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Monday, July 28, 2008
Show #2961
By Michael Z. McIntee Change Text Color:
Black | White


Gillian Anderson; Simon Pegg; and We Are Scientists.
PLUS: A Strange Noise in Green Bay; McCain's and Barack's Social Security Plan; a CBS News Interrupt; Al Gore's Challenge; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; and Small Town News.

" . . . and now, tight--lipped sous--chef . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
During the monologue, Dave took another of his insta--polls. If the election were held tomorrow, who would you vote for? Tonight's audience heavily favored Barack Obama. Obama usually wins, but not by this wide of margin.

Something happened during the monologue that's never happened to Dave in his 27 years of doing shows. Dave makes his entrance and is greeted by wild applause. (No, that's not the part that's never happened. . . . I'm getting to it.) During the interlude, Tony "Cue Cards" whispers to Dave, "I'm missing a few cards." Huh? Dave said Tony didn't seem too alarmed so Dave felt he shouldn't either. "If Tony's OK with it, I'm OK with it." There was a gaping hole between jokes 3, 4, and 5. When the time came, Tony simply whispered the jokes to Dave. And it went off pretty well. This opens a whole new can of worms. Maybe we should do this every night. Instead of cue cards, Tony could just whisper the jokes to Dave. Paul chimes, "It's the ‘green' way to go!" Dave agrees, then makes a masterful segue . . .
"Speaking of ‘green'" . . . Have you heard about the Green Bay couple who for over 2 years haven't been able to find the source of an annoying noise in their home? We see this report. Announcer: "For the last two years, Bob and Leona Ehrfurth from Green Bay have been unable to find an annoying noise in their home. City officials, acoustic experts, and scientists have all looked into the problem but haven't been able to find a solution. OH, forget it. Leona just remembered she left the TV on in the basement."
(Cut to shot of a TV showing an episode of "The View)
"'The View' – annoying America since 1997."

Barack Obama has announced his plan for Social Security. As you'd expect, Republicans are criticizing it, but Dave isn't sure John McCain's plan is much better. We take a look.
Announce: "Barack Obama plans to maintain the 6.2% Social Security tax rate for earned income up to $102,000, wile placing an additional tax to 2 to 4% on earned income above $250,000. John McCain plans to save his Social Security checks until he has enough money to buy one of them metal detectors so he can find coins at the beach."

Suddenly, we are interrupted by a CBS News Special Report.
Announce: "This is a CBS News Special Report. Here is the answer to last night's riddle.
May is the shortest month, because it only has three letters.
This has been a CBS News Special Report. We now return you to The CBS Olympic Preview: Countdown to Berlin, already in progress."

Al Gore has issued a challenge for all of our electricity to come from environmentally friendly resources by 2018. Here's the official announcement. Still--shot of Al Gore.
Gore voiceover, as if with a mouthful of food: "As we face mankind's greatest crisis ever, I challenge America within ten years to meet all of its electricity needs through sources such as solar, wind, and geothermal power. It won't be easy, but together, I believe we can preserve the planet for ourselves and our children. . . . (yelling) .. . . would it kill you people to get more caramels?"

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES:
It's a classic.
President Bush: "If it feels good, do it. If you have a problem, blame somebody else."

ACT 2:
Dave received some sad news the other night. Paul called him on Saturday to inform him that Hiram Bullock passed away on Friday. Hiram played guitar on Late Night from 1982--1984 as a member of Paul Shaffer's World's Most Dangerous Band. Paul raves that not since Hendrix has there been such a guitarist. Although Hiram was only with Late Night for 2 years, we were always proud of his association with the show.
Hiram Bullock: 1955--2008.

SMALL TOWN NEWS – Dave warns that last week during Small Town News, a lady laughed so hard she cracked a sternum. If you have a weak sternum, please consult your doctor before viewing Small Town News.

-- THE INTELLIGENCER JOURNAL (LANCASTER, PENNSYLVANIA): "FIRE DESTROYS TRUCK FULL OF EXTINGUISHERS"

-- THE ROCHESTER TIMES (ROCHESTER, NEW HAMPSHIRE): "FEMA PROBE REVEALS RAIN CAUSED FLOODS"

-- THE CALISTOGA TRIBUNE (CALISTOGA, CALIFORNIA): "AN OFFICER DISCOVERED A SUBJECT RUNNING DOWN THE STREET COMPLETELY NUDE. HE WAS DETAINED BY POLICE. HAVING NO EXTRA CLOTHING TO GIVE THE SUBJECT, HE MADE USE OF AN ORANGE TRAFFIC CONE."

-- THE TONKAWA NEWS (TONKAWA, OKLAHOMA): "POLICE ACTIVITY. 11:06 A.M.--REPORT OF AN INTOXICATED ARMADILLO."

-- THE VINCENNES SUN COMMERCIAL (VINCENNES, INDIANA): "MR. AND MRS. HAROLD GRUBB CELEBRATED THEIR 25TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEPTEMBER 4TH. THE LATE PATRICIA RAY AND THE LATE EDWARD L. GRUBB ATTENDED THE CEREMONY."

-- THE TRIBUNE (QUEEN CREEK, ARIZONA): "WHAT MESA POLICE BELIEVED WAS A FAMILY FIGHT TURNED OUT TO BE A ONE--MAN INCIDENT. OFFICERS FOUND A 21--YEAR--OLD MAN IN THE APARTMENT ALONE. HE WAS ARGUING WITH HIMSELF AND CHANGED THE PITCH OF HIS VOICE AS HE ACTED OUT EACH PART."

-- THE GRANT COUNTY JOURNAL (EPRATA, WASHINGTON): A CLASSIFIED AD: "CEMETARY PLOT: FRONT ROW VIEW"

-- A BROCHURE FOR THE NORTH PRESTON FARMER'S CLUB 9TH ANNUAL FALL FESTIVAL (BRUCETON MILLS, WEST VIRGINIA): "A WHOLE LINE--UP OF FUN FOR FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT. ANTIQUE TRACTOR DISPLAY. EDUCATIONAL EXHIBITS. SIMULATED LEG AMPUTATIONS."

And that was Small Town News. How's your sternum?

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: Ways John McCain Can Appear More Youthful.
9. Instead of Lincoln, pepper speech with quotes from Brody Jenner.
8. Get his Miracle Ear pierced.
3. Change name of ‘Straight Talk Express' to ‘J--Dawg's Booty Wagon.'

GILLIAN ANDERSON
Gillian is the mom to two children, with another on the way in about 3 months.
Gillian Anderson was on the show 6 years ago and who can forget that visit? It was "Make--Out City." Dave doesn't seem too proud of his behavior that night, believing he took advantage of Ms. Anderson. From what I remember, it was a mutual admiration society meeting that night. Gillian says she was disappointed afterwards; "You didn't write; you didn't call . . ." We take a look at the smooch from 6 years back . . . YOWZA! I'm surprised she wasn't booked again for the next day. Check out how I reported the incident in the Wahoo Archives: May 10, 2002.
Gillian says she once met Bill Clinton and was very impressed at how he meets and greets someone. She was at a party and it was announced that President Clinton was about to show up. Everyone stood in line to make the greeting. Gillian says he looks you deep in the eyes, shakes your hand, and the touches your arm with his other hand. And then he continues on to the next person, but will look back at you as if something just "happened" between you; a knowing glance, like, "Yeah, I felt it, too." Gillian went back to her room that night expecting a phone call. None came. Gillian now realizes he does that to everyone. Everyone walks away after meeting him that something "happened" between the two. He's an expert at that. So, what's Gillian been up to? She says soon after the Late Show kiss, she moved to London. Wow. That must be an ego--killer for Dave. Dave is curious what kind of paper work is involved when moving out of the country. Gillian says she has to go to the consulate real soon to renew her visa. There are various types of status you can claim in order to live abroad as a non--citizen. She says she is listed as a "highly skilled migrant."
Gillian Anderson's new film, The X--Files: I Want To Believe is in theaters now.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show; Kevin Costner, Comedian Bob Sarlatte, and musical group Low vs Diamond. The Late Show! Now available in easy to swallow tablets! We'll be right back."

ACT 6
SIMON PEGG
He wrote and starred in the British television series, Spaced, which is now available on DVD. It was a very popular cult series back in the late 90s and early naughts. Simon's character on Spaced was a huge Gillian Anderson ‘Scully' fan. His character would fantasize about her and would often . . . .uhhhh. . . . .spend "alone time" which would include a "one--man incident." Jump ahead to a year ago. Simon and Gillian were about to work together in an upcoming film. Simon spoke to the director, Bob Weide, and begged him never to mention his character's infatuation with Gillian Anderson from 10 years ago. Bob agreed. But at the first chance, Bob brought up the subject. Simon was mortified. Dave wondered why, since Simon was only playing a character in "Spaced." Apparently, it was autobiographical in parts. Simon says it was one of him most embarrassing moments in his life and is still angry at the director for breaking the "man code."
Simon is excited to have gotten the part to play "Scotty" in the next Star Trek film. He realizes the impossible task of filling the shoes of the recently departed James Doohan and hopes to do it justice. When it comes to Star Trek, people first think of Kirk and Spock, and then Scotty. I'm not much the Sci--Fi guy. When I think of Star Trek, I think of Kirk, Spock, and then Will Robinson.

ACT 7:
WE ARE SCIENTISTS: From their CD, "Brain Thrust Mastery," We Are Scientists performed "After Hours."

And that was our show for Monday July 28, 2008.




China is gearing up for the Summer Olympics in a couple weeks. They’ve been concerned about the air pollution and have been working hard to reduce it for when the world comes to visit. I went on the weather channel website to see how things are going out there and I read this: the air quality in Beijing today is rated as “Chewy.”

I thought of that ‘air quality/chewy’ joke on my way in to work this morning, but then there was something way back in the corner of my brain that told me I heard this joke before. Is it an original, or is it borrowed? I’m not sure.

Alright, let’s stop the dilly-dallying. I went to see Bruce Springsteen at Giants Stadium Sunday night. Boy, oh boy, everyone else in the music business should just quit. Everybody else is just ‘make pretend’ when compared to Mr. Springsteen. His opening 5 songs were like an encore; great songs, great energy, great jubilation up on stage and in the crowd. So much fun. I was sitting about a half mile away in the upper deck and Bruce looked no bigger than a pencil eraser on Dave’s desk, but he filled the stadium. He makes every song look like a celebration. He opened with "10th Avenue Freeze Out" and he performed it as if it were brand new. The crowd was in a roar from start to finish.
Great show, great night.
But why were there so many old people there? There were people in their 50s going to the concert!
Oh, yeah, I forgot. I’m 50.

I thought of this while watching Bruce:
Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band.
Yankee Stadium.
The night after the election.

Hold it! Hold it! I decided to Google my “air quality/chewy” joke from above to see if anything came up. I felt it was too familiar to be something I just made up. And what did I find in my Google search? From the June 26, 2002 Wahoo Gazette:
“The weather in New York today was dreadful. Hazy, hot, heavy, and humid. I didn't realize how bad it was until I heard the weather report listing today's air quality as ‘chewy.’” WHOA! I’m stealing from myself now? The joke is 6 years old, and by reading the entire issue of that Wahoo, I see I’m still telling the same stories, too.
Hey! Did you read Phil Mushnick’s column in Monday’s "New York Post"? Mr. Mushnick has a sports column which covers not so much the game itself, but how the game is reported and presented to the fan. And guess who got a mention? Yup, moi. Check it out: www.nypost.com.
Click on ‘Sports.’ Click on ‘columnists.’ Click on ‘Mushnick.’ Look for “Greed’s Name of This Game.”
I got a mention. Pretty cool. Now I know how you feel when you get a Cameo Mention of a Wahoo Reader.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Floral Park, Long Island, it’s Suzanne McDonough.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
ACT 1
• Show Open
• Dave's Monologue
 Watch now
• Green Bay Couple Make Noise
• Social Security Plan
• CBS News Interrupt
• Gore Challenge
• Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2
• Small Town News
ACT 3
• Top Ten Ways John McCain Can Appear More Youthful
 Read now

• Gillian Anderson
 Watch now
ACT 4
• More with Gillian Anderson
ACT 5
• Audience Shot & Guest Plug
ACT 6
• Simon Pegg
ACT 7
• We Are Scientists perform "After Hours"
• Show Close

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