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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Pamela Anderson; James Franco; and Atmosphere. PLUS:Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Annoying Word of the Night; a Dog Running for Mayor; Mexican Bathtub Cheese; Christmas in July; a Top Ten List; and a Woman Wonders if We Are in a Commercial Break.
COLD OPEN: Old footage from some kind of PSA. A guy in glasses at a desk introduces an unrehearsed symposium entitled "Public Relations Films for Television, School, and Theaters."
" . . . and now, killing machine from the future . . . . . David Letterman.
ACT 1:
Following the monologue, Dave introduced "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches"
We see our President at a podium and he says, "I met an onion grower today at the airport when I arrived and he said, 'You gotta help me find people to pull onions.' Or pluck 'em, or whatever you do with 'em."
ACT 2:
Earlier this afternoon, Dave heard something very very annoying. It inspired this:
And now, it's time for the "Annoying Word of the Night." We see clips from various news shows of news anchors and reporters and commentators each saying "Veepstakes."
"Veepstakes" -- Dave says if you were the first to come up with this word, 'Veepstakes,' then fine. Use it, it's yours. Whoop-dee-doo. But it shouldn't go any further. There is no need for everyone to jump on it and pretend they are being clever and original. "Veepstakes" . . . . sheesh.
Dave throws the blue card through the window behind him and we hear, "Ol' Turkey Buzzard," as requested by someone in our audience during the pre-show Q&A.
I checked Wikipedia. They claim the origin of "Veepstakes" dates back to 1988 in the Hotline political newsletter.
A dog is running for mayor in the town of Fairhope, Alabama. It seemed like a cute idea at first, but things are starting to get ugly. We watch. Announce: "Willie Bean (dog) says you can trust him to lead Fairhope, Alabama as its mayor, but consider the facts. When asked at a town hall meeting last April how he planned to ease downtown traffic congestion, the candidate said, 'ruff ruff, ruff ruff ruff.' But when asked the same question last week, he said 'grrr grrrrrr grrrr, grr grrrrrrr.'
Well, which is it, Willie Bean?
Paid for by the committee to elect Mittens." (photo of a turtle).
There have been some cases of TB reported in the United States that are believed to come from . . . . . . . Mexican bathtub cheese. That's right, Mexican bathtub cheese. Cheese made in a bathtub in Mexico. We take a look at this announcement. Announce: "Has your family been disappointed by the Mexican bathtub cheese you've been buying? Well, check out . . . . Kraft's Mexican Bathtub Cheese!
Kraft painstakingly selects each Mexican bathtub we use to make sure your Mexican bathtub cheese is the best Mexican bathtub cheese. Don't be fooled by other so-called Mexican bathtub cheeses. Only when you bite into the Kraft cheese taste do you know you're eating something made in a Mexican bathtub.
Kraft --- like eating in a Mexican bathtub."
Biff enters in a Santa suit carrying a bag full of gifts. He is singing "Jingle Bells." He stops at Dave's desk and takes out a small Christmas tree and places it on the desk. DAVE: "Biff, what are you doing?"
Biff: "Dave, it's Christmas in July!" DAVE: "Yeah, but we don't do that here. That's the kind of thing you see on Regis." Biff: "So much for big summer ideas." Biff turns to leave. "Why you always riding me, man?" Exits.
TOP TEN: Opening animation is the space shuttle flying through the streets of Manhattan. Dave says the shuttle used to land in the city, but the noise resulted in too many complaints from the citizenry. Plus, it sucked the manhole covers right out of the manholes. Paul interjects, "Are you talking about the shuttle or Pamela Anderson?" Big response from the audience. After a moment, Dave says "If you listen closely, you can hear Pamela Anderson getting into a cab." Paul explains the Pamela has a great sense of humor about such things, and then apologizes for the crude, but funny, remark.
TOP TEN: Jerry Lewis Excuses 10. "Rehearsing for my new film, 'The Nutty Terrorist.'"
9. "Haven't been myself since Lindsay Lohan went lesbian." 4. "How else do I open those airline peanuts?" Still a reference, people!
ACT 3: PAMELA ANDERSON
Married? Not married? We recount Pamela's marriages: 1. Tommy Leeeeeeee 2. Bob "Kid Rock" 3. someone she is not allowed to talk about.
Pamela says she likes weddings but is not so hot on marriages. She remains friends with Tommy Leeeeeee, who is currently on tour. She admits they get along much better when Tommy is on the road.
Dave asks what Pamela knows about what happened at some award show between Tommy Leeeeee and Kid Rock when everyone was Kung Fu fighting. Pamela quickly claims she was not there and it didn't involve her. Same here. I wasn't there and it didn't involve me either.
Last summer, Pamela took a job as a magician's assistant to Hans Klok in his Vegas show, "The Beauty of Magic." Pamela is a big fan of magic and she had great fun working as an assistant. Dave knows something about magic and claims the secret to 90% of all tricks is . . . . twins. Pamela gently denies that this is the case, at least with Hans Klok.
Pamela has been on the cover of the Entertainment for Men magazine, "Playboy," more than anyone else. She says her sons are now of the age where they are aware of such a magazine. It's no big deal. She is very comfortable with being naked and often ambles around the house that way. The kids are used to it.
Pamela is the subject of a new E! channel program entitled, "Pam: Girl On The Loose." Hopefully, it follows her as she ambles around the house. It premieres this Sunday at 10:00 PM on E!.
ACT 4:
Dave isn't quite sure how things went with Pamela Anderson. He felt as if he was going around and around and around the airport but never getting anywhere; never getting to where he wanted to go. Dave's effort was there, but he's afraid the results were not.
Dave then hears some yelling from the audience. A woman tries to get Dave's attention.
Woman: "Excuse me, Dave! Dave! Excuse me! Dave! Dave! Excuse me!" DAVE: "I think someone in the audience has a question. Yes, ma'am."
The woman in the audience stands. Woman: "Are we in a commercial?" DAVE: "Uhhh, no. This is the show." Woman: "How long until the next commercial break?" DAVE: "I don't know . . . a few minutes, I guess." Woman: "Well, do me a favor and let me know when we're in a commercial break. My husband needs to use the restroom."
(we see a shot of the woman's husband. He does look like he needs to use the restroom.) DAVE: "That's so unpleasant. I'll let you know." Woman: "Great. Keep wowin' us with your zingers, pencil-neck."
Dave goes back to billboarding the show. Coming up later, musical group, Atmosphere.
Woman in audience: "Dave? Oh, Dave! Dave!" DAVE: "Yes, ma'am." Woman: "Does the show get any better?" DAVE: "Not tonight."
Woman, to her husband: "We're gonna go now. Let's go, Richard."
Woman and her husband exit.
ACT 5: Announce: "Hey, America! The Tony Mendez Show is back with an all-new episode! Tune is as Tony's elevator ride with the Late Show interns turns deadly. Satisfy your comedy craving at www.cbs.com/lateshow.
We'll be right back."
ACT 6 JAMES FRANCO
From the film, Pineapple Express. This is James' first time here and only his 2nd time on a talk show. The other show he's done? "The Tony Danza Show." James was on to promote a movie he'd rather not mention. He played a boxer. Tony Danza, a former boxer himself, challenged James to a push-up contest. James didn't think much of the idea. Instead they played some kind of game where they tried to throw a ring onto a hook. Ever since, James has felt a bit uncomfortable to do a talk show. And then James says it didn't help when that woman earlier in the show asked if the show was going to get any better and Dave said, "No." Oh, nice job, James. Very funny call back.
How did James get into show business? He went to UCLA, but then left after a year to try his hand at acting. Of course, his parents were not at all happy about that and cut off their financial support. James took a job at McDonald's in the drive-thru. While there, he practiced accents on the drive-up customers. James bashfully performs his Italian and Irish accent while speaking McDonald-eze. And now that he's making a living in show business, his entire family, who had been against the pipe-dream, now dabble in it. His mom works with a comedy group called, "Suburban Squirrel," his dad works as an extra, and his brother is acting as well. Not quite the Barrymore's, but it's a start.
James' new film, Pineapple Express, opens Wednesday, August 6th. Movies usually open on a Friday, but I suspect "Pineapple" doesn't want to open against the Olympic opening ceremonies on the 8th. Just a guess. I really have no idea.
ACT 7: ATMOSPHERE: From their album, "When Life Gives You Lemons," Atmosphere performed "You."
We see the same guy from the Cold Open closing the show with a message.
And that was our show for Wednesday July 30, 2008.
My earthquake story. It was probably about 15 years ago. I was laid up in bed with my bad knee. I was half asleep. I then felt the slightest rumble . . . the slightest, but it was enough for me to take a peek at the clock just to see what time it was. I thought nothing more of it. Later that day, there was a report of a small earthquake in upstate New York, but was said to be too small to be felt in New York City. But it happened at the exact time I checked the clock that morning. I felt it. Somehow I was the only person in New York City to feel it.
What’s the Green Bay Packers up to with Brett Favre? The quarterback retired, unretired, retired, and then unretired again. Meanwhile, the Packers moved on. Now that Brett wants back in, Green Bay doesn’t know what to do with him. Favre wants to play for the Packers, but if not them, then preferably with the Minnesota Vikings. Green Bay doesn’t want him to go to a team in their division and are not sure how to proceed. My guess: if the Green Bay Packers don’t keep Favre, they’ll keep him hanging around as long as possible, making it inconvenient for another team to pick him up just before the start of the season.
It is rumored the New York Jets want Brett Favre, even though they already have two quarterbacks, and the Packers would be happy to trade him there. Here’s what I would do if I were the Jets:
1. trade for Brett Favre for a draft pick.
2. trade him to the Minnesota Vikings for two draft picks.
Can I blame Col. Tom Parker for selling “Viva Las Vegas” to Viagra?
Thursday on the LATE SHOW, performance artist and Master of the Unusual Michel Lauziere. Coincidentally, that’s also the air quality in Beijing today.
Are you excited for the Olympics? Back in the day, the Olympics were huge. I knew all the top competitors for the U.S. in track and field. Today? I know not a one.
I tend to like events where the winner isn’t determined subjectively by a judge. It’s probably why I like the track and field events more than gymnastics (is gymnastics winter or summer?)
My best Olympic memory ever was Dave Wottle winning the 800 meters at the 1972 Summer Olympics. Still gives me chills. Check it out on YouTube. Wottle’s the guy in the white golf cap in the back.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Knoxville, Tennessee, it’s Casey Collins.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Pamela Anderson; James Franco; and Atmosphere. PLUS:Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Annoying Word of the Night; a Dog Running for Mayor; Mexican Bathtub Cheese; Christmas in July; a Top Ten List; and a Woman Wonders if We Are in a Commercial Break.
COLD OPEN: Old footage from some kind of PSA. A guy in glasses at a desk introduces an unrehearsed symposium entitled "Public Relations Films for Television, School, and Theaters."
" . . . and now, killing machine from the future . . . . . David Letterman.
ACT 1:
Following the monologue, Dave introduced "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches"
We see our President at a podium and he says, "I met an onion grower today at the airport when I arrived and he said, 'You gotta help me find people to pull onions.' Or pluck 'em, or whatever you do with 'em."
ACT 2:
Earlier this afternoon, Dave heard something very very annoying. It inspired this:
And now, it's time for the "Annoying Word of the Night." We see clips from various news shows of news anchors and reporters and commentators each saying "Veepstakes."
"Veepstakes" -- Dave says if you were the first to come up with this word, 'Veepstakes,' then fine. Use it, it's yours. Whoop-dee-doo. But it shouldn't go any further. There is no need for everyone to jump on it and pretend they are being clever and original. "Veepstakes" . . . . sheesh.
Dave throws the blue card through the window behind him and we hear, "Ol' Turkey Buzzard," as requested by someone in our audience during the pre-show Q&A.
I checked Wikipedia. They claim the origin of "Veepstakes" dates back to 1988 in the Hotline political newsletter.
A dog is running for mayor in the town of Fairhope, Alabama. It seemed like a cute idea at first, but things are starting to get ugly. We watch. Announce: "Willie Bean (dog) says you can trust him to lead Fairhope, Alabama as its mayor, but consider the facts. When asked at a town hall meeting last April how he planned to ease downtown traffic congestion, the candidate said, 'ruff ruff, ruff ruff ruff.' But when asked the same question last week, he said 'grrr grrrrrr grrrr, grr grrrrrrr.'
Well, which is it, Willie Bean?
Paid for by the committee to elect Mittens." (photo of a turtle).
There have been some cases of TB reported in the United States that are believed to come from . . . . . . . Mexican bathtub cheese. That's right, Mexican bathtub cheese. Cheese made in a bathtub in Mexico. We take a look at this announcement. Announce: "Has your family been disappointed by the Mexican bathtub cheese you've been buying? Well, check out . . . . Kraft's Mexican Bathtub Cheese!
Kraft painstakingly selects each Mexican bathtub we use to make sure your Mexican bathtub cheese is the best Mexican bathtub cheese. Don't be fooled by other so-called Mexican bathtub cheeses. Only when you bite into the Kraft cheese taste do you know you're eating something made in a Mexican bathtub.
Kraft --- like eating in a Mexican bathtub."
Biff enters in a Santa suit carrying a bag full of gifts. He is singing "Jingle Bells." He stops at Dave's desk and takes out a small Christmas tree and places it on the desk. DAVE: "Biff, what are you doing?"
Biff: "Dave, it's Christmas in July!" DAVE: "Yeah, but we don't do that here. That's the kind of thing you see on Regis." Biff: "So much for big summer ideas." Biff turns to leave. "Why you always riding me, man?" Exits.
TOP TEN: Opening animation is the space shuttle flying through the streets of Manhattan. Dave says the shuttle used to land in the city, but the noise resulted in too many complaints from the citizenry. Plus, it sucked the manhole covers right out of the manholes. Paul interjects, "Are you talking about the shuttle or Pamela Anderson?" Big response from the audience. After a moment, Dave says "If you listen closely, you can hear Pamela Anderson getting into a cab." Paul explains the Pamela has a great sense of humor about such things, and then apologizes for the crude, but funny, remark.
TOP TEN: Jerry Lewis Excuses 10. "Rehearsing for my new film, 'The Nutty Terrorist.'"
9. "Haven't been myself since Lindsay Lohan went lesbian." 4. "How else do I open those airline peanuts?" Still a reference, people!
ACT 3: PAMELA ANDERSON
Married? Not married? We recount Pamela's marriages: 1. Tommy Leeeeeeee 2. Bob "Kid Rock" 3. someone she is not allowed to talk about.
Pamela says she likes weddings but is not so hot on marriages. She remains friends with Tommy Leeeeeee, who is currently on tour. She admits they get along much better when Tommy is on the road.
Dave asks what Pamela knows about what happened at some award show between Tommy Leeeeee and Kid Rock when everyone was Kung Fu fighting. Pamela quickly claims she was not there and it didn't involve her. Same here. I wasn't there and it didn't involve me either.
Last summer, Pamela took a job as a magician's assistant to Hans Klok in his Vegas show, "The Beauty of Magic." Pamela is a big fan of magic and she had great fun working as an assistant. Dave knows something about magic and claims the secret to 90% of all tricks is . . . . twins. Pamela gently denies that this is the case, at least with Hans Klok.
Pamela has been on the cover of the Entertainment for Men magazine, "Playboy," more than anyone else. She says her sons are now of the age where they are aware of such a magazine. It's no big deal. She is very comfortable with being naked and often ambles around the house that way. The kids are used to it.
Pamela is the subject of a new E! channel program entitled, "Pam: Girl On The Loose." Hopefully, it follows her as she ambles around the house. It premieres this Sunday at 10:00 PM on E!.
ACT 4:
Dave isn't quite sure how things went with Pamela Anderson. He felt as if he was going around and around and around the airport but never getting anywhere; never getting to where he wanted to go. Dave's effort was there, but he's afraid the results were not.
Dave then hears some yelling from the audience. A woman tries to get Dave's attention.
Woman: "Excuse me, Dave! Dave! Excuse me! Dave! Dave! Excuse me!" DAVE: "I think someone in the audience has a question. Yes, ma'am."
The woman in the audience stands. Woman: "Are we in a commercial?" DAVE: "Uhhh, no. This is the show." Woman: "How long until the next commercial break?" DAVE: "I don't know . . . a few minutes, I guess." Woman: "Well, do me a favor and let me know when we're in a commercial break. My husband needs to use the restroom."
(we see a shot of the woman's husband. He does look like he needs to use the restroom.) DAVE: "That's so unpleasant. I'll let you know." Woman: "Great. Keep wowin' us with your zingers, pencil-neck."
Dave goes back to billboarding the show. Coming up later, musical group, Atmosphere.
Woman in audience: "Dave? Oh, Dave! Dave!" DAVE: "Yes, ma'am." Woman: "Does the show get any better?" DAVE: "Not tonight."
Woman, to her husband: "We're gonna go now. Let's go, Richard."
Woman and her husband exit.
ACT 5: Announce: "Hey, America! The Tony Mendez Show is back with an all-new episode! Tune is as Tony's elevator ride with the Late Show interns turns deadly. Satisfy your comedy craving at www.cbs.com/lateshow.
We'll be right back."
ACT 6 JAMES FRANCO
From the film, Pineapple Express. This is James' first time here and only his 2nd time on a talk show. The other show he's done? "The Tony Danza Show." James was on to promote a movie he'd rather not mention. He played a boxer. Tony Danza, a former boxer himself, challenged James to a push-up contest. James didn't think much of the idea. Instead they played some kind of game where they tried to throw a ring onto a hook. Ever since, James has felt a bit uncomfortable to do a talk show. And then James says it didn't help when that woman earlier in the show asked if the show was going to get any better and Dave said, "No." Oh, nice job, James. Very funny call back.
How did James get into show business? He went to UCLA, but then left after a year to try his hand at acting. Of course, his parents were not at all happy about that and cut off their financial support. James took a job at McDonald's in the drive-thru. While there, he practiced accents on the drive-up customers. James bashfully performs his Italian and Irish accent while speaking McDonald-eze. And now that he's making a living in show business, his entire family, who had been against the pipe-dream, now dabble in it. His mom works with a comedy group called, "Suburban Squirrel," his dad works as an extra, and his brother is acting as well. Not quite the Barrymore's, but it's a start.
James' new film, Pineapple Express, opens Wednesday, August 6th. Movies usually open on a Friday, but I suspect "Pineapple" doesn't want to open against the Olympic opening ceremonies on the 8th. Just a guess. I really have no idea.
ACT 7: ATMOSPHERE: From their album, "When Life Gives You Lemons," Atmosphere performed "You."
We see the same guy from the Cold Open closing the show with a message.
And that was our show for Wednesday July 30, 2008.
My earthquake story. It was probably about 15 years ago. I was laid up in bed with my bad knee. I was half asleep. I then felt the slightest rumble . . . the slightest, but it was enough for me to take a peek at the clock just to see what time it was. I thought nothing more of it. Later that day, there was a report of a small earthquake in upstate New York, but was said to be too small to be felt in New York City. But it happened at the exact time I checked the clock that morning. I felt it. Somehow I was the only person in New York City to feel it.
What’s the Green Bay Packers up to with Brett Favre? The quarterback retired, unretired, retired, and then unretired again. Meanwhile, the Packers moved on. Now that Brett wants back in, Green Bay doesn’t know what to do with him. Favre wants to play for the Packers, but if not them, then preferably with the Minnesota Vikings. Green Bay doesn’t want him to go to a team in their division and are not sure how to proceed. My guess: if the Green Bay Packers don’t keep Favre, they’ll keep him hanging around as long as possible, making it inconvenient for another team to pick him up just before the start of the season.
It is rumored the New York Jets want Brett Favre, even though they already have two quarterbacks, and the Packers would be happy to trade him there. Here’s what I would do if I were the Jets:
1. trade for Brett Favre for a draft pick.
2. trade him to the Minnesota Vikings for two draft picks.
Can I blame Col. Tom Parker for selling “Viva Las Vegas” to Viagra?
Thursday on the LATE SHOW, performance artist and Master of the Unusual Michel Lauziere. Coincidentally, that’s also the air quality in Beijing today.
Are you excited for the Olympics? Back in the day, the Olympics were huge. I knew all the top competitors for the U.S. in track and field. Today? I know not a one.
I tend to like events where the winner isn’t determined subjectively by a judge. It’s probably why I like the track and field events more than gymnastics (is gymnastics winter or summer?)
My best Olympic memory ever was Dave Wottle winning the 800 meters at the 1972 Summer Olympics. Still gives me chills. Check it out on YouTube. Wottle’s the guy in the white golf cap in the back.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Knoxville, Tennessee, it’s Casey Collins.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Annoying Word of the Night: "Veepstakes" • Dog Running For Mayor • Mexican Bathtub Cheese • Christmas in July • Top Ten Jerry Lewis Excuses Read now
