" . . . and now, right wing nut job . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Monologue Joke: "This was the second of three presidential debates between McCain and Obama. I'm telling you, things are really starting to look bad for Hillary."

Great Moments in Presidential Speeches:
President Bush: "I didn't like going to school."

And sitting in for Felicia Collins tonight, famed guitarist Michael Muller.

ACT 2:
Dave is excited to have John Carter on the show. He's trying to save the Amazon Rainforest. Dave says, "All I can say about this guy is 'What a guy this guy is.'"

McCain has been said to have a hot temper. Dave always kind of liked that. He wants that in a President. He always wanted to see someone take someone like Helen Thomas out back and teach her a lesson.
In the latest campaign attack, John McCain has accused Barack Obama of being angry and touchy when confronted. The McCain camp has issued this announcement to illustrate their point.
Announce:

"The economy is in crisis. The war in Iraq rages on. And our nation's future hangs in the balance. At such a turbulent time, can America afford to have a hot-head like this in the White House?"
Shot of Barack Obama very calm, quiet, and serene from the first debate. "John McCain: America's friendliest senator."

Dave is then interrupted by CBS News Special Report.
Announce;

"This is a CBS News Special Report. Because of our collapsing economy, I just learned that I've been laid off. Good luck, 'sdd'holes. I'm gonna get 'djoy'-faced. This has been a CBS News Special Report."

"For years, the most dangerous man in the world has eluded capture. President Bush has remained determined, never giving up the hunt. And finally, we have captured him." (We see a photo of Osama bin Laden) "Oh, wait . . . . . wrong guy."
(a photo of OJ slides in, replacing Osama bin Laden) "We got him. George W. Bush - 26% and falling."

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: Signs You're Watching a Bad Debate.
Dave is hoping someone knocks over a podium, or maybe takes the other by the neck and drags him off the stage. I guess we all have our own hopes and desires when it comes to debates, though I kind of like Dave's thinking.
7. Keep arguing about who has more friends on Facebook
4. Candidates ignore questions and gossip about which Senate Pages are sluts.

Dave takes a moment and says he is thinking about buying an electric car, but he is deathly afraid of electrocution. Plus, he'll have to buy an entire wardrobe of rubber.

DEBRA MESSING
The lovely Ms. Messing recently turned 40. She was fine with it, but others were bothered by it. She ended up thinking that maybe she should be traumatized. She went to pick up her 4-year-old son at a gym class and when she got there everyone came up to her and said, "Happy Birthday! You're 40! Wow, the big 4-0!" How did they know? Her son told everyone. Even he was more bothered by it than Debra. Not surprisingly, the very lovely Debra Messing was once a contestant in a beauty contest. She and her family lived in Rhode Island when the Miss America Pageant was a really big deal. Her older brother told her to sign up for the Rhode Island Miss Pre-Teen. The 11-year-old Debra really wanted to be a contestant, but her mom said it was too far away. Too far away? In Rhode Island, everything is 10 minutes away. Her mom relented, she signed up, and won. And she has the photo to prove it. We see the young Debra Messing as the crowned Miss Pre-Teen. And there to the left . . . who is that Miss Hospitality? Why, it's Sarah Palin! How about that! She hasn't changed a bit in 30 years.
Debra stars in the new USA network series, "The Starter Wife." She says they do a lot of fantasy sequences on the show, usually alluding to other films. She's played Queen Elizabeth, Carol Channing in "Hello, Dolly," Kathleen Turner in "Body Heat," Gene Wilder in "Young Frankenstein," . . . . . and Sharon Stone in "Basic Instinct. Uh oh. She had to do that "legs crossed/uncrossed/crossed scene" where her thing is exposed. She felt uncomfortable doing it and was afraid the crew would also feel uncomfortable, so she decided to play a little joke. On her panties she had printed, "Say Please." She thought that would get a laugh. Unfortunately, it got nothing. They went on to the next scene. Debra was very upset and quickly stood up and lifted her skirt. "Hey, can't you see this?! It says 'Say Please.'" Still nothing. Quite an awkward moment for Debra.
All the while I'm thinking . . . . . "Say please . . . . you mean, that's all it takes?" "The Starter Wife" - premieres this Friday night on the USA Network at 9:00.

ACT 4:
Before the show, Alan Kalter came to Dave's dressing room . . . "even though I've asked him not to" . . . . and asked if he could have a few words if there was a free minute during the show. Well, darn the luck, we have a free minute. Take it away, Alan.
ALAN: "Thanks, Jughead." (Alan stands and starts walking towards the back of the audience) "Each night, you folks tune in to watch Dave and his hilarious comedy hijinks. But do you know how the show gets from here in the Ed Sullivan Theater . . . to your home? Come with me to our Control Room and let me show you how the magic happens. It's a far more intricate process than you might think, involving dozens of highly trained technicians and fascinating, state-of-the-art technology." Alan opens the door in the back of the audience and enters the lobby, continuing his explanation of the magic of television. He is confronted by 3 CBS pages who we soon learn are owed lots of money from Alan.
PAGE 1: "There he is!"
The 3 pages trying to look tough approach Alan and push him against the wall. PAGE 2: "Hey, fat ass, where's my money?
ALAN: "Hey, guys, listen. I've got most of the money, but I still need a few more days."
PAGE 3: "Wrong answer!"
The Pages throw Alan down to the ground and apply a beating to the neon-head with the golden voice.
PAGE 1: "You're out of time, Sally.
" The beating continues for quite some time. We go back to Dave and we can still hear the beating taking place behind those theater doors. Dave smiles fake concern and says, "He's still taking quite a beating." After listening to some more wails from Alan, Dave says, "OK, boys, he's had enough."
Paul chimes: "You saved his life."
Those who watch the show are familiar with those simple lines between Dave and Paul. I smiled a familiar smile and mouthed the very words spoken by Paul, as I'm sure many of you did.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave welcomes Dennis Quaid, Sarah Chalke, and musical guest Buddy Guy.
The Late Show, breeding America's friendliest alpacas since 1974! We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
JOHN CARTER: He's the founder and director of Alianca da Terra, which is a Brazilian land-owner environmental group with its eyes on saving the Amazon Rainforest.
John grew up in Texas and after serving in the military, went into farming. How does a Texas farmer end up in Brazil? John says, "a Brazilian woman." After visiting the Brazilian wilderness a number of times, he fell in love with the area and the two married and moved there and became ranchers. The area they moved to was complete wilderness, a true wild frontier. For the first 6 years of living in Brazil, they had no electricity or phone. And the local government was just about non-existent, changing over with great frequency. We see a photo of a creaky old wooden "bridge" in the area, something you would see in an Indiana Jones movie, though I've never seen an Indiana Jones movie. It just an example of the incredibly poor infrastructure in the area. Much of his traveling around that part of Brazil was by airplane since the roads were few. From the sky, John was able to see the rampant deforestation taking place. Thousands of acres at a time were being destroyed. The reason for this was simple economics. Cleared land was much more valuable than wooded land. The local economy had nothing but forests, which were worth nothing. Landowners were destroying their forests for economic reasons, thousands of acres, forests that are known as "the earth's lungs." John saw the dangers of this and tried to stop it. First he organized a tourist company to show people firsthand what was happening. He then realized the only way to stop the landowners from destroying this vital resource was to create an economical incentive to keep it. He formed "Alianca da Terra", Portuguese for Land Alliance, to help the ranchers make a living without having to destroy the forests. John says if he waited for the government to do something, the rainforest would just about be gone by now.
To find out more about "Alianca da Terra," check out:
www.aliancadaterra.org.br

ACT 7:
TEGAN AND SARA: From the album, "The Con," Tegan and Sara performed "Call It Off."

And that was our show for Tuesday, October 7, 2008.



Did you watch the debate last night? I go in with good intentions but within minutes I'm bored to tears. I know they are only saying what they believe will get them votes. If they believed saying the alphabet backwards would get them votes in Ohio, they both would be reciting the ZYX's. I'm with Dave on this: I'd like to see a podium turned over and a slap fight. What can they possibly say that they haven't said in the past 21 months? And the only thing I got out of this debate was how Barack Obama stared at McCain when he spoke. He never took his eyes off him. That's all I got.

And I also thought that if they can't manage their time, how can they manage the government? Time and time again moderator Tom Brokaw had to remind them to keep their answers to one minute, as both camps agreed on before the debate. But they're politicians; they make rules; they don't have to follow them. I suggest at the next debate, moderator Bob Schieffer use an airhorn whenever a candidate goes over the allotted time to answer, doggone it.

We are all fighting to keep our heads above water during the economic crisis. Luckily, I came across a fantastic investment opportunity in Nigeria that I learned about in my e-mail. I just have to send them a few thousand dollars and my banking records and they will multiply my investment 100-fold. And they'll put those Nigerian dollars right into my bank account themselves! I won't have to do a thing! They'll do it for me. Wow, talk about right place right time. I can't believe my luck.

I like to listen to talk radio on my ride home from work and again later when I turn in for the night. Lately, most calls go like this:
Caller: "Hey, m .. . . . . I wa . . . kno. . . . . h . . . .. if . . . . th . . . . sky. It's ridiculous. An . . . . Yank . . . . . gl. . .. . tri . . . ..bama, you know?"
Host: "Sorry, you're breaking up. Call back on a better line."
This goes on all the night long.

Hey, baseball fans, here's something to chew on around the bar. Of the 30 major league baseball teams, most have their home city printed across the chest of their road uniforms. Six do not. Can you name the six? I'll give the answer tomorrow.

I was watching the beginning of the Red Sox/Angel game Sunday night at a bar. The Sox had bases loaded, two outs. The Red Sox batter hits a short fly ball between the centerfielder and the 2nd baseman. The centerfielder thought the 2nd baseman would get it and vice versa. It fell for a cheap single. 3 runs scored. What impressed me most, and I don't know if it was mentioned because there was no sound on the TV, was the Red Sock on first base, Coco Crisp, scored on the play. This told me that on a somewhat routine short fly ball, he was hustling around the bases full speed. If he were going half speed on the assumed out, he would have ended up on 3rd. Going full speed enabled him to score. Good job, Coco.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Yellville, Arkansas, it's Tess McManus
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER.

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com