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Monday, August 25, 2008
Show #2971
By Michael Z. McIntee Change Text Color:
Black | White


Shawn Johnson; Tracy Morgan; and Solange Knowles.
PLUS: Dave's View of the Olympics; "Get To Know Delaware"; an Absent-Minded Cameraman; the MTA's Anti-Groping Campaign; a CBS News Election '08 Update; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and a Top Ten List.

" . . . and now, daredevil welder . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Dave shares a little about himself. He says, "If there is one thing people know about me is this: I hate Communists." But then while watching the Olympics, his feeling began to change. Did you see China's Women's Beach Volleyball team? Dave held up a photo. "Where do I sign up?" he wondered. We see a rear shot of the two women from China. One is patting the other on the tush. "How do I get to be a Commie?" Dave queries.

And Dave has a buddy in the Beijing birthing department. Wow, talk about a job with a lotta overtime! His buddy Larry checked into the ages of the Chinese gymnasts. He found that most of the girls were 3 and 4 years old.

And the single most significant accomplishment in track and field . . .. Dave's favorite event . . . is the high jump. Unfortunately, NBC showed only a few minutes of this event. It's Dave's favorite because it simply involves a guy in shorts . . . or a gal . . . . jumping over a stick. I was disappointed in myself when Dave was approaching the mention of his favorite Olympic sport. I should have recalled that back on September 28, 2000, Dave spoke similarly about the high jump in the Olympics. As I played along, I was blurting "Discus" "Javelin" and "the triple jump." When Dave said "High Jump," I smacked my head in anger.
I like the track and field events. The winners and losers are based solely on an objective score. There is no judging. There is no place for "pretty points" in track and field. Dave makes a plea to the producers of the LATE SHOW to get some high jumpers on the show to perform their talent out on 53rd Street.

ACT 2:
Democratic Vice President candidate Joe Biden hails from the great state of Delaware. We thought we'd give everyone a closer look at what may be the home of our next Vice President.
Art card: "Get To Know Delaware"
Announce: " Delaware is a state . . . . . . . . . This has been ‘Get To Know Delaware.'"
Art card: "Get To Know Delaware."
We then notice the camera shot has dropped low. We can't see Dave; we can only see the desk at which he sits. What's going on? We see the camera operator, Dave Dorsett, busy reading a newspaper, paying no attention to the show. Dave the host asks, "Excuse me, Dave, we're in the middle of the show."
Dorsett: "Yeah, but NBC is showing the Olympics. It's not like anyone's watching this crap."
DAVE: "That may be so, but the Olympics are over."
Dorsett: "Oh. I guess people are watching this crap."

Groping has become a huge problem on the subways here in New York City. But don't worry. The MTA, the Metropolitan Transit Authority, has developed a comprehensive plant to put a stop to it. We watch.
Announce: "The MTA is pleased to announce a new three-part campaign to put an end to rampant subway groping.
First, we're distributing 2,000 posters throughout the subway system that encourage people who are groped on trains to report it.
Second, we're increasing police patrols on all subway cars.
And third, we're inviting gropers and passengers who don't mind being groped to ride in our designated groping cars.
The MTA... making groping fun again."

We are then interrupted by a CBS News special report.
Announce: "This is a CBS News Election '08 Update. In a new CBS Poll, voters were asked which nickname they preferred for the Democratic ticket of Obama-Biden.
This favorite Obama-Biden nickname is ‘Joebama,' at 58%.
In second place is ‘Obiden,' with 39%.
And in last place with 3%, ‘Jidenamackojoba.'
Stay tuned to CBS for further updates. We now return you to ‘Barnaby Jones' already in progress."

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
We see the President try his darn'dest to say the word "Positive."

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: Ways to Make The Democratic Convention More Fun
#9. Every night, one lucky lady gets to go home with John Edwards.
#4. Give John Kerry's crazy wife five minutes to say whatever she wants . . . . remember her?
#1. Try to squeeze Al Gore into the same suit he wore at the 2000 convention.M

SHAWN JOHNSON
She's the Olympic Gold Medal winner in the Balance Beam. Did you see her performance? To appreciate it a little more, consider that the balance beam is 4 inches wide. A CD case is 5 inches. Shawn says "We do a lot of things a lot of people can't do on the floor."
Shawn had landed here in the U.S. from China a few hours ago and is a bit weary and frazzled. She lauds and is very thankful for the make-up and hair artists who prepared her for tonight's appearance seconds ago. Yippee! Good job, Shawn. Hairstylists and make-up artists across the country stood and applauded. Giving credit and showing appreciation goes a long way. Very wise women, Shawn Johnson.
Shawn was scheduled to return home to Iowa and land at Des Moines airport but instead had to reschedule and came to the Late Show. Says Shawn, "4,000 people were waiting for me in Des Moines Airport . . . now I'm here . . . now they all have to go home." Ouch. But I expect they would understand.
Iowa is very proud of their home-grown world champion. Dave holds up three photos. The first is a wax sculpture of Shawn found at the Iowa's Hall of Pride. The next is a bronze sculpture also housed at the Hall of Pride. The third photo is one Shawn had not yet seen . . . a sculpture of her made of butter seen at the Iowa State Fair. It was just created a few days ago.
Dave wonders about the Chinese gymnasts who participated in the Olympics and the speculation that some may have younger than 16, the minimum age allowed for Olympic gymnasts. Shawn says some may have been younger than that and it was discussed among her fellow Olympians, but it was an issue not in their control. It's a matter to be settled by others. Dave noticed something many did not. When the camera was on the Chinese gymnasts, when they didn't know they were on camera . . . . . Dave saw some of them with a pacifier in their mouth. Wow, that is young.
How about the London Olympics in 2012? Shawn says she had considered retiring after the Beijing Games but now says that she hopes to be there to compete.

Shawn also earned 3 Silver Medals at the Beijing Olympics.
- the Team Competition
- the Individual All-Around
- the Floor Exercise

ACT 4:
In stores now, it's Dave's book entitled, "I Hate Communists." The Forward was written by Archibald Bunker.

TRACY MORGAN
From NBC's "30 Rock" and he's the new host of Sci-Fi's "Scare Tactics." Tracy is now single and eligible and he's finding it crazy. The ladies really want his body. He's a bit surprised. He's about to turn 40. You've heard the saying that 40 is the new 20? Tracy says that's a bunch of garbage. Every morning he fells the 40. He didn't feel those aches and pains when he was 20.
Tracy is just back from Beijing. Much to his surprise, the Olympics were gong on at the same time. He was there to visit his brother, Kurt. Kurt has a side-business of scalping tickets. He did pretty well during the Olympics. Sold 4 tickets for the archery competition; two by the target! And he made a score on front row for the marathon.
Tracy is the new host of "Scare Tactics." It's a show about scaring people. How so? Through the use of aliens, devil babies, and the IRS, among other things. Its new season begins September 30th. One thing that scared me was when I went to the Sci-Fi/"Scare Tactics" website. There they proudly proclaim, "All New Episodes Wednesday September 30." But September 30th is a Tuesday . . . . unless they know something I don't know . . . . Wooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh! Scary.
And you can see Tracy Morgan at the Apollo Theater in Harlem on November 8th.

ACT 5:
Announce: ‘Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Don Cheadle, Olympic Gold Medalist Bryan Clay, and Little Anthony & The Imperials.
The Late Show! Now available in peppermint!
We'll be right back."

ACT 7:
SOLANGE KNOWLES: From her new CD, "Sol-Angel and the Hadley Street Dreams," Solange Knowles performed "Sand Castle Disco."

And that was our show for Monday August 25, 2008.




The only thing that could have stopped the U.S. Men's Olympic Basketball Team was Stephon Marbury.

This wasn't the first time Dave called for the high jump to be performed out on 53rd Street. Dave made the same request back in February 2001. We had the #1 high jumper in America, Nathan Leeper, on our show out on 53rd Street to perform his event. The FYI on Nathan Leeper at the time:
- 23 years old.
- From Kansas.
- He's short for a high jumper, standing at 6' 1".
- He is ranked #1 in the U.S. this year, having jumped 7'7".
- His personal best is 7 feet, 8 and one-half inches.
- The world record is 8' ˝".
Everything was set up for a great day. But this is New York. This was February. By showtime on February 23, 2001, we were fighting blizzard conditions. The high jump was called off. I think we showed a clip from rehearsal instead.

John McCain doesn't know how many homes he has, and John Edwards doesn't know how many kids he has.

So, let's see. Arizona will have only one U.S. Senator for the next two months. Illinois will have only one U.S. Senator for the next two months. And Delaware will have only one U.S. Senator for the next two months. Wow, what a racket. When you make the rules, you can do whatever you want.

It's time once again for a very special segment in the Wahoo Gazette:
"'LATE NIGHT' THE DAY THEY WERE BORN"
Shawn Johnson was born January 19, 1992. So, what happened on Late Night on January 19, 1992?
January 19th was a Sunday. What happened on Late Night on January 21, 1992?
Late Night show #1577 - Bruce Kapler and Alan Chesnovitz sitting in. Hal Gurnee Network Time Killers (Kenny Rogers impersonator); Call LL Bean operator (Lightning Round); David Brenner; Elvin Bishop sings "My Whiskey Head Friends"; Julie Haggerty.
And that's what happened on Late Night the day Shawn Johnson was two days old.

It's a double feature!
"'LATE NIGHT' THE DAY THEY WERE BORN"
Solange Knowles was born June 24, 1986. So, what happened on Late Night on June 24, 1986?
Late Night show #725: What's On Other Channels; Top Ten Rejected Top Ten Lists; Thrill-Cam; Tony Randall with a clip from "My Little Pony"; Olympic Gymnast Mitch Gaylord; and comedian Bill Dana. Bumped: Liberty Minute with Jack Duvall.
And that's what happened on Late Night the day Solange Knowles was born.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's his 77th birthday today, from "Million Dollar Password", it's Regis Philbin.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
ACT 1
• Show Open
• Dave's Monologue
 Watch now
ACT 2
• Dave's High Jump Demonstration
• Get To Know Delaware
• Dave Dorsett Thinks The Olympics are Still On
• Staff's Favorite Moments at CBS
• Obama-Biden Nickname Poll
• Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 3
• Top Ten Ways To Make the Democratic Convention More Fun
 Read now

• Shawn Johnson
 Watch now
ACT 4
• Tracy Morgan
ACT 5
• Audience Shot & Guest Plug
ACT 6
• More with Tracy Morgan
ACT 7
• Solange performs "Sand Castle"
• Show Close

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