.
“Dave? Oh, Dave! Dave!”
It’s our cameraman, Dave Dorsett, trying to get Dave’s attention. DAVE: “Yes, Dave. It’s our cameraman, Mr. Dave Dorsett.” DORSETT: “Dave, I’m an old-fashioned buy, so this isn’t easy for me to say. But I’m very happy that you can finally get married in California.” DAVE: “Uhh, that’s very nice of you, but I’m not gay.” DORSETT: “Whatever you say, Nancy.”
A local boy named Lukazs Zbylut was accepted to 18 top colleges. This made us feel bad for the kids who weren’t as successful. So please welcome another local boy who didn’t get into a single college. From Henry Hudson High School in Tarrytown, New York, it’s Mr. Joe Grossman.
The uncomfortable Joe Grossman enters and stands center stage. DAVE: “Thanks for being here.” JOE: “Sure.” DAVE: “So, you didn’t get into any college?” JOE: “No.” DAVE: “Well, you must be happy summer’s here. Do you have a summer job?” JOE: “Yes.” DAVE: “Where?” JOE: “Applebee’s.” DAVE: “What do you like doing in your spare time?” JOE: “I like to touch people’s food.” DAVE: “Wonderful. Joe Grossman, ladies and gentlemen.”
Joe begins to leave in the wrong direction, turns, then exits.
Creepy dude.
Cuban television has broadcast the first video footage of Fidel Castro since January and everyone says he looks extremely old and frail. See for yourself.
We see photos of Mr. Castro. Announce: “Ever since Fidel Castro’s declining health forced him to retire, he has kept a low profile. But now, Cuba has released the first video footage of him in nearly six months, and he looks older, more sickly, and closer to death than ever.”
Cut to footage of a bearded Dave at the monologue mark, just back from the writers’ strike.
In Spanish: “It was so hot today, I saw a squirrel rubbing mashed plantains on his nuts.” Announce: “Fidel: Still got it!”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
The President says “recruit-a-ments.”
ACT 2:
As Dave begins to go on to the next order of business, the confused Joe Grossman wanders in the window behind Dave. Dave directs him to the exit.
Barack Obama vs. John McCain --- Paul opens it up with a delightful opening theme.
But before we get to it, Dave wants to say some more about the Boston Celtics and their 17th championship. He then looks at a list of all the NBA teams in the league; one in particular: The Memphis Grizzlies. Dave states, “And if you can find one grizzly bear in Tennessee, I will give you $1 million.” Dave clarifies, “And it has to be a grizzly; no black bear.”
Dave looks at the clock and decides there is no time for the Obama/McCain piece and instead has Paul perform the piece’s opening them.
ACT 3:
Back from commercial, Dave reads from a sheet:
“The current range of the grizzly bear extends from Alaska, south through much of western Canada, and into portions of the northwestern United States, including Idaho, Montana, Washington, and Wyoming., extending as far south as . . . . Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks. It is argued by some that there still remains a small population in southern . . . . Colorado”
TOP TEN: Signs You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee --- a recent study finds that drinking 6 cups of coffee a day over 20 years is not harmful, and may in fact, help you live longer. 6. You’re tapping our leg like Larry Craig in a men’s room stall. 4. Your last words before bypass surgery: “Tell Juan Valdez I love him.”
KEVIN GARNETT AND RAY ALLEN
From the World Champion Boston Celtics!
Dave thanks Kevin and Ray for coming on the show on such short notice. Says Ray, “Back in the 80s when you won a championship, you’d say ‘We’re going to Disneyland.’ Now in 2000 when you win a championship, you say ‘We’re going to David Letterman.’”
Yeah!
You can tell Dave appreciates the history and the dynasty and the greatness of the Boston Celtics. This is their 17 NBA Championship. Dave asks if any of the old Celtics from those great teams come around the gym to help out. Kevin and Ray say players come around all the time and speak to them about the Celtic pride. Bill Russell is a frequent visitor and is considered the cornerstone of the franchise. Ray Allen says Bill Russell is a very funny guy. Ray says Bill Russell will say something that isn’t particularly funny, and then he’ll laugh and continue to laugh until you start laughing along with him. Dave says he does the same thing here every night.
Dave holds up a copy of an October issue of Sports Illustrated with the Celtic’s Big 3 on the cover: Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce. The team was coming off a dismal season, one of the team’s worst ever, and here the Celtics were featured on the cover of S.I. with the newly acquired Garnett and Allen. Dave says the Boston Celtic uniform is perfect; none better. The Los Angeles Lakers uniform? Dave says they look like dental hygienists with that funny-looking thing around their collar.
Back in the day, Celtic president Red Auerbach was famous for lighting up a cigar inside the Boston Garden was victory was at hand. It is a well-known tradition. Was there any cigar smoking after the game? Kevin says there was a lot of cigar smoking after the game. Good. I like traditions, no matter how unhealthy.
Shortly before Game 5 in Los Angeles, Ray Allen’s 17-month-old son had fallen ill. While the team traveled back to Boston for Game 6, Ray stayed behind in L.A. to be with his son in the hospital. Tests were done and it was diagnosed that he had diabetes. That’s a lot to put on a father’s mind. Basketball took a back seat . . . way in the back . . . at this time. Dave then reaches behind the desk and pulls out the Larry O’Brien Championship trophy and proclaims, “Well, then, this is for your son, Walker.”
Very touching.
The Boston Celtics . . . out of nowhere . . . . CHAMPIONS! Just like the New York Giants . . . . sorry.
ACT 5: Announce: “Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Jason Bateman; Teri Garr; and singer Keyshia Cole.
The Late Show: Your home for great comedy and tasty cheeseburgers!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6:
Dave says, “In addition, if you can prove the existence of jazz in Utah . . . I’ll add another million to the pot.”
I was hoping Dave would say something about finding professional-quality basketball at Madison Square Garden.
JANE KRAKOWSKI: She’s in the upcoming film, Kit Kittredge: An American Doll. I’ll be all over this movie, having read the books and played with the doll. Kit is a young pre-teen growing up during the Depression. One scene I’m hoping to see is a young boy rolling the rim of a bicycle wheel down the street with a stick. Hopefully he’ll be in overalls without a shirt and no shoes. In my story, Kit will be sweet on him.
Jane took time out from rehearsing “Damn Yankees” to be on the show tonight. It opens July 5th at the City Center in their Encore Series Jane tells stories about life on Broadway and everything that needs to be rehearsed and the excitement of performing Bob Fosse choreography. Dave tries to share in the excitement but has to admit, “I wish I knew more about what you are saying.” Dave says he is familiar with a lot of the references she made but doesn’t quite understand them. Jane apologizes, forgetting for a minute where she was. Sure, we’re on Broadway, but it’s not THAT kind of Broadway.
I know what Dave means. When I heard Jane mention Bob Fosse, all I could think of was the 1970 baseball All-Star game. Wrong Fosse.
From her work on “Damn Yankees,” Jane has learned that she is the worst stripper on earth. . At this point I was no longer thinking of the 1970 baseball All-Star game. She says she was way too nervous and what should have come easy, didn’t. There’s a lot more to it than one would imagine. She’s right. I wouldn’t know what to do with my hands.
Jane tells a nightmarish story of performing in “Guys and Dolls” in London and being heckled by someone in the audience. She stopped sudden, and started conversing with the heckler. Jane knew this was not the way to handle it but since she was leaving the production in two weeks she decided, “What the heck?” After some back and forth, Jane barks, “Take 2” and re-did the scene from the beginning.
“Kit Kittredge: An American Doll” – opens Friday in select cities; July 2nd nationwide.
“Damn Yankees” – opens July 5th at the City Center. 30 Rock – Thursdays on NBC.
ACT 7: MARTHA WAINWRIGHT: From her CD, “I Know You’re Married, But I’ve Got Feelings Too,” Martha Wainwright performed “You Cheated Me.” I enjoyed that and I would buy the CD for the album title alone.
And that was our show for Wednesday June 18, 2008.
New York City is approximately 190 miles from Boston. And that’s the answer to the question: “How close are the Knicks to an NBA Championship?” 190 miles.
I like to pronounce the Boston Celtics with a “K” sound, like Keltics. I believe it’s the correct way to say it. Can anyone enlighten?
Boston Celtics:
- this is their 17th championship; their first since 1986.
- Last season record: 24-58
- This season record: 66-16; the biggest one-year turn around in NBA history.
- Doc Rivers is the head coach. Somehow, Doc Rivers became a much better coach in one year.
And now, My Larry O’Brien NBA Championship Trophy story.
I was in my office. I went downstairs to drop something off. A staffer calls me into his office. He shows me the Larry O’Brien NBA championship trophy. I touch it.
OK, OK, I admit my Larry O’Brien trophy story isn’t nearly as good as my Stanley Cup story.
Did you know you can fit two basketballs through a basketball hoop at the same time? I know Knick fans don’t believe it, but it’s true.
And now My Red Auerbach Story: I was in college in Cortland, New York; late 70s. I was in the library . . . . OK, OK, I wasn’t in the library . . . I was in the Tannery, the on-campus bar. I was sitting with a girl trying to make some time. Another girl approaches with the saddest face. She seemed devastated and was walking around in a daze. I was only slightly familiar with her, having seen her here and there, rarely saying hello. My companion didn’t know her at all. She stops at our table and mumbles, “Did you hear?” I think someone must have died. “No! What?” I blurt. She says, “He canceled. Red Auerbach canceled. He won’t be speaking at the Union tonight.” She continues to mumble something as she walks away.
I look at my bar mate. She looks at me. We both laugh and laugh, wondering if we are missing something.
And that’s my Red Auerbach story.
I’ve been having this hacking cough for the good part of a week now. It’s more annoying than debilitating, but I can’t seem to shake it. And then this past Saturday night, Denise picked up “The Bucket List” starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. And every time I coughed, my girls would get real real nervous.
My favorite line in the movie: Jack Nicholson to Morgan Freeman: “You always have those freckles?”
LATE SHOW ALERT! LATE SHOW ALERT! Friday on the LATE SHOW website is the premiere of the "Late Show Theme," presented in full-length, performed by Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra, directed by Mr. Jerry Foley. I’m not sure of the website address, but I believe it to be www.lateshow.com/lateshow. Check it out right after you read the Wahoo Gazette.
The Wahoo Gazette – where it’s full length every night! SLDSH.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
He’s the William Frawley of the sleight-of-hand magic world, say hello to Brady!
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Al Gore's Electricity Use: "Stop Global Warming" Sign • Dave Dorsett Congratulate Dave's Gay Marriage • George W. Bush In a Nutshell • Boy Who Didn't Get Into a Single College, Joe Grossman • First Video of Fidel Castro Since January • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Barack Obama vs John McCain
ACT 3 • Top Ten Signs You're Drinking Too Much Coffee Read now
