" . . . and now, classic comic book character come to life . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
During the monologue, Dave conducts a Late Show poll.
If the election were held tomorrow, how many here would vote for Barack Obama?
Big applause.
If the election were held tomorrow, how many would vote for John McCain. Not as big applause.
Two weeks ago, McCain would get the biggest response, followed by an equal split between Barack and Hillary. Now that Hillary has dropped out, Barack has picked up most of her supporters and now beats out McCain in the Late Show Applause Poll.
McCain comes in first a 3-person poll but comes in second in a 2-person poll.

Dave went to see the new Batman movie last night, "Dark Prince" . . . . or "Dark Knight." Dave is under strict orders from the makers of the film, Warner Brothers, to not talk about it. So, Dave decides he's going to talk all about it now.
"Dark Knight"
-it's a Batman movie.
-There's no Robin
-There's no Batgirl.
-They have the Bat Signal
-In the end, everyone dies.
-The Batmobile is great, but even better, Batman rides a motorcycle . . . . . without a helmet! His pointed ears work as a protective covering.
-And Heath Ledger as the Joker is great.
-In the movie, you get a lot of "Hey! Hey! Batman!
-And you'd think a guy named "Joker" would like a good joke . . . . uh uh, nope.

Dave gives today's weather conditions. It's a beautiful summer day here in New York City. And since it's the beginning of summer, it's time to unveil our first installment of "Big New Summer Idea!" Out on 53rd Street we find a Slip 'N Slide laid out on the sidewalk. The sprinkler is on. It looks mighty inviting, but unfortunately, a Slip 'N Slide is not something to be used on concrete. Tonight, no one will use the Slip 'N Slide, but it's nice to have around on a summer day like this.
Dave was wise not to allow anyone to splash through the Slip 'N Slide. You should have seen the team of slip and slide lawyers milling about just waiting for something to happen.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
I missed it. Something about "where we've been through." Did I get that right?

ACT 2: It's a little Late Show comparison between Barack Obama vs. John McCain.
-John McCain: Frequently consults with General Petraeus.
-Barack Obama: Frequently "consults" with Scarlett Johansson.
-SFX: Boing! Dave tells us that each joke will be followed by an hilarious sound effect.

-Barack Obama: Was introduced to Americans at the 2004 Democratic Convention.
-John McCain: Was introduced to American when the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock
-SFX: Mooooo

-John McCain: Not endorsed by Al Gore
-Barack Obama: Endorsed by Al Gore in exchange for a tray of eclairs
-SFX: foghorn

Dave loves eclairs. Before the show, he was discussing eclairs with a woman upstairs. She didn't like eclairs that much.
How about cream puffs? Nope.
Glazed Yeast Doughnuts? Never heard of them.
Cake doughnuts? Yes, she liked them. Ahhh, common ground.

-Barack Obama: has spent $6.8 million on the internet
-John McCain: has spent $1.9 million on the Pony Express
-SFX - alarm clock. Paul says he will add a "whoooooo" following each sound effect, promising to be careful not to step on the SFX

-Barack Obama: makes people think of JFK
-John McCain: makes people think of AARP
-SFX: auctioneer - I suggest that we should to a Top Ten of things that sound cool when spoken by an auctioneer.

-John McCain: proposed a $300 million prize to anyone would could invent a next-generation car battery
-Barack Obama: proposed a cash prize to get that nutty pastor to shut up
-SFX: rooster

-Barack Obama: things George W. Bush is a moron
-John McCain: pretends he doesn't think George W. Bush is a moron
-SFX: I don't know. I missed it.

-Barack Obama: consistently turns in impressive debate performances
-John McCain; consistently turns in by 9 o'clock
-SFX: biplane

-Barack Obama: accused by some Evangelicals of distorting the Bible
-John McCain: actually in attendance for many events described in the Bible
-SFX: Ping pong

-Barack Obama: Some voters are uncomfortable that his middle name is Hussein
-John McCain: Some voters are uncomfortable that his middle named is Veronica
-SFX: slide whistle

-Barack Obama: vows to never forget where came from
-John McCain: sometimes forgets where he left his keys
-SFX: Barry White - "Oh, baby."

ACT 3:
ABIGAIL BRESLIN: She's Kit Kittredge in the new "Kit Kittredge: An American Girl" movie. I know many of you are out of this American Girl loop. I'm not one of them. I'm right into it. My girls love the American Girl dolls, having more than I can count. And they don't come cheap! The first time I went to buy the dolls, I was told there was a store in the city. Where? On 5th Avenue. "Yikes," I thought, "5th Avenue?" 5th and what? How about 5th Avenue and 50th Street, or 49th Street. Yup, it's only about the most expensive location of real estate in Manhattan. When I got there I was amazed. 4 floors of American Girl dolls! But I have to say, yes the dolls are expensive but my girls made it worth every penny. The hours they played with the dolls, and the amount they learned about American history, made the purchase well worth it. Kit (the Depression) and Molly (World War II) were the first dolls they got. You can read about it in the Wahoo Archives from 2004. Abigail has all the American Girl dolls, too.
What does Abigail like to do in the summer? She's like any other young girl: she likes to hike, swim, sleepovers, swim, and shop. Shop for what? Clothes, shoes, and bags. I don't imagine a 12-year-old boy would have the same answer. Are boys and girls born differently or do we teach them differently? Dave says Abigail that if she likes shopping, he can get her a good deal on a "Slop 'N Slide." Abigail recently spent 4 months in Australia shooting a film. Her mom was with her and her dad and brothers would come visit. One time on their way over for a visit, her brother's two buddies who were traveling with him stopped off at Candlestick Park to watch a San Francisco Giant baseball game. I know it's not called Candlestick Park, but for me, the Giants home field will always by called Candlestick. The two buddies wanted to try to catch Barry Bonds 715th homerun ball. Well, that's just about impossible. But then, someone has to catch it, right? Sure enough, her brother's two friends caught the ball. Fetched them $750,000. It should pay for a lot of California gas.
What was it like in Australia? Fine, except for the bush rats. No no no, not the President's staff . . ..bush rats . . . . creepy critters. She would sometimes find them in her bed.
"Kit Kittredge" opens nationwide July 2nd. Kit grows up in Cincinnati during the Depression and finds work as a newspaper reporter. For some reason, the shooting of the film was outsourced to Toronto instead of being shot in Cincy.
"Kit Kittredge: An American Girl" - I'm halfway there already.

During the commercial break, our Felicia Collins performs a lovely, "To Sir, With Love," made famous by Lulu.

ACT 4:
BARRY SONNENFELD: a delightful raconteur, sprinkling amusingly odd sidebars while telling a tale.
-he has a 15-year-old daughter Chloe who loves to go shopping. So when the family goes on vacation, Barry tries to find a place where there is no place to shop.
-Barry makes a pact with friends and family. If he mentions their name on TV, they have to give him a dollar. Hmmm, that gives me an idea for the Wahoo Gazette.
-Frequent Flyer Miles, also known as Schmuck Club Miles.
-Barry likes to get to the airport painfully early. I do, too, but not 4 hours early like Barry. Barry always plans for the worst.
-The family decided to go to South Africa for vacation. Barry needed to get shots. He's a hypochondriac, so the doctor would not tell him the side-effects of the shots. The doctor knew that Barry would "suffer" every side-effect throughout the vacation.
-While listening to the story, Dave is surprised that Barry's wife never tried to smother him in his sleep.
-While in South Africa, the family went on a safari. They came upon a family of leopards. Barry was happy with the sighting but was eager to move on. The guide insisted they get closer and search for the baby leopards. Barry felt the last thing a mother leopard wants is a bunch of people in a jeep harassing its baby.
-On the safari, Barry feared for his life but was reassured that the guide had a rifle if anything terrible happened. Barry immediately noticed that the rifle was zipped up in a bag. Hopefully, they were dealing with a very slow leopard.
-Barry admits the trip was fantastic, but is a bit leery of saying so out loud. He doesn't want to jinx himself. Life has a way of evening things out.
-When Chloe was just an infant, Barry would sing "Eve of Destruction" to her as a lullaby
-"Space Chimps" - an animated feature produced by Sonnenfeld, opens July 18th.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Hey, America! The Tony Mendez Show is back with an all-new episode! Tune in as Tony Mendez tries to entertain Dave's fans!
Satisfy your comedy craving at www.cbs.com/lateshow.
We'll be right back"

I'm not sure but I think this week's episode of "The Tony Mendez Show" is entitled "Night of the Living Dead."

ACT 7:
TIFT MERRITT: From her CD, "Another Country," Tift Merritt performed "Morning Is My Destination." Very nice.

And that was our show for Wednesday, June 25, 2008.



I was disappointed. Whenever we have someone on the show playing the piano, I always want the hood of the piano up. When the hood is up, I can use my joke: "Do you know why Tift Merritt keeps the lid up on her piano? It's so people won't put their drinks on it."
I can't use the joke when the lid is down. Which begs the question: Why do some people put the hood up on the piano? My guess is the sound from the piano is clearer and less muffled when the hood is up. So why keep it down?

Six shopping months till Christmas.

Have you heard about the new shyness drug? It's supposed to help reduce one's shyness. Heck, I've known about it for years. It comes in 12-ounce cans.

I'm leaning towards something and I really need someone to talk me out of it. It's golf. I'm thinking of re-learning it for the first time. I haven't played a round in at least a decade. Before that, I'd play maybe twice a year. Back in the last century, I'd attend golf outings not only for the drinks afterwards, but for the drinks during. I was never serious about the game. I won one longest drive contest and one closest-to-the-hole competition in my years of playing but each was more due to luck than skill; my luck being I was playing with golfers who weren't that good either. I've been watching some golf on TV recently and this ridiculous thought is seeping in to my brain: "I can do that." Can I really do what I see on TV? Sure, but not all the time. In fact, maybe I could do it once in my 115 shots on a day of golf. But if I can do it once, why not twice? And then three times. And then 10, 20, and then 30 times a round? It's like that guy in the beginning of "Planet of the Apes" who finds a little piece of vegetation on an otherwise desert planet. He reasoned if there was one sprig, there must be another somewhere, and if there was another, there must be a whole forest of vegetation just around the corner. That's what golf is like. Make a good chip shot on the 7th hole and you feel a birdie is lurking just around the corner.

Senator Hillary Clinton has made her return to Capitol Hill. I don't know how New York got along without her.
How are you doing, Arizona?
How about you, Illinois?

And now it's time for "LATE NIGHT THE DAY THEY WERE BORN."
Abigail Breslin was born April 14, 1996. So, what happened on Late Night the day Abigail Breslin was born? I don't know; you'll have to ask Conan. But what happened on the Late Show the day Abigail was born?
April 14, 1996; Show #609 - Guests: Kelsey Grammer; and Ozzy Osborne. Bob Dole has gone nuts (naked guy on teeter-totter vt); Dave gives an air freshener to a taxi cab driver on Broadway; Manny reviews "The Cable Guy"; Kelsey Grammer sings the Star Spangled Banner; and the top ten is brought in by a guy on in-line skates.
And that's what happened on the Late Show the day Abigail Breslin was born. The Wahoo Gazette was still 5 months away.

I don't know. . . . has Hillary thanked New Yorkers for allowing her to busy herself looking for another job while we paid her a full salary as United States Senator of New York? A little "thank you" would be nice.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Norristown, Pennsylvania, it's Ted McKenna
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER